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How long is the visit? Is it for a few hours or a few days? We were in a similar situation with my in-laws when we flew down to Florida for a week or so last year. My 9 year old son can get very restless if it means spending four hours sitting on grandma and grandpa's couch. My FIL, never the best of tempered men, would resort to yelling at him. We finally started staying at a hotel, let the kids swim a bit, then take them over in the afternoon. They would spend an hour or so socializing with the grandparents and then go over to the pool next door to swim. It made the visit much more enjoyable with much less stress on everyone. We would go out to dinner with them and then go back to the hotel.
Sadly, they have both moved into an assisted living facility this past year. My husband takes the kids down to see them at least 3-4 times a year. My FIL can't be around my son for more than a few minutes at this point without saying something mean. Of course he has dementia now which doesn't help. This intolerance towards the kids has been getting much worse the older they get. My son is pretty well behaved but any movement like tapping his fingers or toes or moving around in the chair results in him getting yelled at.
If the visit is for an afternoon, visit a bit and then perhaps take the kid for a walk. A few hours shouldn't be unbearable unless the kid is a maniac.
this is what I was wondering/thinking.
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Originally Posted by blublu
My grandparents did not invite them over. My aunt just wants to visit them since she hasn't seen them in a few years. She can't drive over herself, which is why her DIL is going over. Although I know that her DIL would like to see my grandparents as she is very fond of them. I asked my aunt if she was going to call them first to let them know they were coming (because they might not feel like having company) and she said she was. But I know my grandparents wouldn't say anything about Henry, because they wouldn't feel comfortable saying anything.
My aunt asked if I wanted to go over too. I don't know if she wants me to go or was just being polite. I suppose I could offer to go and we could leave her DIL and grandson at home. The visit would be for a couple of hours. My grandparents live about 2 1/2 hours away (5 hrs round trip).
Henry's mom and grandma don't properly "control" him. They tell him no, then turn around and allow him to do what they just told him not to do. He can't leave anything alone, he's always touching (and then breaking) something. He can't sit still and be quiet. He can't keep his nose out of other people's business. He gets very rough and physical with everyone. He's very bossy and controlling. No one ever makes him behave and he walks all over his mother and grandmother. Bad behavior is one thing, but this is something else. I've always thought that there was something wrong with him. If I didn't know any better I'd swear he was about 3 or 4 years old, just based on behavior and speech.
One day I was doing maintenance on my aunt's computer and Henry was sitting in the chair beside me. Out of nowhere he just smacked me in the face, and I was wearing eyeglasses. I got really mad (I thought he might have broken my glasses) and I sternly told him not to do that again and he looked very shocked.
He always comes up to me, pulls on me and speaks somewhat rudely to me. He says in this angry/monster like voice, "what are you doing" or "where were you?" I don't respond to him when he talks to me like that. When I don't respond he asks me again in an even angrier/monster like voice and when I don't respond he usually goes away. Something is wrong with that boy.
I don't know, maybe I just won't worry about it. I'll just call my grandparents and tell them to make sure that Henry doesn't get into any of my board games (he'll lose the pieces for sure).
Since the visit is only a couple of hours. I don't think I'd worry about it much. the kid sounds like kind of a pain. But even for the most well behaved child, sitting around grandma and grandpa's can get boring fast.
Maybe you could ask the grandparent's (the hosts) (? sorry I'm losing track of how everyone is related) if they are ok having the kid there, and maybe suggest they all go out to lunch or have a picnic at the park or something. If they don't have an issue, then leave it alone.
I just want to add to what has already been said. If the grandparents are getting up their in age, I dont think it is right to take away all the time that Henry can see them either. He should be able to get to see them, but maybe after an hour or so, if his parents can settle him down, then have him go off somewhere else to play with an older relative who can watch over him
I don't know, maybe I just won't worry about it. I'll just call my grandparents and tell them to make sure that Henry doesn't get into any of my board games (he'll lose the pieces for sure).
People always assume the wrong things about the grandparents. My husband comes from a large family, and his parents were not in the best of health by the time I entered the family. But during holidays his siblings would all take off and leave their children "with grandma and grandpa" while they did their own thing, and this pissed my husband off. He could see that his parents were tired from all the holiday stimulation, but they would never say no. It was their say; however, we never dumped our daughter on them to babysit.
Just for clarification (not that it matters), Henry's grandparents and mother are going to visit my grandparents. My grandparents are Henry's great aunt and uncle. Henry's grandparents are my great aunt and uncle. He has no idea who in the heck my grandparents (his great aunt and uncle) even are. I'm sure he doesn't care either because when he last saw them several years ago, he wasn't interested in talking to them. I suspect it's because they ignored him.
I talked to my grandma last night (to tell her not to let Henry play with my board games) and she wasn't particularly happy that he was coming over. I asked her if she was going to say something to them, but she said she didn't feel comfortable saying anything because she knows how they are. I asked her if she wanted me to say something since I have a better relationship with them and she said yes. So I'll talk to my aunt and see what we can work out.
I just can't get over how my aunt and her DIL would think it would be ok to bring Henry knowing how he is. They must be really clueless.
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Originally Posted by PoppySead
If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?
I know, you're asking that because I mentioned my board games, right (I can't figure out how to quote that part)? Me and my uncle (my grandparents' oldest son) have a bunch of board, card, and tile games that we took over and left at their house. When we visit, my grandma just loves to play these games. She'll sit there and play all day. My uncle's games are locked in a cabinet he bought. Mine are in a plastic storage container in the guest bedroom. Most of the games are expensive as they're not your standard board games that you can buy in Walmart or ToysRUs. We also have a few very rare and out-of-print games dating back to the '60s. Both me and my uncle don't allow any of the kids or teenagers to play with the games unless they have our permission because some of them wrote on the cards and/or lost the pieces.
If Henry is 8 now, and hasn't seen your grandparents for several years, perhaps he has matured.
I think the benefits to all involved outweigh the negatives for such a short visit. Why not pick up some small toys or Legos to keep him occupied? I used to leave a box of inexpensive toys with my parents for my own to use during visits. Or, encourage his mother to bring along some of his own.
My kids are kids. They aren't 'unruly', but they have a lot of energy. Sometimes they are loud, or boisterous. It can be a lot for someone who is not used to children to take though. Not all older people enjoy seeing their grandchildren.
My dh's aunt said something to us the last time we visited his grandmother. I don't remember how she put it, but she made it clear that "Granny" didn't like being around the kids. "Great Granny" loves the kids, I'm sure - and she sends generous gifts, likes pictures of them, etc... but they get on her nerves. We haven't traveled to see her in years because we don't want to exclude the children when we visit. While this is unfortunate, it is what it is. Maybe it's the way his aunt brought it to us ... and maybe because we know NO ONE else in the family brings their kids to her... but although I'm usually upset about these things, I'm not offended.
When "Great Granny" comes to visit where we're living, we know our time with her will be short... we bring our kids to family functions. Wouldn't/don't attend those that the kids aren't welcome at. We don't love her any less because of it, but they (and she) are missing out. It's unfortunate as I said, but we live with it.
If you can find a way to tell that it's not personal, that they just can't handle young children, maybe they'll take it well.
I have to agree with the grandparents ITS THEIR HOME and if they Do or dont want someone even if its a close relative its THEIR HOME and no one should tell them who SHOULD or should NOT be invited. Because its THEIR HOME
If Henry is 8 now, and hasn't seen your grandparents for several years, perhaps he has matured.
I think the benefits to all involved outweigh the negatives for such a short visit. Why not pick up some small toys or Legos to keep him occupied? I used to leave a box of inexpensive toys with my parents for my own to use during visits. Or, encourage his mother to bring along some of his own.
That's what I was going to suggest as well. Have a little box full of cheap games so that younger children can keep occupied.
Usually it's the kids who don't want to go visit the grandparents, not the grandparents not wanting to see the kids. Especially since this visit is only a few hours I can't imagine it's going to kill anybody. I think it's great that the little one wants to see his elders at all. But, that's just my opinion, I would try to make it work and turn out positive for all involved. If the child can be occupied a bit and not cause to much excitement maybe he can get rid of his "family terror kid" image, the family member nobody wants to see.
I guess every family has it's own dynamics though.
Just because someone puts the grandma suit on doesn't mean they are sit on my lap grandma type either. If they were a nervous young person they will be a nervous gma. If the others know maybe they could all just skip it, I mean if you don't want to be seen then why bother? Unless they are hoping for gifts upon death. lol Is there a motive for the visit? If not, and they are just thinking it would be nice for the grandparents then let them know it isn't so they don't waist their time either, sounds like quite the drive.
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Have a little box full of cheap games so that younger children can keep occupied. 
