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Old 03-24-2012, 10:38 AM
 
47,586 posts, read 32,614,482 times
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Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Hmmm..I grew up long before Nancy Grace and Chris Hansen. I was always taught that "personally responsible for yourself" included letting someone know where you were and when to expect you. That and to wear clean underwear in the even you were in an accident.

It's just one of those niceties that comes along with being an adult. The recognition that others you interact with deserve consideration. Growing up is not an excuse to be thoughtless.
Exactly. I'm considerate enough to my kids that I let them know where I am and when I'll be home, I expect the same courtesy to be given to me.

What's interesting is a number of years ago they had some television campaign, "Parents, it's 10pm, do you know where your children are?" Then they did some survey to check on this and found many children answering the phone at 10 pm but they didn't know where their parents were.

Family should mean some kind of consideration and respect for one another, family doesn't must mean people you can use.
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Old 03-24-2012, 11:43 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
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Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Exactly. I'm considerate enough to my kids that I let them know where I am and when I'll be home, I expect the same courtesy to be given to me.

What's interesting is a number of years ago they had some television campaign, "Parents, it's 10pm, do you know where your children are?" Then they did some survey to check on this and found many children answering the phone at 10 pm but they didn't know where their parents were.

Family should mean some kind of consideration and respect for one another, family doesn't must mean people you can use.
Such a great post malamute! Thanks for sharing. Yes....consideration goes both ways. Perhaps this is the very reason that this behavior comes so naturally to our children. They have always known what we were up to, where we were going and when we were going to be home. It's just what we've always done....so it's what THEY do. If they didn't/DON'T want us to know....we know there's a problem.
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Old 03-25-2012, 07:04 AM
 
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Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
ABSOLUTELY!! It doesn't simply mean "having a place of your own, away from your family". It means taking responsibility for the upkeep, maintenance, finances, relationships, household chores, etc. It means that you're not continuing to live like a child, having your parents foot all of the bills, the upkeep, phone, insurance, the food & food prep, do your laundry....and flat out "take care of you like an underaged child".

What is wrong with multigenerational households, if everyone is pitching in and operating like a team? I too, think it can be a really smart way to live. We have 3 generations in our house and and MOST of us function beautifully as a team.
I agree with what you are saying. However, with the attitudes that many people on this board show towards their young adult children I can totally understand why they do not want to live in the same house as their parents. Many parents do not want to allow their young adult parents to do what they want to do, to have overnight guests of the opposite sex, to stay out late, etc....If a young person is going to be treated as a child he/she is going to want to move so that they can be an adult.
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Old 03-25-2012, 08:54 AM
 
Location: Unknown. Where am I? Am I lost?
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Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
I agree with what you are saying. However, with the attitudes that many people on this board show towards their young adult children I can totally understand why they do not want to live in the same house as their parents. Many parents do not want to allow their young adult parents to do what they want to do, to have overnight guests of the opposite sex, to stay out late, etc....If a young person is going to be treated as a child he/she is going to want to move so that they can be an adult.
Exactly. Take my house for instance, even if i was home majority of the time, helped pay rent, utilities and such, and contributed like another adult in the house, i wouldnt have any more privileges than i do niw, which basically is eat, sleep, and bathe. I would still have all the same rules as i did before i stooped staying there.
Theres not incentive there to stay, even if i put forth equal effort into the house, i wouldnt get equal respect and rights in return, thats true for many households, which is why so many young adult americans want to flee the nest but many cant which is why there is so much turmoil between parents and their young adults who still live at home.
Many european families are more permissive and allow more or the adult children just dont care to have relationships and sleep next to their bf/gf at night or care to go out and do things adults do.
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:20 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
I agree with what you are saying. However, with the attitudes that many people on this board show towards their young adult children I can totally understand why they do not want to live in the same house as their parents. Many parents do not want to allow their young adult parents to do what they want to do, to have overnight guests of the opposite sex, to stay out late, etc....If a young person is going to be treated as a child he/she is going to want to move so that they can be an adult.
Exactly -- because there is a whole lot more to being an "adult" than staying out late, partying, having sex.

I would not like pretend adults living free in my house, eating my food, setting the rules for my house, bringing in whatever sex partner for the night.
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:43 AM
 
Location: Unknown. Where am I? Am I lost?
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Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Exactly -- because there is a whole lot more to being an "adult" than staying out late, partying, having sex.

I would not like pretend adults living free in my house, eating my food, setting the rules for my house, bringing in whatever sex partner for the night.
Yes there is more to being an adult than doing those things but if someone is 21+, holds down a fulltime job, pays their own things, pays a good amount for rent and is on track with working then what does it matter if they stay out all friday night, spend a few nights at a bf/gf's place, or goes out and drinks.

And i agree, a random sex partner all the time wouldnt be cool but if they were in a relationship with someone respectable and that i had met and liked i would allow that person to spend the night once in awhile, just to because two people are in their 20's and are in the same bed doesnt mean they are going to have sex, nor does it mean that they are going to be loud and rude about it.
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Old 03-25-2012, 11:17 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
7,936 posts, read 4,820,752 times
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Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
I agree with what you are saying. However, with the attitudes that many people on this board show towards their young adult children I can totally understand why they do not want to live in the same house as their parents. Many parents do not want to allow their young adult parents to do what they want to do, to have overnight guests of the opposite sex, to stay out late, etc....If a young person is going to be treated as a child he/she is going to want to move so that they can be an adult.
I hear what you're saying, however, I would have a SERIOUS problem with my adult child bringing home outsiders to spend the night. If they were a "friend of the family" who was staying over, that's one thing, but just bringing home an adult friend to spend the night...no, not here.

If my adult child wants to go somewhere else to spend the night, that is their prerogative. They are expected to (and DO) let us know where they're at though. We would never take off without giving them the same consideration.

The thing of it is, when the kids were kids, sleepovers were A-okay. As adults, especially when dealing with the opposite sex, it is just flat out taboo around here.
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Old 03-25-2012, 01:33 PM
Status: "Corn well over knee high!" (set 23 days ago)
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
67,577 posts, read 55,424,982 times
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Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
I hear what you're saying, however, I would have a SERIOUS problem with my adult child bringing home outsiders to spend the night. If they were a "friend of the family" who was staying over, that's one thing, but just bringing home an adult friend to spend the night...no, not here.

If my adult child wants to go somewhere else to spend the night, that is their prerogative. They are expected to (and DO) let us know where they're at though. We would never take off without giving them the same consideration.

The thing of it is, when the kids were kids, sleepovers were A-okay. As adults, especially when dealing with the opposite sex, it is just flat out taboo around here.
I have mixed feelings on this. If it's a "significant other", it seems like it's one thing; if they're bringing home someone they've picked up at a bar, that's something entirely different, IMO. Staying out late, not a problem, IMO. Going to a friend's house for the night, ditto.
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Old 03-25-2012, 01:58 PM
 
9,877 posts, read 10,359,043 times
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Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
I hear what you're saying, however, I would have a SERIOUS problem with my adult child bringing home outsiders to spend the night. If they were a "friend of the family" who was staying over, that's one thing, but just bringing home an adult friend to spend the night...no, not here.

If my adult child wants to go somewhere else to spend the night, that is their prerogative. They are expected to (and DO) let us know where they're at though. We would never take off without giving them the same consideration.

The thing of it is, when the kids were kids, sleepovers were A-okay. As adults, especially when dealing with the opposite sex, it is just flat out taboo around here.
And this is the reason that American adults will always want to flee the nest when they are able. They want to be adults, not large children. In my experience most young adults do not want to live under their parents supervision just to avoid paying their own rent.

IMO there is not some giant flaw in young people today. The issue is money and the ability to support themselves outside their parents homes. After all who wants their mommy telling them whether they can have an overnight guest, or what time to come home once they are 25?

If people think that multi generational households are some sort of "gold standard" they need to really think about what it means to have multi generational households. Having multiple generations of adults living in one home, all contributing to the household is not the same having an 18 year old high school student under your thumb. If there is to be some sea change towards multi generational households the attitude of total control over young adults needs to change.
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Old 03-25-2012, 02:00 PM
 
9,877 posts, read 10,359,043 times
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Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Exactly -- because there is a whole lot more to being an "adult" than staying out late, partying, having sex.

I would not like pretend adults living free in my house, eating my food, setting the rules for my house, bringing in whatever sex partner for the night.
The conversation was about adults of multiple generations contributing to the upkeep of the home, not about mom and dad paying all the bills. If that is to happen then parents need to cede some control over their young adult children back to the kids.
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