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Old 03-25-2012, 05:51 PM
Status: "Fall is almost over!" (set 17 days ago)
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
69,637 posts, read 59,710,798 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
However, I was able to make about $30K per year, my husband was making around $40K per year and our mortgage was around $1,000 per year. We were able to use the money we got as wedding/engagement gifts to make the $12K down payment on our first apartment.
So less than $100/mo? When was this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
I think what is sometimes overlooked when comparing American culture to that of other countries is that we are much larger and more spread out geographically than most. An adult child very likely isn't finding a job in the same town as they grew up in. Very often, parents aren't living in the same homes for their entire lives either. I do think there is nothing wrong with multigenerational households if one is able to do it and both parties are agreeable. It's wonderful in concept if not always doable for practical reasons. I think families should be open to doing whatever works best for those in their own family without worrying about or looking down their nose at what might work out best for others.
This is true. And back in the "olden days", say, until the 1960s, unmarried women and sometimes men lived in boarding houses or with 3-4 roommates, not alone, if they lived away from their parents.

I definitely agree with the bold.

Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
While it is true that all families have dysfunctional members in it, I find it laughable when I hear people say, "MOST families are dysfunctional". What in the heck is a "functional" family? Who judges that? Who sets that standard? I can't think of ANY family which is comprised of nothing but "perfect" people. The question is....how tolerant you are of each other. Just how perfect does a family member have to be in order to be tolerable?

Hey, I'm the first to admit that there are family members whom I would NEVER live with. Heck there are some I won't allow across my threshold. Like Julia, I don't think my mother and I could live in the same household. Probably one of the biggest reasons though, is that she constantly blames everyone else whenever one of her grown children screws up. I can't stand that and we'd end up fighting over it.....she accusing me of always finding fault with my siblings, me accusing her of constantly making excuses and enabling them to be bums and losers.

I don't enable my own children...so obviously, enabling my siblings is not an option. Everyone has something they can contribute....IF they're wiling. I do find it odd that so many "modern day Americans", feel that there's something wrong with sharing dwellings with multiple generations, especially considering how common it was 100 years ago.
I have a funny story to tell about that. Years ago, our daily paper ran an article in the "fluff" section. A bunch of social workers were shown videos of families having dinner together. The SWs thought the vids of families where they were interacting politely, talking about their day, etc, were fake. They didn't think that anyone (other than perhaps themselves) really lived like that. Of course, they believed the ones where the families acted like The Jerry Springers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Exactly. I'm considerate enough to my kids that I let them know where I am and when I'll be home, I expect the same courtesy to be given to me.

What's interesting is a number of years ago they had some television campaign, "Parents, it's 10pm, do you know where your children are?" Then they did some survey to check on this and found many children answering the phone at 10 pm but they didn't know where their parents were.

Family should mean some kind of consideration and respect for one another, family doesn't must mean people you can use.
When my grown daughter was living at home, DH and I went out of town for a few days, with her knowledge. The whole time, she was asking us when we were coming home, etc. I asked her at one point if she was trying to schedule the delivery of the keg or something. "No, I just want to know". I think she got a picture of the other side.

I remember those public service announcements. I was about 18 at the time. My BFF's parents had a cottage on a local lake, and the parents would often go there for a few days. My BFF had the same answer, "I don't know where my parents are".

I do think people need to keep in mind some form of intergenerational living was quite the norm here in the US, at least until the later 60s. Lots of kids lived at home after they graduated from high school/college, sometimes until they got married. Women, especially young women, did not live alone in apartments for fear of their "reputations". When I was in college in the late 60s, there were a lot of "commuter" students who lived at home. Nowadays, a lot of kids get an apt. with friends when they're in college, even if the parents live in the same town. My daughter did.
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Old 03-25-2012, 07:01 PM
 
10,103 posts, read 11,346,847 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiana View Post
So less than $100/mo? When was this?
No-typo. Sorry. $1,000 per month, not year.
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Old 03-25-2012, 07:07 PM
 
42,387 posts, read 46,197,240 times
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While i do not see young adults livign at home as a problem ;it really depends on circumstances. Once it was common until say a young girl was married or a young man got on his feet.but not without responsibilities like I often see/hear about today. Many eventothere mid twenty live at home under circumstances like small children in that regard, Not a good thing because it eventually will end.
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Old 03-25-2012, 08:24 PM
 
Location: Nebraska
715 posts, read 387,335 times
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I moved out when I graduated from HS. I moved back in with my parents when i was in my 40's for a few months. My ex and I were getting a divorce. All of my children moved out when they 17-18. My oldest son moved in for 4-5 months. He had a heart attack and couldn't work and he was 40. My step-son moved back this past summer because of flooding. He stayed for about 4 months so he could save for a new place. They weren't charged rent.
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Old 03-26-2012, 01:15 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BJW50 View Post
I moved out when I graduated from HS. I moved back in with my parents when i was in my 40's for a few months. My ex and I were getting a divorce. All of my children moved out when they 17-18. My oldest son moved in for 4-5 months. He had a heart attack and couldn't work and he was 40. My step-son moved back this past summer because of flooding. He stayed for about 4 months so he could save for a new place. They weren't charged rent.
I would always open my home to a family member or friend in crisis until they could get back on their feet. Of course with no rent. I would not allow an older adult child to live with me permanently unless they were disabled. These are very different situations than adult kids just living comfortably with parents with no intentions to move.
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Old 03-26-2012, 02:39 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
7,990 posts, read 5,343,375 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
I would always open my home to a family member or friend in crisis until they could get back on their feet. Of course with no rent. I would not allow an older adult child to live with me permanently unless they were disabled. These are very different situations than adult kids just living comfortably with parents with no intentions to move.
Some family members were extended that courtesy years ago. Most of them would never be allowed back under our roof, regardless of how bad their current "crisis" was. Some folks are not interested in a hand up. Some simply expect handouts.

I have no problem allowing a responsible, contribututing adult child to live with me/us, as long as they are a "fully contributing" member of the family. We do not, however, have any intention of "taking care" of our physically/mentally capable children. Again, if they're simply another fully-contributing member of the household, why not? Many hands make light work and if you get along with someone fabulously...if you are totally compatable, it's a whole lot of fun.
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Old 03-26-2012, 02:59 PM
 
3,046 posts, read 2,116,749 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
I have no problem allowing a responsible, contribututing adult child to live with me/us, as long as they are a "fully contributing" member of the family. We do not, however, have any intention of "taking care" of our physically/mentally capable children. Again, if they're simply another fully-contributing member of the household, why not? Many hands make light work and if you get along with someone fabulously...if you are totally compatable, it's a whole lot of fun.
It's just a different philosophy. It's not really about compatibility or responsibility or how much they contribute, some people believe children should fly the nest. Many, many parents want that so they can have their own lives back, maybe downsize or move to a totally different area. The economy and parenting styles have impacted peoples wants and needs so it has become an issue.
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Old 03-26-2012, 05:06 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
7,990 posts, read 5,343,375 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
It's just a different philosophy. It's not really about compatibility or responsibility or how much they contribute, some people believe children should fly the nest. Many, many parents want that so they can have their own lives back, maybe downsize or move to a totally different area. The economy and parenting styles have impacted peoples wants and needs so it has become an issue.
Here, that's exactly what it's about. If everything works out, this house and property will be handed down to my children when we're gone.There are enough lots so that every one of my kids will own one. We have no desire to downsize, although I'm quite sure that many people do. If my kids want to move elsewhere and make a life, that's up to them. We will wish them well. If they choose to remain here, help take care of the place, and watch it when hubby and I want to take off for outings, that's great too. Fortunately, we do have children whom we can trust with our home and belongings. ....well, MOST of them. LOL
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Old 03-27-2012, 01:57 PM
 
Location: Unknown. Where am I? Am I lost?
5,509 posts, read 3,244,439 times
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It wont work in america, too many parents want to tell their children who still live at home who, what, when, where and how to do everything instead of treating them like a contributing individual.
Like one kid i know is turning 19 soon and they told him he cant even smoke away from the house, force him to still attend church, they dont treat him any differently than they did when he was still a minor and he works and contributes and watches his sister when he can. He had to hide going to a halloween party at 18, because his family is against halloween for religious reasons.
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Old 03-27-2012, 02:33 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
7,990 posts, read 5,343,375 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
It wont work in america, too many parents want to tell their children who still live at home who, what, when, where and how to do everything instead of treating them like a contributing individual.
Like one kid i know is turning 19 soon and they told him he cant even smoke away from the house, force him to still attend church, they dont treat him any differently than they did when he was still a minor and he works and contributes and watches his sister when he can. He had to hide going to a halloween party at 18, because his family is against halloween for religious reasons.
Interesting.....it's working beautifully in my "American" home. Stereotyping "American" households makes no sense, whatsoever.
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