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Which is why Mother's Day and Father's Day get sticky for us. We want it to be a day for us and our children, and our parents want it to be a day for us to be with them still.
Yeah definately the way it should be. Which is why when we make big decisions we try to think of it only in the effects it has on our family unit (me, dh, ds) and not the in laws or my family.
Which is why Mother's Day and Father's Day get sticky for us. We want it to be a day for us and our children, and our parents want it to be a day for us to be with them still.
We usually try to plan something that is just for our parents and something that is just for our son. Because, yes we have moved on and created our own unit, our parents still raised us and deserve recognition of their role in our family now.
My point was more when you are a kid, you identify your family is your mom and dad and your siblings, as well as aunts and uncles, grandparents, etc. (if you're lucky enough to have all of these).
When you become an adult, you create your own family unit and you identify your family as your husband or wife and your kids, first - then everyone else is secondary.
When your kids grow up or when you divorce then who is your family? It is a little disconcerting to find that your kids now have their own families and don't see you as primary anymore - so when you get older you can kind of grow out of having a family unit . . .
It's all a matter of perspective.
When you are in the phase of adults with kids you can't even imagine what it might feel like for your kids to not think of you as their primary family because you are in the phase of power where it appears you have control over your kids and your family unit is how you define it.
My point was more when you are a kid, you identify your family is your mom and dad and your siblings, as well as aunts and uncles, grandparents, etc. (if you're lucky enough to have all of these).
When you become an adult, you create your own family unit and you identify your family as your husband or wife and your kids, first - then everyone else is secondary.
When your kids grow up or when you divorce then who is your family? It is a little disconcerting to find that your kids now have their own families and don't see you as primary anymore - so when you get older you can kind of grow out of having a family unit . . .
It's all a matter of perspective.
Precisely. It is all a matter of perspective. If your perspective is that it is perfectly normal, expected, appropriate that your kids grow up and become independent, you sniffle at various emotional moments and move along.
Quote:
When you are in the phase of adults with kids you can't even imagine what it might feel like for your kids to not think of you as their primary family because you are in the phase of power where it appears you have control over your kids and your family unit is how you define it.
Power? Control? I know not of what you speak. Gross actually.
My point was more when you are a kid, you identify your family is your mom and dad and your siblings, as well as aunts and uncles, grandparents, etc. (if you're lucky enough to have all of these).
When you become an adult, you create your own family unit and you identify your family as your husband or wife and your kids, first - then everyone else is secondary.
When your kids grow up or when you divorce then who is your family? It is a little disconcerting to find that your kids now have their own families and don't see you as primary anymore - so when you get older you can kind of grow out of having a family unit . . .
It's all a matter of perspective.
When you are in the phase of adults with kids you can't even imagine what it might feel like for your kids to not think of you as their primary family because you are in the phase of power where it appears you have control over your kids and your family unit is how you define it.
Honestly, it sounds like you might have control issues. It was ok for you to define your family as you, your spouse, your kids, but you are having trouble with them doing the same.
My kids are young, so my feelings may change, but I am looking forward to being an empty nester. That is not to say I'm not enjoying being a parent. I am, and I plan to make the most of it for the next 15 or so years. But I think when it is time for them to leave the nest, I will appreciate my time with my spouse, my time alone, and my time to finally do what I want instead of what the family needs. Hopefully I will have formed the kind of relationship with my kids where they will want to invite me to things, and will be happy to come home and visit too.
I think it is a little odd when the grandparents are involved in absolutely everything in their kids and grand kid's lives. A little separation is perfectly fine.
When you are in the phase of adults with kids you can't even imagine what it might feel like for your kids to not think of you as their primary family because you are in the phase of power where it appears you have control over your kids and your family unit is how you define it.
THIS is why so many families have drama when kids get married and a daughter- or son-in-law enters the picture.
Immature Mamas and Daddies who can't believe they aren't the boss anymore won't move over and let their kids grow up and be the bosses of their own lives.
Go back and read the Kahlil Gibran poem you posted earlier. That's kind of what this is about.
THIS is why so many families have drama when kids get married and a daughter- or son-in-law enters the picture.
Immature Mamas and Daddies who can't believe they aren't the boss anymore won't move over and let their kids grow up and be the bosses of their own lives.
Go back and read the Kahlil Gibran poem you posted earlier. That's kind of what this is about.
Exactly.
Your family is still your family and there's a place for everyone. People consumed with being top banana and occupying the seat at the head of the table are what causes drama that results in hard feelings and tense holiday get togethers.
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