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Old 03-20-2012, 07:40 PM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
27,419 posts, read 15,113,410 times
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How do you deal when they leave home for the first time? I mean, really leave home ~ as in moving away to go to college.

It hit me last night at a school swim banquet. They were doing the slideshow for the seniors - complete with baby pictures up to recent - music playing in the back ground . . and all the Senior Mom's were crying. I started crying too - just watching them.

I'm a single Mom - my son will be a Senior in high school next year.

I get teary just thinking about it - though I know it has to happen. I've loved watching him grow and succeed as a teen-ager and all those 'firsts' like getting his driver's license and first job.

But my whole life has revolved around him for 16 years.

What do I do when it just . . . . . stops?
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Old 03-20-2012, 07:47 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,155 posts, read 22,162,714 times
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The first month is hard. Then you kind of get used to it. Next thing you know they're home for an extended time, and you're trying to figure out the new relationship/expectations and you find yourself wondering when they're going back...
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Old 03-20-2012, 08:13 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
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You cry.. then you pat yourself on the back for doing a great job raising your kid.

You know they come back during breaks and holidays! So they are not really gone.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Ringo1 View Post
How do you deal when they leave home for the first time? I mean, really leave home ~ as in moving away to go to college.
Mine really, really left home.... 28 and 25, both graduated, married, homeowners and on their own.
THAT'S harder....
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Old 03-20-2012, 09:01 PM
 
12,934 posts, read 19,849,086 times
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You will be excited for him, and rightfully so.

Maciesmom summed it up nicely. They do come home several times during the year, plus there are parent weekends you can attend. I don't think I've gone more than 6-10 weeks without seeing them. It really wasn't that hard to fill up all those new hours on my own either.
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Old 03-20-2012, 09:50 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,437 posts, read 41,744,189 times
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do what we did....start again with a new family.

We looked at each other and talked a great deal about what we wanted for our future. DH never wanted to retire, I wanted someone to mother-after all we had honed great parenting skills for 20 years and figured somebody could use what we worked so hard to develop. So we adopted 2 little ones only 4 months apart. Everybody thought we were crazy but I don't live my life for what other people think. Turns out to be a win win for us all but of course I realize is not the answer for everybody.
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Old 03-20-2012, 10:03 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,398,126 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
do what we did....start again with a new family.

We looked at each other and talked a great deal about what we wanted for our future. DH never wanted to retire, I wanted someone to mother-after all we had honed great parenting skills for 20 years and figured somebody could use what we worked so hard to develop. So we adopted 2 little ones only 4 months apart. Everybody thought we were crazy but I don't live my life for what other people think. Turns out to be a win win for us all but of course I realize is not the answer for everybody.
One question, no kudzu....

What the heck do you eat?

Lol. You have NO idea how much I admire your energy. (I so admire that you adopted the girls but I'm in absolute awe of your energy. )
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Old 03-21-2012, 04:24 AM
 
Location: The Great State of Arkansas
5,981 posts, read 15,923,921 times
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Ringo, I had a completely different outlook on my son going to college - I wanted to open the back hatch and let the wind suck him and his stuff out the door and keep going! As a matter of fact, my best friend went with me to take the man-child to school and we high fived our way right off the campus when we were done He was a difficult child, to say the least. Reminded me of me.

This is just another in a long line of "firsts" - it never stops for moms, even when they are grown - their first college experience, first love, marriage, house, baby - it just goes on. We sorta get to experience life all over again by proxy, we just have the benefit of sleeping through the night this time around!

I did miss him - but ya know, this is the perfect time to do those things you never quite got around to because of ball games and swim teams and late nights. It's your time to shine! Find that hobby you've always wanted to try and go for it...enjoy quiet dinners, read that pile of books by the bed, re-kindle old friendships. It is most definitely odd to make it "all about me" for a while, but it grows on you. Maciesmom is right - they will set up their own pattern at school and frequently it will be directly opposite your new schedule. You will love having them home - and you will love the sound of silence when they go back!

I adore my sons and cannot imagine my life without them, but these women who weep and wail and empty nest themselves half to death....well, it makes me shake my head. Hello, it's not like we didn't realize one day they would be adults! Pitt Chick is also correct - one day (probably second semester, that first one can be an eye-opener!) you just relax and know you did a great job, your kid is making his/her milestones for this age, you give yourself a big attaboy, have a glass of wine, and know you are Supermom and no one could have raised that child better than you did!
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Old 03-21-2012, 07:47 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,367,998 times
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It is really hard when they leave out the door . . . but you want your kids to move on to the next level of their personal development, so you smile and save the tears for quiet moments alone.

I think what helped me the most is that my son never hesitated to stay in touch. Of course, during the first few months, I didn't hear f/ him but a few times a week and usually it was only a sentence or two on chat . . .I let him set the pace. I didn't bug him. I let him initiate things. Before long, he was texting or chatting with me every day or every other day (even if only a few sentences, i.e. "hope u r ok mom - doing fine here- aced a test")

I think if I had clung on to him - called a lot, texted him often, etc - it would have pushed him away. As it was, he made the decision to stay in touch. Now, he has a job and I hear from him (and/or his fiancee) almost every day.

It is exciting to see them succeed and leave the nest - once you get over the adjustment to having them out of your home. It does leave a hole in your heart for a while - til you move on with your own activities and realize you are still close - you just aren't with each other daily.
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Old 03-21-2012, 08:15 AM
 
Location: New York City
2,814 posts, read 5,866,269 times
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I dread the day my child leaves, so I can certainly empathize. All I can suggest is to make sure you create a good and interesting life for yourself before your child leaves. Many of us, me included spend so much time focusing on our children's happiness that we put our own needs on the back burner. Now is your time to figure out what will make you happy. Find hobbies, new people, activities, join a gym, volunteer... Just have a plan of action in place before he goes. Also, even though he might go away, he will come home and he will still need you. They get around one month off in Dec/Jan and then there are the long summers. Hang tight.
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Old 03-21-2012, 08:36 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,437 posts, read 41,744,189 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
One question, no kudzu....

What the heck do you eat?

Lol. You have NO idea how much I admire your energy. (I so admire that you adopted the girls but I'm in absolute awe of your energy. )
What do I eat? Good food but too much of it.

Thank you for your kind words. We wonder sometimes if we are shortchanging our girls cause we are not on the go from morning till night. But our previous family was always tired and we decided not to spend most of our time in the car running all over the place. We've got great girls who love being together and they are old enough to be of great help around the house. But our house is not always tidy or clean and I don't care. Keeping 2 girls and 4 pets healthy and happy keeps me busy enough. Wish I had more energy but at 65 I think I deserve to tune it down a notch or two.
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