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Old 03-26-2012, 02:12 PM
 
52 posts, read 54,108 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
I like the suggestion that you spend some special time with your daughters to reassure them that they are secure and loved by you. You might talk about love: the reason it's so special is that you can give more and more and never run out. Kids (heck, even a lot of adults) think that love is finite. Was your older one jealous when her younger sister was born? She may feel threatened because she does not understand that you can love a third sister without loving either of your daughters any less.
actually no she was never jealous when the baby came along, not once. She was very excited to have a sister and welcomed her.

My girlfriend got kind of bothered by my daughter not liking the idea of her daughter calling me dad and said "well what if you had another baby with me, she would have to get used to he/she calling you dad wouldnt she?"

and i said yes, however in that case i think a 4 year old is smart enough to know a baby starts out as a baby and the transition is a smooth one. Not "hey heres another girl who is even older than you and i am her daddy too"... because my daughter would be wondering "if he is her daddy and she is as old as me how come i have never seen her before"

atleast thats a logical thing i assume she would think, i dont think kids are stupid.. so i thought that comparison was not very fair
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Old 03-26-2012, 02:15 PM
 
Location: Austin
2,173 posts, read 2,879,043 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jhanson7183 View Post
I kind of see where your coming from but that makes it seem so cut and paste, black and white.

i recognize that our issue is complicated and im trying to find some kind of middle ground to make everyone happy, atleast for now while we continue developing our "family"

You just made it more confusing for the kids by simply living together. Most people do it, so I am not trying to change your mindset.
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Old 03-26-2012, 02:16 PM
 
Location: Austin
2,173 posts, read 2,879,043 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
I could put my Dr. Laura hat on but you are going to HATE what I'd tell you.

Ha! Yes. exactly. I tried the same, although a bit more subtly than I think someone should...
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Old 03-26-2012, 02:17 PM
 
52 posts, read 54,108 times
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thanks everyone for your advice and help so far
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Old 03-26-2012, 02:36 PM
 
Location: North America
14,210 posts, read 10,118,124 times
Reputation: 5547
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
I like the suggestion that you spend some special time with your daughters to reassure them that they are secure and loved by you. You might talk about love: the reason it's so special is that you can give more and more and never run out. Kids (heck, even a lot of adults) think that love is finite. Was your older one jealous when her younger sister was born? She may feel threatened because she does not understand that you can love a third sister without loving either of your daughters any less.

I think the situation is more rooted along the lines that his gf's daughter is with her daddy all the time, and she isn't.
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Old 03-26-2012, 02:37 PM
 
Location: North America
14,210 posts, read 10,118,124 times
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I think what julia said is right you need to to spend some extra time with your daughters to reassure them, and also let your older one understand that you all will be a family soon.
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Old 03-26-2012, 02:56 PM
 
52 posts, read 54,108 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
I think the situation is more rooted along the lines that his gf's daughter is with her daddy all the time, and she isn't.
correct
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Old 03-26-2012, 02:58 PM
 
Location: San Diego, CA
426 posts, read 673,639 times
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How did Mike and Carol Brady do it?! She could be calling you daddy in front of your daughters because she is memicking your daughters doing it. I also don't believe your girlfriend should be upset about this. This is a hard transition on kids... You should talk with your g/f on this issue. Maybe the both of you can sit down with her and say how important it is that she has a dad and to call me papa jeff (or?) and you should also talk to your daughters about how you feel (in kid language) about making them (g/f & daughter) a part of the family unit. That is if you plan to make it official.

Wanted to add that i think it is super important that your g/f supports your thoughts on this and can empathise with you & your daughters to some degree on this matter. If she can't support or empathize with you on this matter then how will the future look down the road when something really distrubs you & you children?
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Old 03-26-2012, 02:59 PM
 
52 posts, read 54,108 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
I think what julia said is right you need to to spend some extra time with your daughters to reassure them, and also let your older one understand that you all will be a family soon.
ok and once i do have that conversation, if she still doesnt like her calling me daddy what do i do?

i mean she knows that i am not her bio father as when confronted about it i have said to my own daughter (in private) "no one will ever replace you, i am not 'xxxx's dad but we are going to be living together as a family and thats ok, a good thing
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Old 03-26-2012, 03:19 PM
 
Location: North America
14,210 posts, read 10,118,124 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jhanson7183 View Post
ok and once i do have that conversation, if she still doesnt like her calling me daddy what do i do?

i mean she knows that i am not her bio father as when confronted about it i have said to my own daughter (in private) "no one will ever replace you, i am not 'xxxx's dad but we are going to be living together as a family and thats ok, a good thing
Basically i guess the next step is to make her feel somewhat sympathetic over the fact your girl friends daughter father isn't around and how she would feel if she was in the same situation. Kids often have to be reminded of empathy i have found.
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