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Old 03-29-2012, 11:18 AM
 
Location: earth?
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Default Overprotective Parents and the Creation of "Tea Cup Children"

Show Details - Hay House Radio

Click on link, then click on link on web page (in blue: Tea Cup child)
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Old 03-29-2012, 11:27 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA... where the nest is now empty!
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and.....????
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Old 03-29-2012, 12:01 PM
 
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Sounds like narcissistic personalities to me and "overprotective" is often used but that is a relative term depending on a whole lot of factors. I saw it as my job as a parent to teach my sons to be independent, well, for the one with Down syndrome, as independent as possible. I could have been considered an overprotective parent but both children became independent more or less to stand on their own. Some parents are like those sea turtles that run up on shore, lay eggs and swim back into the sea. Both neglect and overindulgence (actually this is a better term in this case than overprotective) create narcissistic personalities, especially in the "disordered" range. I think everyone is just so overwhelmed with the world and chaos that we mostly limp along.
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Old 03-29-2012, 12:37 PM
 
Location: Unknown. Where am I? Am I lost?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnywhereElse View Post
Sounds like narcissistic personalities to me and "overprotective" is often used but that is a relative term depending on a whole lot of factors. I saw it as my job as a parent to teach my sons to be independent, well, for the one with Down syndrome, as independent as possible. I could have been considered an overprotective parent but both children became independent more or less to stand on their own. Some parents are like those sea turtles that run up on shore, lay eggs and swim back into the sea. Both neglect and overindulgence (actually this is a better term in this case than overprotective) create narcissistic personalities, especially in the "disordered" range. I think everyone is just so overwhelmed with the world and chaos that we mostly limp along.
Youre comparing humans and turtles?
Especially something turtles are driven to do by their natural instincts.
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Old 03-29-2012, 01:02 PM
 
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My wife's best friend is the world's worst in this regard. As a result, her 22-year-old daughter can't make the simplest decision in her own life. It is really awful and it does not bode well for their future relationship. For this girl's boyfriend will, should the relationship blossom into marriage, will do his level best to put distance between them and his overbearing, domineering mother-in-law.
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Old 03-31-2012, 08:35 AM
 
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We had a woman where I worked whose parents told her because she was small that she was likely going to be kidnapped. She was terrified to even drive to work, her father would fill up her car with gas so she wouldn't have to worry about being kidnapped at a gas station. She could not out of fear drive to another town 30 miles away. She will very likely live in fear her whole adult life of being kidnapped because they hammered it into her that she had to fear that.
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Old 03-31-2012, 02:36 PM
 
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Originally Posted by malamute View Post
We had a woman where I worked whose parents told her because she was small that she was likely going to be kidnapped. She was terrified to even drive to work, her father would fill up her car with gas so she wouldn't have to worry about being kidnapped at a gas station. She could not out of fear drive to another town 30 miles away. She will very likely live in fear her whole adult life of being kidnapped because they hammered it into her that she had to fear that.
Now that's bizarre. Makes me want to slap the parents.

I had a friend who, when she was a child, had a same-age neighbor who was raped and murdered by another neighbor. On top of that, she was molested by a friend of the family around the same time, but would not seek therapy or talk about it because the man was still friends with her parents and she didn't want to make any waves.

When this woman's daughter was about eight years old, the age at which her friend was murdered and she was abused, she began shoveling huge quantities of food in her kid, who was a normal weight until then but ballooned to obesity. I believe the mother was trying to put a protective layer around her kid.

Fast forward to age 12--I had my daughter and this girl at the mall, and while I was waiting in line to make a purchase, I allowed the kids to go ahead to the food court and wait for me. We had cell phones, so if they needed me they could get hold of me. They were thrilled to enjoy this little bit of independence for 10 minutes. But, the girl must have told her mother, because she called me the next day, furious, to let me know she didn't appreciate it that I'd let the girls be alone for those 10 minutes. Apparently there are men hiding around every corner in the malls with chloroformed rags, waiting to grab the fattest 12-year-old they can find and drag her out of the mall at high noon without her skinny friend noticing a thing.

I knew where her fears came from, so I let her enjoy her irrational rant, but she crippled her daughter by not facing up to her own background.
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Old 03-31-2012, 02:44 PM
Status: "Desperately searching for the grading fairy...." (set 5 days ago)
 
Location: Whoville....
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One of my complaints about my students is that they cannot make decisions and cannot assess their own work. They're, constantly, shoving something at me and asking "Is that right?". I give them a quizzical look and ask "Are you asking me to grade this now?".

Conducting labs with kids who can't make a decision is challenging. I'd rather my students make mistakes than stand there and wait for me to tell them what to do (when they are looking at a set of instructions that tell them EXACTLY what to do!!).
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Old 03-31-2012, 10:30 PM
 
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I actually think I am this to a certain degree, or at least I was raised this way. My mother was very overprotective and it actually has gotten worse as she ages (she does have some cognitive and memory issues).

The primary way this has affected me is my driving. My mother never was a great driver (she once crashed her car into our neighbor's...while the neighbor's car was parked!). She refused to drive on highways or anything requiring a merge. While I'm a much better driver and I know this, she managed to pass this fear down to me. I hate it because I have to find someone else to go with me if I want to go to a concert or anything else that requires any kind of distance. I can't go on vacation by myself, can't go to the shore...which basically means I never go anywhere.

I actually took driving lessons when I was 26 to try and get over this fear, but I had a terrible instructor who yapped on his cell phone the entire time and made me drive in the pouring rain. I'd like to try again with a different company.

My mom wasn't worried so much over strangers or threats for people, but to her the environment was always out to get you. Don't out in a drizzle, because it MIGHT storm and you could get fried by lightning. I always thought it must be exhausting worrying so much.
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Old 04-01-2012, 09:03 AM
 
47,586 posts, read 34,426,613 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
Now that's bizarre. Makes me want to slap the parents.

I had a friend who, when she was a child, had a same-age neighbor who was raped and murdered by another neighbor. On top of that, she was molested by a friend of the family around the same time, but would not seek therapy or talk about it because the man was still friends with her parents and she didn't want to make any waves.

When this woman's daughter was about eight years old, the age at which her friend was murdered and she was abused, she began shoveling huge quantities of food in her kid, who was a normal weight until then but ballooned to obesity. I believe the mother was trying to put a protective layer around her kid.

Fast forward to age 12--I had my daughter and this girl at the mall, and while I was waiting in line to make a purchase, I allowed the kids to go ahead to the food court and wait for me. We had cell phones, so if they needed me they could get hold of me. They were thrilled to enjoy this little bit of independence for 10 minutes. But, the girl must have told her mother, because she called me the next day, furious, to let me know she didn't appreciate it that I'd let the girls be alone for those 10 minutes. Apparently there are men hiding around every corner in the malls with chloroformed rags, waiting to grab the fattest 12-year-old they can find and drag her out of the mall at high noon without her skinny friend noticing a thing.

I knew where her fears came from, so I let her enjoy her irrational rant, but she crippled her daughter by not facing up to her own background.
I never knew the reason for this woman's parents doing this to her -- maybe they knew of a case where a daughter was kidnapped and so had a lot of fear of that happening to their own daughter.

The sad thing is, by making a child fearful of even her own shadow, the child will more likely become a victim than one that is confident - yet smart enough to know there are real risks out there.
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