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Old 04-01-2012, 08:33 PM
 
Location: Nebraska
1,079 posts, read 938,538 times
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How do you handle adult children and holidays? My wife was telling me about a conversation she had with one of the lunch ladies at the school. She told my wife that every holiday is planned around her aunt and it's just too bad if no else can make it on. The kicker is they only get a weeks notice.


To me if you're going to celebrate on an off day, you need to give at least 2-3 weeks notice. That's especially true if you have people who work untraditional hours but get holidays off.


I'm lucky that I can see all my grandchildren/children the day of. Do I always? No. There was one Christmas my oldest daughter and her boyfriend had to move and the weather was not good. One Easter was cancelled due to a lack of interest.
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Old 04-01-2012, 08:37 PM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,744,558 times
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I am an adult child with my own children. When we all lived close, we used to split things up. We spent Christmas Eve with my in-laws, and Christmas Day with my family. Sometimes we did the day after TG with one or the other family. Now that we are spread out every holiday is different. Sometimes we travel to them. Sometimes they travel to us. Our parents have never been without anyone to see on a major holiday. We pretty much stopped doing holidays with my aunts and uncles once all the cousins had kids of their own.
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Old 04-01-2012, 09:54 PM
 
12,915 posts, read 19,798,895 times
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I don't plan. My door is always open. If you want to come, fine, but if not, that's fine too. We don't do up the holiday stuff now that the kids are older. When it fits their schedule I'm happy to make a nice meal, regardless of what day it might be.

I do try to make sure my mother isn't alone on major holidays, but with 6 siblings that isn't usually a problem either.
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Old 04-08-2012, 07:49 PM
 
335 posts, read 813,464 times
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Lots of variables - how close (physically and emotionally) are you and your adults kids, are they married with kids, and how close are the in-laws?

In my family, it was understood that we celebrated holidays at our grandparents. When my grandmother was too tired to host everyone, my mother took over the duties. Those who lived nearby participated, and those who didn't missed out. When inlaws and grandkids were involved, holidays were shared between the families.
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Old 04-08-2012, 10:11 PM
 
18,856 posts, read 30,463,066 times
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My kids are all in their 20's, none have any kids. They all live in different areas of the country, and middle son is Army. They are all busy working, doing stuff. And airfare is so expensive at holidays. We have made it sort of our "time" to be together as a family in July, and go camping. They look forward to that all year, and plan where to go, what to eat, we go where there is no tv, limited cell service, no computers or electricity. It is really nice, and something none of them miss. I am pretty sure as years go on, it will be a time with Grandkids. I will let the other Grandparents have the other holidays. I am good with that.
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Old 04-09-2012, 06:51 AM
 
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Before we had kids, we split time between the families, every other year for Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve with one family, Christmas Day with another, etc. When the kids came along, it just got to be way too much driving so we decided to stay home. One side of the family decided to get together on an off day, same off day every year (for Christmas) the other side said on the holiday or nothing--so we picked nothing. It worked out well as the kids were growing up.

Too many moms, and yes it is usually the mom, forget that their child now has another family and they need to stop being selfish. .

Our plan, as of right now, not having any married adult children yet, is for us to travel to them. If they all end up close to where we live, that's easy, meet at one house each holiday. If they are scattered, we will go to them. Now, when it really comes time to have to decide, we will evaluate what works best for all but I'm going to guess that they will want their kids to have Christmas in their own homes. The other holidays we can do what works best.
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Old 04-09-2012, 07:45 AM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
84,980 posts, read 98,832,039 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
My kids are all in their 20's, none have any kids. They all live in different areas of the country, and middle son is Army. They are all busy working, doing stuff. And airfare is so expensive at holidays. We have made it sort of our "time" to be together as a family in July, and go camping. They look forward to that all year, and plan where to go, what to eat, we go where there is no tv, limited cell service, no computers or electricity. It is really nice, and something none of them miss. I am pretty sure as years go on, it will be a time with Grandkids. I will let the other Grandparents have the other holidays. I am good with that.
That sounds like a wonderful plan!

My 20 somethings are just getting into this stuff. They live in the same metro area as us, but their significants (in one case, fiance) are from out of state. This was the first Christmas that both of our kids weren't with us; one was with the fiance's family. My DD missed being with us and our traditions (his family does not go to church), but the fiance's grandmother just died on Saturday and everyone was saying how good it was that they were all together at Christmas.
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Old 04-09-2012, 08:16 AM
 
1,390 posts, read 1,957,275 times
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My wife and I both come from divorced families + my birthday is 2 days before X-mas, talk about a whirl wind.

We have it planned out pretty well. My mom for my bday/xmas eve morning, dads family for xmas eve, drive home that night (about an hour) open presents at home xmas morning, then drive to her dads for xmas day.

Her mom lives about 4 hours away, so we usually do an xmas/new years celebration there the next week.

Crazy few weeks, but I would feel so empty and sad not seeing everyone during the holidays.
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Old 04-09-2012, 01:50 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn New York
15,231 posts, read 23,764,219 times
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Holidays are a PITA.
My family, we do something different as to not avoid the rut, or the, well, I had it last year, its your turn this year. No, we went to his side last year, its our side this year.
No, I am too old to play that crap. Every year i do something different and see different people. Sometimes my parents, sometimes my sons, sometimes friends...sometimes different relatives...my sons now they all have g/f's so now there are more in laws and it gets harder.

So we just do every year different, that way no one gets hurt, and it isn't my problem who does not have a plan.

and then there are times I just want to stay home and do our own thing, expecially if I have a project going on in the house...
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Old 04-09-2012, 02:22 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 3,899,868 times
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My family & I live about 7 hours away from our families, parents that is. I do have 2 siblings that live close by my parents as well, one sibling lives further away with his family.

My husband and I moved away soon after getting married due to our jobs and we did not have children until almost 8 years after getting married, so we went home all of the time, for every single holiday, birthday party,etc...
Our family got use to that and even after our 1st child, we continued to do so.
My parents and sister were ( and are) still very good about coming to visit us at some point during the year, but it is never for a major holiday (only 1 time in the 15 years we have lived away, has anyone come to us for a major holiday).
My husbands family NEVER comes.

Now that our children are in elementary school, and busy with activities, things have gotten busier and more difficult. We still go home every year for Christmas and to be honest, it is all to keep everyone ( but ourselves) happy. It is a HUGE PIA to have to bring all the santa gifts with us, and travel suring Christmas.
Our kids have never had Christmas morning in our own house but it seems to everyone that is the way it should be since we are the ones who live away. They have all made it very clear they will not travel for Christmas.
We have now spent a few Thanksgiving holidays not traveling because it is just too much for us to do so.
We have tried ro put our foot down and say we aren't coming for everything anymore but it is difficult because we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
We even had both if our childrens baptisms at my parents church so that all the family could come and we were not very happy about doing so .

We know our girls love being with their grandparents, cousins, as do we, so we don't let them know how hard it is on us. Eventually, there will come a time when we just cannot do it, but we do wish there was more equality in the amount of travel. We wish they would come to us for more holidays....

We also spend a week home during the Summer and this also creates issues with my husband because we use so much of his vacarion time visiting with family, we never take an actual family vacation anywhere....
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