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Old 04-06-2012, 01:46 PM
 
47,586 posts, read 34,550,165 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie View Post
Seriously, I just feel like I'm losing it and just don't know what to do with him. If I can't control a two year old, what's gonna happen when he's 5, 10, 15?
A two year old is like a severly bipolar adult. Sweet one minute and then throwing a tantrum the next.

A two year old cannot control himself so you can't control him either. You don't cave into them when they have tantrums but their attention span is quite short and that can work in your favor.

Trying too hard to control a two year old will only frustrate you, and you don't want to spend your time mad at them. Don't cave in to the tantrums but I woudn't worry too much yet. They're still just babies.

A lot of what he's doing sounds like it's for attention, and as long as he's not in danger, sometimes ignoring the defiant behavior works just as well, if he's throwing things like food then just take it away so he can't. If he puts himself in danger, remove him or give him a gentle swat on the rear end but some kids at that age learn how fun it is to manipulate the parents. Don't let him control you is the only thing.
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Old 04-06-2012, 02:08 PM
 
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I'd call your local Head Start program. They usually offer parenting classes for free and will send someone to your home to observe your son and offer suggestions on how to discipline him in a way that works with his personality.

I have a friend who works as a parent educator there and she'll visit some kids once a week, and others once a month. She'll also refer parents to different social services agencies for additional support if they need it.

Parenting is hard work. There's certainly nothing wrong with asking for help.
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Old 04-06-2012, 02:22 PM
 
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You are not a horrible mother. He sounds like a handful but I believe you will find a way to deal with this. And you are doing the right thing seeking, thinking, asking, learning. You will be fine.
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Old 04-06-2012, 02:38 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
7,990 posts, read 5,203,406 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaMc46 View Post
I'd call your local Head Start program. They usually offer parenting classes for free and will send someone to your home to observe your son and offer suggestions on how to discipline him in a way that works with his personality.

I have a friend who works as a parent educator there and she'll visit some kids once a week, and others once a month. She'll also refer parents to different social services agencies for additional support if they need it.

Parenting is hard work. There's certainly nothing wrong with asking for help.

LOL... the above bolded words made me chuckle. When other people were around, my children were ANGELS....perfect, amazing, model children, DREAM children!! It was only when company left, that the real children would emerge.
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Old 04-06-2012, 02:52 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
3,388 posts, read 1,733,803 times
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First off, big hugs, OP. It is such hard work sometimes to have little ones and every parent gets tired and frazzled at times, especially at the ages where the kiddos are testing limits to figure out how the world works. You are so not a bad parent. It is okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes. Any chance you can schedule in a little "me time" for yourself?

You've gotten some great advice already on the thread, but I wanted to add two other books that you may or may not be interested in. I found both to be useful, but in general, I think the trick is finding the parenting style that works for the particular parent and child pair, which will be different for everyone.

1-2-3 Magic has two sections: one for reducing behaviors you don't want to see, and one for increasing behaviors you do want to see.
Amazon.com: 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 (9780963386199): Thomas W. Phelan: Books

The Mindful Parenting book has more to do with how we as parents can be as effective as possible by responding to things as they happen in the moment, attending to positive experiences, and becoming aware of our own thoughts and emotions in moments when we feel ready to pull out our hair, so that we react effectively and not out of frustration.
Amazon.com: Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting (9780786883141): Myla Kabat-zinn, Jon Kabat-Zinn: Books

Hang in there! Despite the book recs, there's no manual - we're all just a parenting work-in-progress.
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Old 04-06-2012, 04:40 PM
 
9,279 posts, read 5,283,506 times
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Hey OP get someone to watch your child for a little while, go take a bath, go watch a movie at the theater (even if your alone), anything to make you remember that you are a human being. Because you are not a bad mom, you are just overwhelmed. This is why the practice in most parts of the world includes other family members living nearby or even in the same house.

So get some time "off", get a good nights sleep, and take a deep breath. It will likely seem way less overwhelming.
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Old 04-06-2012, 04:50 PM
 
Location: MASSACHUSETTS
741 posts, read 241,869 times
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I feel horrible when I'm annoyed by my 4 yr old nephew(I babysit him a lot) and don't want to be around him, I have slapped him on the butt hard a couple times to where he cried and ran away, even though I know what he did was wrong and needed to be punished I can't forgive myself for it...I feel like I should be the 'cool' uncle and not punish him at all and give him everything he wants and play with him even when I don't want to. I replay slapping him in my mind frequently...

If I was his dad it would be much easier to punish him(taking away privileges etc.) without ever hitting him. Am I wrong or a bad person for hitting him?
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Old 04-06-2012, 04:56 PM
 
455 posts, read 288,396 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sturmgeist View Post
I feel horrible when I'm annoyed by my 4 yr old nephew(I babysit him a lot) and don't want to be around him, I have slapped him on the butt hard a couple times to where he cried and ran away, even though I know what he did was wrong and needed to be punished I can't forgive myself for it...I feel like I should be the 'cool' uncle and not punish him at all and give him everything he wants and play with him even when I don't want to. I replay slapping him in my mind frequently...

If I was his dad it would be much easier to punish him(taking away privileges etc.) without ever hitting him. Am I wrong or a bad person for hitting him?
Um....does his mother/father know you slapped him? I wouldn't be happy if someone else slapped my child. My mother, who sees my kid once a month at best, mentioned it and I told her she better not. I don't see why she'd want to threaten the tenuous relationship she has with that kind of junk but whatever.
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Old 04-06-2012, 05:10 PM
 
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^^^

Or the opposite. but my son has been supportive of my disciplining his daughter on the rare occasions I have had to step in.
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Old 04-06-2012, 05:22 PM
 
423 posts, read 206,593 times
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I'm completely exhausted and just at my wits end, which doesn't help because I end up behaving in all kinds of wrong ways myself which probably makes it worse - bribing him, giving in to demands, snapping, raising my voice, I've called him a bad boy and such even though I feel guilty and know you should never say things like that - i just snap and then regret it. I just don't know how to keep him in control without having constant screaming all the time, I feel like such a bad mom. Help!!! [/quote]

Speaking from experience, you are right on point, re: the bolded. My oldest, who is now 18? thought he was a devils spawn. Took about 10 years for me to learn most of his behavior was a projection of my own. Yes, even as young as two. As the parent and the adult, you have to do whatever it takes to get control of yourself, first or you're in for a looooong ride! It's possible though
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