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Old 04-06-2012, 05:45 PM
 
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This is a spin off of the birthday party thread. It seems that some people think that children don't have friends they prefer at 4 and 5. My kids did, but I wonder if kids are more socially inept now than they were in the 70s when my children were born.

I know that my kids not only had preferences for certain other friends, but they also had kids they played with on a regular basis. We started with a moms play school (4 moms in my neighborhood) who rotated houses and the kids played together once a week at 18 months to 3 years when they started preschool. At first we had all the moms stay, then 2 moms and finally 1 mom would handle the 4 children. These kids got along really well with guidance at first and later as neighborhood friends who went to preschool, kindergarten and elementary school together.

What happened in middle school is a whole different game, but at least early on this worked. As moms, of course, this started with the moms being friends and having children about the same ages, but it progressed relatively quickly to friendships between the kids themselves at preschool age.

How Toddler & Preschooler Friendships Really Work | BabyZone

Quote:
Give-and-take, cooperative friendship does not generally exist until around age three, according to the child psychologists, pediatricians and childcare providers interviewed. But children can and do express preferences for other kids long before then.
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Old 04-06-2012, 05:48 PM
 
Location: here
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Originally Posted by nana053 View Post
This is a spin off of the birthday party thread. It seems that some people think that children don't have friends they prefer at 4 and 5. My kids did, but I wonder if kids are more socially inept now than they were in the 70s when my children were born.

I know that my kids not only had preferences for certain other friends, but they also had kids they played with on a regular basis. We started with a moms play school (4 moms in my neighborhood) who rotated houses and the kids played together once a week at 18 months to 3 years when they started preschool. At first we had all the moms stay, then 2 moms and finally 1 mom would handle the 4 children. These kids got along really well with guidance at first and later as neighborhood friends who went to preschool, kindergarten and elementary school together.

What happened in middle school is a whole different game, but at least early on this worked. As moms, of course, this started with the moms being friends and having children about the same ages, but it progressed relatively quickly to friendships between the kids themselves at preschool age.

How Toddler & Preschooler Friendships Really Work | BabyZone
I hope you aren't meaning to call my son socially inept because he got along with everyone in his class. He's a sweet boy and I thought it was nice that his class wasn't cliquey at such a young age. By 1st grade he had a couple of obvious best friends. I see nothing wrong with this.
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Old 04-06-2012, 05:48 PM
 
Location: Geneva, IL
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Originally Posted by nana053 View Post
It seems that some people think that children don't have friends they prefer at 4 and 5. My kids did, but I wonder if kids are more socially inept now than they were in the 70s when my children were born.
I think kids today are quite capable of having friendships at 4 or 5. I think they should also be taught etiquette and manners, and how to treat not only one's friends, but children that are aquaintances and children they do not get along with. In other words socialization in general, and who better to set a good example that the parents. That's our job.
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Old 04-06-2012, 05:50 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Zimbochick View Post
I think kids today are quite capable of having friendships at 4 or 5. I think they should also be taught etiquette and manners, and how to treat not only one's friends, but children that are aquaintances and children they do not get along with. In other words socialization in general, and who better to set a good example that the parents. That's our job.
I agree that they should get along with all the kids, but that does not mean they have to invite them to their homes or have them at their birthday parties. Those are things for their special friends.
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Old 04-06-2012, 05:52 PM
 
Location: Geneva, IL
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Originally Posted by nana053 View Post
I agree that they should get along with all the kids, but that does not mean they have to invite them to their homes or have them at their birthday parties. Those are things for their special friends.
The reason most invite the whole class of 4 year-olds in a preschool setting is because 4 year-olds are notoriously indiscreet, and feeling will be hurt. Now obviously some don't care, and some do. It would depend on the precedent and example you wish to set, and how much or little you care about the feelings of the one or two that were not invited.
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Old 04-06-2012, 05:56 PM
 
Location: here
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Originally Posted by nana053 View Post
I agree that they should get along with all the kids, but that does not mean they have to invite them to their homes or have them at their birthday parties. Those are things for their special friends.
That's your opinion, and that's fine. There is also nothing wrong with inviting everyone if that's what the parents feel comfortable doing. No need to act like something is wrong with the kid because they want to include everyone.
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Old 04-06-2012, 06:29 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Zimbochick View Post
The reason most invite the whole class of 4 year-olds in a preschool setting is because 4 year-olds are notoriously indiscreet, and feeling will be hurt. Now obviously some don't care, and some do. It would depend on the precedent and example you wish to set, and how much or little you care about the feelings of the one or two that were not invited.
This, exactly.

And, I think they're capable of having friendships, MissFR has a couple of kids that she's bonded with more than the others. But they do encourage everyone to consider everyone else, and mix up the kids at their two lunch tables, so that they don't get super cliquey.

I think there's plenty of time to deal with that whole social structure later.
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Old 04-06-2012, 06:49 PM
 
Location: New York City
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In my child's case she was capable of having real, meaningful friendships around 3. That's kind of typical for most girls in nursery school settings
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Old 04-06-2012, 08:46 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
That's your opinion, and that's fine. There is also nothing wrong with inviting everyone if that's what the parents feel comfortable doing. No need to act like something is wrong with the kid because they want to include everyone.
There is nothing wrong with including the whole class *if* that is really what the parent wants to do. I just object to pressuring everyone to do it.
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Old 04-06-2012, 08:58 PM
 
Location: Space Coast
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My daughter started having definite preferences for who she was friends with starting around age 3 and a half. Her pre-k class of 4 year olds was horrible with the cliques. Now she is in kindergarten, and while there is less free time for cliques, she has very well-defined likes and dislikes about who she is friends with (while remaining polite to everyone.)
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