I love perfect parents, with perfect children... (teenagers, spank, daughter)
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Well, as I stated "I absolutely LOVE people who are "perfect" parents, and have "perfect" kids.
They don't allow their kids to eat candy, or heaven forbid, fast food.
Their teens have immaculate bedrooms, get straight A grades, and they never use their cell phones for texting at dinner.
Their kids never watched t.v., they did "Baby Einstein" DVD's.
These kids never talk back, and are absolute angels, at all times.
No doubt, these perfect parents never yelled, or lost their temper with their kids, after all, how could you with such a perfect child?
Anyone know some perfect parents? With perfect kids? Or I am just a terrible Mom, with rotten kids...
I know a few, but they are in the minority. One bragged during a mom's night out that she would never feed her child "poison from McDonald's" and that her child didn't even know what McDonald's was.
Another implied that I was a bad mother because I told her that I limit my kids' activities based on our budget. For instance, they can only play one sport, or take one dance lesson at a time. She said, "If you tell your child that you can't something you are telling her that YOU CANT AFFORD Her. You are telling her she should have never been born."
That perfect mom chooses to live in an apartment instead of purchasing a home because she never wants to say no to her child, who takes dance lessons every day and competes in dance competitions on the weekends.
Don't get me started on all the moms of children who are "gifted" because they watched Baby Einstein DVDs and attended baby art and music classes. I just can't compete.
I think this thread is confusing two different things: parents - and just people in general - who are I'm-better-than-you know-it-alls, who will put down others' choices, lecture or act condescending, etc. I personally abhor people like that and keep the hell away from them. However, this is very different from simply making your own choices as a parent and voicing them when a discussion on the topic arises - without making others feel bad for doing differently is the key. The latter deserves as much respect as any other parent, as long as they're not pushing their views on others. Meaning a parent who doesn't want to feed their child candy or mcdonalds has just as much of a right to do so as someone who does - or as someone who is vegan, kosher, whatever. Personally I could care less if someone feeds their kids mcdonalds, and I'd never judge them for it - but I don't feed it to my kid and don't eat myself and neither does anyone in my family, and yes my son doesn't know what it is - because I think it's gross, bad for you, and doesn't even taste good and I don't see the point of eating that stuff so why would I voluntarily feed it to my kid? And BY NO MEANS do I consider myself a perfect parent or even anywhere close to it for that matter - just this for me is one of the choices I make, and why not?
Same with the lady with the apartment and dance lessons - while it was wrong on her part to say what she did about your choices, I can understand if she chooses to make her daughter's classes a priority over owning a house - especially since it's money spent on dance classes, not like unlimited cellphones and nail polish or something. If that's something her daughter loves and is passionate about, it may make them both much happier living in apartment than it would living in a house and not being able to afford the dance. I certainly wouldn't judge her on that front. Again, it's the form of the delivery that's rude, not necessarily the parent's choices behind it. JMO.
Of course we want to celebrate their successes. That isn't the kind of thing I'm thinking of, and I doubt it is what the OP was thinking either. It is the ones who claim their kids never have tantrums in public, never are loud or bothersome in a restaurant, never disobey, never had a problem walking on their own (ie needed a stroller or a harness). The list goes on and on.
That pisses me off to no end because my kids never did any of those things.
I encountered these kinds of parents one time.
When i was a nanny i went with them to kansas city and their whole family was there.
Just as a little back ground the husband and wife i worked for the husband was white and the mom was a mix of native american and mexican i think. His brother married a woman who was blonde haired and blue eyed.
This plays a huge part. His brothers wife looked down upon the woman i nannied for big time and i attribute that to her being "brown" and not coming from money.
It was the husbands dads birthday and we went out to eat and the kids i nannied for were sitting on the ground playing, (we had a private room) and would visit with grandpa and were giggling and happy.
The other two kids (the brothers kids) which were the same age sat quietly at the table, they actually both looked drugged, the littke boy couldnt wake up enough to eat and the baby just sat their like they had been given high doses of benedryl and they didnt sit on grandpas lap, they werent smiling, and they looked like zombies. He mother just sat there saying my children dont get up in restaraunts, even though we had our own private room for the whole family.
The brothers wife sat thers snubbing the woman i nannied for and kept dropping slight comments here and there to insinuate that she was the much better parent.
I would have hated to break it to her but her children looked like they were in a stupor. Groggy, couldnt fully wake up and i swear i had never seen a baby before that sat totally still, made no noise and just let someone shovel food into its mouth.
She really should have taken a good look at herself before she started judging the woman i nannied for.
That pisses me off to no end because my kids never did any of those things.
These are merely a few of a long list. Should I name some others? Sorry, but I don't believe that your kids NEVER disobeyed you. Maybe it is rare now. I don't know how old they are, but surely they pushed some limits at one time or another. Otherwise, why would you have needed to read all those books you always recommend.
These are merely a few of a long list. Should I name some others? Sorry, but I don't believe that your kids NEVER disobeyed you. Maybe it is rare now. I don't know how old they are, but surely they pushed some limits at one time or another. Otherwise, why would you have needed to read all those books you always recommend.
The POINT is that it is nothing short of sour grapes when someone complains that someone else might actually do something well. My kids are freaking awesome kids. I had a lot to do with it. I am damned proud of them AND me. If that makes someone bitter, that is there problem.
I think this thread is confusing two different things: parents - and just people in general - who are I'm-better-than-you know-it-alls, who will put down others' choices, lecture or act condescending, etc. I personally abhor people like that and keep the hell away from them. However, this is very different from simply making your own choices as a parent and voicing them when a discussion on the topic arises - without making others feel bad for doing differently is the key. The latter deserves as much respect as any other parent, as long as they're not pushing their views on others. Meaning a parent who doesn't want to feed their child candy or mcdonalds has just as much of a right to do so as someone who does - or as someone who is vegan, kosher, whatever. Personally I could care less if someone feeds their kids mcdonalds, and I'd never judge them for it - but I don't feed it to my kid and don't eat myself and neither does anyone in my family, and yes my son doesn't know what it is - because I think it's gross, bad for you, and doesn't even taste good and I don't see the point of eating that stuff so why would I voluntarily feed it to my kid? And BY NO MEANS do I consider myself a perfect parent or even anywhere close to it for that matter - just this for me is one of the choices I make, and why not?
Same with the lady with the apartment and dance lessons - while it was wrong on her part to say what she did about your choices, I can understand if she chooses to make her daughter's classes a priority over owning a house - especially since it's money spent on dance classes, not like unlimited cellphones and nail polish or something. If that's something her daughter loves and is passionate about, it may make them both much happier living in apartment than it would living in a house and not being able to afford the dance. I certainly wouldn't judge her on that front. Again, it's the form of the delivery that's rude, not necessarily the parent's choices behind it. JMO.
This is the best post on this subject. There is a way to express your own parenting methods or beliefs without degrading, condescending, or critical of someone else's methods. There's also no need to get defensive or offended if someone has a different way of parenting. I personally enjoy hearing about methods different from my own, I find it interesting. However, I don't enjoy or appreciate being called abusive, a bad parent, etc. for my own choices, whether they be spanking, working, letting my kid watch tv all night, or feeding her McDonalds. I've heard a lot of different ways of parenting on here, but no matter what they were, I can usually tell that the parent loves and cares for their child, which is all that really matters.
Gosh, I certainly hope no one thinks I am claiming to be a perfect parent when I brag about my children. Don't we all want to celebrate the success of our kids? Of course it can be done without making it seem we are casting dispersion on other parents.
You come off as a loving mother who shares her struggles, who is willing (even eager) to learn from others.
Personally, I love hearing about your younger girls. Especially what you went through to adopt them.
The POINT is that it is nothing short of sour grapes when someone complains that someone else might actually do something well. My kids are freaking awesome kids. I had a lot to do with it. I am damned proud of them AND me. If that makes someone bitter, that is there problem.
I don't think anyone is complaining when other parents do something well. It is something to be proud of and happy about. Personally, I think it's useful to hear what other parents do that works for them, especially when the parent has worked hard to figure out what those things are. I enjoy hearing people enjoy and be proud of their children. What I don't enjoy is hearing someone else's child can do no wrong (I am not saying that you are saying this, I'm talking about parents in general).
What people complain about is when other parents suggest that their way is THE way, or forget that one size does not fit all, or assume on the basis of very limited information in a post or a conversation that they have all the answers for someone else. That is complaining about someone's arrogance or belief that they have all the answers. Just an observation, but I find the more know-it-all the parent, the younger his/her children and/or the more "all or none" the world view. I agree with the poster who said there are more "perfect children" until the kids get older and the parents have some more experience under their belts. IME, it's not the content of the know-it-alls' advice, but the delivery that makes it obnoxious behavior.
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These are merely a few of a long list. Should I name some others? Sorry, but I don't believe that your kids NEVER disobeyed you. Maybe it is rare now. I don't know how old they are, but surely they pushed some limits at one time or another. Otherwise, why would you have needed to read all those books you always recommend. 
