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Old 04-12-2012, 12:08 PM
Status: "The Union forever! Down with the traitors." (set 1 day ago)
 
13,619 posts, read 17,206,640 times
Reputation: 11745

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Quote:
Originally Posted by psr13 View Post
Another poster said that the people who loved doing lots of activities at a time weren't eight, but I was doing it in fourth and fifth grades. I wasn't much older than the mentioned age, but I've always loved being busy. Yes, maybe they mom is forcing them to do the activities, but the possibility that the kids want to do them is also there.
That brings up an interesting question though and was sort of the core of the disagreement. Is being that busy, even if the kid wants to do it, a good thing? Is always being busy and being in multiple activities a "better" situation then ensuring your kids have some balance and some downtime to just "be a kid"?

I don't personally think so. I think kids need to have a decent amount of free and unstructured time to just play or hang out with their friends, especially at the younger ages. People constantly lament the lack of kids playing outside together in unstructured activities and the obsession with social media, but maybe, just maybe those are a by-product of our focus on keeping our kids "busy and involved".

I'm not sure what the correct balance is, but I don't think either extreme is good.
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Old 04-12-2012, 08:53 PM
 
8,241 posts, read 10,481,603 times
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One of my pet peeves is the kids and parents who are overscheduled with sports and extracurriculars who complain about too much homework! Hey, if you didn't do all those activities, you'd have a lot more time for homework!
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Old 04-12-2012, 08:55 PM
 
10,118 posts, read 11,396,373 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mimimomx3 View Post
One of my pet peeves is the kids and parents who are overscheduled with sports and extracurriculars who complain about too much homework! Hey, if you didn't do all those activities, you'd have a lot more time for homework!
Don't all kids complain about homework?
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Old 04-12-2012, 09:02 PM
 
8,241 posts, read 10,481,603 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
Don't all kids complain about homework?
KIDS have always complained about homework, but now parents are the ones who do so! Some of us think that homework is important...and -gasp- comes before activities....
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Old 04-12-2012, 09:12 PM
 
10,118 posts, read 11,396,373 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mimimomx3 View Post
KIDS have always complained about homework, but now parents are the ones who do so! Some of us think that homework is important...and -gasp- comes before activities....
My point is that kids complain about homework whether they do 20 activities, or none.

I don't think homework is the be all and end all of education.
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Old 04-12-2012, 09:22 PM
 
Location: Unknown. Where am I? Am I lost?
5,515 posts, read 3,267,620 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NJGOAT View Post
That brings up an interesting question though and was sort of the core of the disagreement. Is being that busy, even if the kid wants to do it, a good thing? Is always being busy and being in multiple activities a "better" situation then ensuring your kids have some balance and some downtime to just "be a kid"?

I don't personally think so. I think kids need to have a decent amount of free and unstructured time to just play or hang out with their friends, especially at the younger ages. People constantly lament the lack of kids playing outside together in unstructured activities and the obsession with social media, but maybe, just maybe those are a by-product of our focus on keeping our kids "busy and involved".

I'm not sure what the correct balance is, but I don't think either extreme is good.
What does just being a kid mean?
Does being a kid have to mean you run around aimlessly outside playing in the dirt and playing pretend like in the good ole days?

If I was a kid all I would want to do was go swimming and play soccer and do art classes and get to play with paint. I wouldn't have minded being in swim classes and soccer camps and art classes because "just being a kid" usually meant playing alone or with the other kids in the complex, which included one girl who thought she was a horse and she'd actually eat hay from haystacks that I frequently watched her father (the maintenance man of the complex) spray with pesticides to keep the bugs out of it.

Tons of activities would have been so much better.
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Old 04-12-2012, 10:57 PM
 
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I don't understand the fact that you had to be rude. There are ways to handle situations and people. Coming down to somebody's level perpetrates the exact same behavior your railing against. And what did you solve at the end? Absolutely nothing. Besides the satisfaction of insulting a mother who at least gives a damn about her kids enough to feed them, clothe them, provide a shelter for them, and actually be involved in their lives. You know how many kids in my high school could have used a mother like theirs? They wouldn't have became such a mess if they had a parent who cared and pushed them to succeed.
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Old 04-13-2012, 10:50 AM
Status: "The Union forever! Down with the traitors." (set 1 day ago)
 
13,619 posts, read 17,206,640 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
What does just being a kid mean?
Does being a kid have to mean you run around aimlessly outside playing in the dirt and playing pretend like in the good ole days?

If I was a kid all I would want to do was go swimming and play soccer and do art classes and get to play with paint. I wouldn't have minded being in swim classes and soccer camps and art classes because "just being a kid" usually meant playing alone or with the other kids in the complex, which included one girl who thought she was a horse and she'd actually eat hay from haystacks that I frequently watched her father (the maintenance man of the complex) spray with pesticides to keep the bugs out of it.

Tons of activities would have been so much better.
There are a lot of benefits gleaned from free play, at least according to the AAP. No, it doesn't need to be playing with the girl who eats pesticide laden hay, but it definitely needs to be unstructured and open.

The Benefits of Free Play

Quote:
When your child plays freely, like when he hunts for bugs, pretends to be a knight, or romps at the playground, he learns to be resilient and able to manage stress. Free play is also important for him to reach important social, emotional, and intellectual milestones. This is according to an American Academy of Pediatrics report.

Your kid should have a balance of appropriately challenging academic schedule and extracurricular activities. This should be based on your child’s unique needs, and not on competitive community standards.
The balance thing is what I think a lot of people are missing. School takes up a huge amount of time and not just in classes, but doing projects and homework as well. Most activities now are a minimum of 2 days a week during the week and most likely one weekend day as well.

Here's my sons schedule on a typical day where there is baseball. Get up at 7am, have breakfast and get ready for school. On the bus by 8:15am. The bus drops him off at 3:45pm. He then has a snack and does homework which usually takes until around 4:45pm. He then gets ready for baseball and we have to be at the field and ready to go by 5:30pm. Practice ends at 7:30pm. Get home, eat a quick dinner, get in the shower and hope to be in bed by 8:30pm. There is pretty much no downtime on these days.

On days when there isn't baseball, he gets home at the same time, does his homework and then goes out to play with his friends at the local playground, ride his bike, play with his sisters, play a game on the computer, etc. We have a dinner as a family around 6:30pm and then start the bedtime ritual that ends with me reading him a chapter or two out of whatever book we're into.

To me, he has balance. Kids who are in multiple activities never get the family dinner time, never get the extra reading time and don't have any socialization outside of a structured environment...unless they are willing to sacrifice getting an adequate amount of sleep. It's just not healthy, especially for young kids and yes, I think it's a parents responsibility to balance this for them even if they really want to do all those things.

Quote:
Originally Posted by allenk893 View Post
I don't understand the fact that you had to be rude. There are ways to handle situations and people. Coming down to somebody's level perpetrates the exact same behavior your railing against. And what did you solve at the end? Absolutely nothing. Besides the satisfaction of insulting a mother who at least gives a damn about her kids enough to feed them, clothe them, provide a shelter for them, and actually be involved in their lives. You know how many kids in my high school could have used a mother like theirs? They wouldn't have became such a mess if they had a parent who cared and pushed them to succeed.
OK, maybe I was rude and 'sunk to her level', but she was the one challenging me and other parents and painting us as "less" because we didn't keep our kids eternally busy. Sorry, I'm not going to roll over and be bullied by this woman just because she thinks she is superior to everyone else and other people choose to feed her inflated sense of worth.

You know what I accomplished, I accomplished sending a clear signal that says; "I don't care who you are, I'm not playing your little mind game and I'm not going to roll over and kiss your ass like others do. You respect my choices and I'll respect yours. We are equals, I expect to be treated as such and if you choose not to, then don't expect me not to respond."

What would you have suggested? Sit there quietly while she insults me to my face in front of a group of other parents and then run home and tell my wife that the lady at baseball was mean to me? Maybe my wife could have called her husband and he would have made her apologize.

As for the last part, sure neglect is bad and I venture Super Mom is a far better choice then neglectful mom, but I imagine both of them will have kids that grow up and resent them.
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Old 04-13-2012, 11:07 AM
 
8,012 posts, read 3,979,259 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NJGOAT View Post
That brings up an interesting question though and was sort of the core of the disagreement. Is being that busy, even if the kid wants to do it, a good thing? Is always being busy and being in multiple activities a "better" situation then ensuring your kids have some balance and some downtime to just "be a kid"?

It was crystal clear in the case of my daughter. She was experiencing symptoms of stress! In second grade. She loved all her activities and was bummed when we curtailed them. But curtail them we did. Immediate relief from the stress symptoms.
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Old 04-13-2012, 11:08 AM
 
8,012 posts, read 3,979,259 times
Reputation: 9557
Quote:
Originally Posted by NJGOAT View Post
OK, maybe I was rude and 'sunk to her level', but she was the one challenging me and other parents and painting us as "less" because we didn't keep our kids eternally busy. Sorry, I'm not going to roll over and be bullied by this woman just because she thinks she is superior to everyone else and other people choose to feed her inflated sense of worth.
I don't think you were rude at all. You continued a conversation which she started.
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