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I have never--seriously, never--encountered a parent who claimed to have not one, but TWO children who never whined or threw a tantrum. And not just in the indulgently hyperbolic way that parents often speak of their kids, but in earnest. I know you have done extensive study about discipline, and that's wonderful. I don't doubt that your children are extraordinary but I really think there's something more at work here than reading the right books.
I have never--seriously, never--encountered a parent who claimed to have not one, but TWO children who never whined or threw a tantrum.
I was no clear. I did not say that, or least that is not what I meant. Look further down thread. The eldest did. It took about 2 times for him to "get" that he can't do that. I have no recollection of my dd throwing tantrums. So it sure could not have been too many times before she got the same message.
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And not just in the indulgently hyperbolic way that parents often speak of their kids, but in earnest. I know you have done extensive study about discipline, and that's wonderful. I don't doubt that your children are extraordinary but I really think there's something more at work here than reading the right books.
My kids are wonderful, of course. I love them more than life itself like anyone else. But "extraordinary"? Don't know about that.
Having a child who never tantrums is hardly indicative of learning how to deal with tantrums without hitting, seems to me. But having a total of a couple in their entire preschool career might. I have never understood accepting tantrums or whining as a necessary long term part of a small child's life. I have a friend who rings her hands because her son pitches fits. DEAREST you stop what you are doing and attend to him like he is king of the hill every time he does it!
Having a child who never tantrums is hardly indicative of learning how to deal with tantrums without hitting, seems to me. But having a total of a couple in their entire preschool career might. I have never understood accepting tantrums or whining as a necessary long term part of a small child's life. I have a friend who rings her hands because her son pitches fits. DEAREST you stop what you are doing and attend to him like he is king of the hill every time he does it!
It's great you have compliant children, and have figured out discipline that works for you. Bear in mind, all children and families are different. What works for one may not work for all.
It's great you have compliant children, and have figured out discipline that works for you. Bear in mind, all children and families are different. What works for one may not work for all.
It is true that what works for one child may not work for all children and that what works for one family may not work for another family.
That said though, there are many techniques that can be tried and you do not have to hit, pinch or hurt a child to discipline them.
Positive discipline works. Teaching children how to productively deal with their emotions (when they are calm) works too. Each technique you use needs to be individually tailored to the child's personality and to the situation. You need to be consistent, but you also need to try different ideas depending on what you are trying to accomplish.
Btw, compliance is nice, but it is not the end goal. The end goal, imo, is teaching a child right from wrong and teaching the child to self-discipline rather than to be compliant to an authority. Compliance, of course, is necessary in some situations. Discerning when you must comply and when you should not comply, but should actually rebel is an important skill too.
Two things. I don't think behavior is the golden goal you do. I LOOKED really well behaved. But there is the second thing. I cannot imagine where you get this fantasy that kids were all that well behaved back then. When authority was tight, you hid, rebelled or complied just enough to get them off your back.
I am thinking of my siblings (of which I have many), their friends, my friends, the neighborhood kids, the other kids I knew or knew of in school. None of us were particularly well behaved, down right thugs if I were to share our shenanegans. My Mom tells me the things she knows that she never mentioned. I laugh. She has no idea. This goody two shoes did drugs with the rest of them. And then got lauded at church as a model of exemplary behavior while all my friends chuckled behind their hands.
But even sadder were the kids who were cowed. yes Mom. No, Mom. I am going to give myself an aneurism because my mom is going to freak that I got a 97.
Whoever first bastardized the time out as if it is the cure all should be shot. People parade the failure of the complete misuse of the time out as evidence that we should be hitting our children. It it not just spanking that is the problem, it is the entire authority based, punitive model.
Nope. We WERE well behaved. My friends and I had parents who handled discipline pretty much the same. The'd kick our ever lovin' butts if we ever truely stepped out of line and we knew it. While other kids did drugs, my group did not except for one girl whose parents didn't discipline. She was into drugs and ended up pregnant at 16.
I saw one case of discipline gone awry when I was growing up and that was two girls who, literally, were not allowed 30 feet from their property. We'd talk to them over the fence in their yard. They ended up rebelling at 18. The rest of us got jobs or went to college.
Corporal punishment has a long history of being successful. A healthy fear of your parents works well.
I was no clear. I did not say that, or least that is not what I meant. Look further down thread. The eldest did. It took about 2 times for him to "get" that he can't do that. I have no recollection of my dd throwing tantrums. So it sure could not have been too many times before she got the same message.
My kids are wonderful, of course. I love them more than life itself like anyone else. But "extraordinary"? Don't know about that.
It's great you have compliant children, and have figured out discipline that works for you. Bear in mind, all children and families are different. What works for one may not work for all.
I am not sure what makes you think I have compliant children. Well my daughter might be. Every other child care provider my son ever had called him somewhere between strong willed and a trouble maker. Do you not think that parents can sometimes have an effective impact on how our children behave? If not, then what the hell is the point of discussing it?
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