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I am not sure what makes you think I have compliant children. Well my daughter might be. Every other child care provider my son ever had called him somewhere between strong willed and a trouble maker. Do you not think that parents can sometimes have an effective impact on how our children behave? If not, then what the hell is the point of discussing it?
Simply stopping the behavior is an inadequate goal, in my opinion. Slavery was in existence for centuries upon centuries. That does not make it good or right. That humanity has been cruel and stupid for a long time does not a good argument make.
WHAT???? Who said anything about slavery???
When it comes to children, who are often too young to really reason with, the goal IS proper behavior. They can learn why they behave this way later. For now, it's enough that they behave.
That's nice for you. Doesn't say much about the entirety of "back then".
I'm not talking about just me. I'm talking the entire group in my neighborhood who had parents who would have kicked our butts if we'd stepped out of line. I can throw in the kids dh grew up hanging around as well. My FIL thought nothing of dragging a child, or two, behind the barn and using a switch on them. We weren't the kids misbehaving. That would be the kids whose parents thought they were their friends or were just too busy to bother with them.
Corporal punishment has worked and worked well for hundreds of years. You can't argue with success.
I'm not talking about just me. I'm talking the entire group in my neighborhood who had parents who would have kicked our butts if we'd stepped out of line. I can throw in the kids dh grew up hanging around as well. My FIL thought nothing of dragging a child, or two, behind the barn and using a switch on them. We weren't the kids misbehaving. That would be the kids whose parents thought they were their friends or were just too busy to bother with them.
Corporal punishment has worked and worked well for hundreds of years. You can't argue with success.
Do you have anything to back that up, or are you going on purely anecdotal evidence?
I, for one, am not against the rare swat on the butt. I'd be lying if I said I've never spanked my kids. But to act like a lack of corporal punishment is THE reason kids are so "bad" today (which IMO, they really aren't any worse than kids from the past) is simply ignorant.
I think that whichever discipline methods you choose to use, it's more about consistency, showing a united front and increasing the positive experiences a kid has when they do the right thing. Showing them to respect adults that are cool, calm and collected is a good thing because after all, they are not going to be given corporal punishment as adults.
Being a parent has taught me to be a more well rounded parent(concerning correction/teaching/discipline).
No one thing will work for all children nor will one way work in all circumstances. I'm more tolerant of some "offenses" than others. Screaming whether in my house or in public would face a very stern and very firm consequence.
I am not sure what makes you think I have compliant children. Well my daughter might be. Every other child care provider my son ever had called him somewhere between strong willed and a trouble maker. Do you not think that parents can sometimes have an effective impact on how our children behave? If not, then what the hell is the point of discussing it?
I'm a bit confused by your posts. It sounds like you have read a lot of parenting books and put a lot of time effort and thought into discipline. That's great. It also sounds like you might be assuming that those who's children who are not quite as compliant (ie, have more frequent tantrums) have parents who have not put a lot of time energy and thought into discipline. That's not always true. I honestly don't know any children who have not had more then a few tantrums in their childhood. I don't believe that tantrums can be nipped in the bud after just one or two. I also don't understand how you can say that your discipline worked so well yet your child has been described as a strong willed troublemaker? I'm not picking on you, I'm just not following you at all.
I'm not talking about just me. I'm talking the entire group in my neighborhood who had parents who would have kicked our butts if we'd stepped out of line. I can throw in the kids dh grew up hanging around as well. My FIL thought nothing of dragging a child, or two, behind the barn and using a switch on them. We weren't the kids misbehaving. That would be the kids whose parents thought they were their friends or were just too busy to bother with them.
Corporal punishment has worked and worked well for hundreds of years. You can't argue with success.
I can argue with anecdotal evidence. Why were you all getting whipped if you weren't misbehaving?
As it concerns "immediate compliance" and dealing with the heart of the issue with children... IMO sometimes, maybe most times, there is a motive behind childrens acting out that must be addressed with a great measure of patience and long-bearing and understanding and reasoning, and communication yada, yada, yada.
Sometimes kids act out simply because they feel like it, want to and think it's a good idea at the moment. Depending on the misbehavior I have no problem responding accordingly and expecting you to "understand my point of view" clearly and immediately with not an iota of a concern that doing so may damage your self-esteen and confidence as a growing person.....really?!
Especially considering that lashing out in anger is the behavior you want stopped, I wouldn't do something that even remotely resembles lashing out in anger (such as spanking them). While it alone may not be enough to correct the behavior, it's always best to show by example the kind of behavior you want them to imitate.
Couple this with the plan of being consistent (Don't punish/correct the behavior sometimes and let it go at others) and never reward a tantrum.
Also, take note of how you are speaking when you discipline your child. Don't get loud or coarse with them unless it's necessary. Even disciplining a child doesn't always call for that.
BTW, time out is unique as a solution here. As people have come to agree, many times a child is lashing out for attention. When you put a child in time out, you are taking away from the attention they can possibly get. Though the act of picking them up and carrying them to time out = attention, they'll quickly realize they're getting far less attention in time out than outside. So far, our son calms down noticeably when we threaten him with a time out, so we rarely have to use it. I don't believe it's because "some kids are just more compliant", because our child seems to be a difficult temperamented child and there is little question of that.
Last but not least, make sure your child is getting plenty of attention when they are being good. I've always suspected that part of "the terrible twos" are a reaction to going from getting tons of attention as a baby to much less attention as a toddler.
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clearly and immediately with not an iota of a concern that doing so may damage your self-esteen and confidence as a growing person.....really?!
