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The Timeout Corner is the biggest fraud ever perpetrated on children in this country. Gutless, spineless parents are the most inventive people in the world. Anything to not actually have to discipline Little Jimmy. It's nauseating.
Yes. Disciplining your children is mandatory, otherwise they turn into society's nightmares.
These are the most depressing threads of any forum anywhere on the internet. The ignorance of equating spanking, punishment with discipline is just staggering to me.
I don't think that parents have to spank their children to beat them. I have seen people who are very intelligent and successful that were spanked. I also know some people who were spanked who are just broken down with a weak spirit. They are not too smart and very non-confrontational and not very successful as a result. How can you learn to be assertive when you are constantly in fear? I don't think anything is wrong with spanking your child or a child having a certain level of respect for their parents, but some people take things too far.
Throughout this discussion I am thinking the way the child turned out had more to do with the genetics than the spankings.
"They are not too smart and very non-confrontational and not very successful as a result." If this were the child, it was probably also the parent's nature thus the abuse was rather the frustrations of the parents than discipline.
Keep in mind that "words" can be even more damaging than the spankings. I have heard parents say the worst things to their children. Threaten to leave them in the stores, etc.
I spanked both kids until they were about 10 and very infrequently toward the later end. When the older one was 14, at that time I was taking his things away - bags and boxes loaded and drug to the basement until he could act "right", and he said one time "Couldn't you just spank me and get it over with?" No, I don't think so and sitting in the room with just a bed, dresser and alarm clock? So, terribly effective for a teen!
That makes about as much sense as saying that kids who were spanked grow up to accept domestic abuse because they don't understand that love does not include violence.
I spoke of what constitutes "punishment" these days. I've seen enough of it to know it is pretty common. I've heard the "go to your room" more times than I care to recall. Punishment has a different meaning to different people. I just think that sending a child to their room is not punishment.
I don't get your connection to spanking and domestic violence. Now that really doesn't make any sense.
People really need to sit down when it comes to advising people how to raise their children.
As a parent the state tells you that you MUST provide A, B and C for your child. If your children think you were to "authoritative" in their upbringing then at the end of the day when they are adults by definition and they are ready for the real world, they have all rights to terminate the relationship with their parents. And if they think their parents were BS, they should.
Oh BTW, with the "I've seen parents never lay a hand on their child and gotten the point across with just words" rhetoric. Well, that's good for those parents. They obviously have passive genetics and I am glad they were so fortunate to have a smooth experience.
Take my kids and get back to me. "Time Outs" didn't work from day 1...
Best post of thread! I think a lot of us had ideas about how we would discipline our kids before they were born. I was never gong to spank. It didn't work that way. There are times when a good spanking gets the discipline over and done with, whereas a talk or whatever just draws things out and sometimes you say stuff you wish you hadn't said in the first place. Time out has its place. Withdrawing priviledges has its place. There are many forms of discipline that have their place.
"Time out" and "go to your room" worked for one kid but not the other.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neuling
My mother was and is a very dear person, smiling a lot. So, when she got serious and stopped smiling, my brother and I knew there was a problem. No need for violence...
Well, your mom was lucky to have kids like you and your bro. One of my kids was a negotiator from day one. A simple request for her to hang up her coat could consume an hour or more. (Not that I spanked her for not hanging it up, but hopefully you get my drift here.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by crbcrbrgv
I've lived most of my life either in Texas or Illinois. In Texas, corporal punishment is much more common than Illinois.
Guess which state has a higher percentage of its population in prison?
Hint: (I bet you don't even need one).
Correlation does not equal causation. You can pick any factoid and make a comparison like that.
I had one friend whose parents did not believe in spanking or any physical discipline. He just died of a drug overdose at 48. He got into drugs at about 14. No idea whether it had anything to do with his parents philosophy. Another friend whose parents did spank got lightly into drugs (influenced by the now dead friend) and then got out. Really don't know.
My mom would spank us often. I used to stick a plate or a book inside my pants when I knew one was due. Then when she hurt her hand, I ran and hid in the woods. I am not sure how I turned out. I once had purple hair and wore a spiked collar and drank too much (and slam danced untl I looked like ground beef). Now I am an attorney (supposedly a really good one if there is such a thing), president of Kiwanis, active in my community and church and people tell me I am a great father. However I am still a little bit crazy - or so my kids tell me. Other people think that I am a little nutty too. Who knows. There are no bodies buried under my house and I do not take any drugs except caffeine.
As a kid, I was spanked. A lot. Why a lot? Because it didn't work well...meaning, the punishment did NOT fit the crime.
If a kid rides their bike in to the middle of the road without looking, heck ya, a good whollop teaches them that you mean business.
However, when spanking is used for every slight, it becomes meaningless to the kid. Sure it's painful but all the kid is learning is, as someone mentioned, resentment. It didn't make me respect my parents more, it made me resent them.
I'll tell you what REALLY worked on me.
One time when I was a kid, maybe about 10, I was allowed to spend the night a friend's house just down the alley. My mom was a teacher and during the summers she would go back to school herself to learn how to be an even better teacher, so she wasn't there during the summer. My dad worked M-F leaving the house by 6:30am.
Because my mom wasn't there, he was the one to follow. He allowed me to sleep over at my friend's house on ONE condition. That condition was that I returned home the next morning before he left for work. He would leave 1/2 hour later so I had to be home by 7am. (My friend's house was not even 100 meters away.)
Well. I did not return home by 7 am, I was having way too much fun and didn't want to leave.
Eventually I did get home because I knew I had to do chores before I could do anything else and I wanted those done before my dad got home.
I went up to my room and saw a letter, from my dad, on my desk. I picked it up and read it. It was a lengthy letter.
In this letter he told me how much he loved me, he told me all kinds of positive things, how proud he was that I did this, that or the other.
He then finished it off by telling me how deeply hurt and disappointed he was that I had not followed his one rule when granting me permission to spend the night at my friend's house. He laid that guilt on THICK.
He did such a good job of laying on the guilt that I broke down crying, I was SO. SORRY for having disappointed him.
That letter worked way better than any spanking I had ever received, ever. To this day, I can't remember half the reasons I got spanked but I will NEVER forget that letter, that is what an impact it had on me.
I agree with PullMyFinger...when a kid acts up like that in a store or park or public or whatever, instead of hauling them off and spanking them, just leave.
If they get bad grades or mouth off, take away privileges, (which includes TV, and computer/internet and phone). Follow through on that. If you tell them two weeks, MAKE IT BE two weeks even IF they are on their best behavior.
Spanking works for the big "crimes" but not at every little thing. And yes, when you do find you have to spank them, you make damn sure you follow it up with WHY you did and you hug them to let them know they are still loved.
Time Out Corner or not following through doesn't work. Spanking constantly doesn't always work. Find a balance.
I think this entire time out stuff is a waste of time. When kids are really little, a swat on the bottom is what really works. AS they get older, yes, the reasoning or the lay the guilt might be better, grounding gets the point across as well.
People really need to sit down when it comes to advising people how to raise their children.
But this needs to cut both ways: for those who choose to spank and those who choose to use other forms of discipline. I'm not going to tell you (the general you) not to spank your child. I will tell you why I don't spank mine, if you want to know. For us, behavioral interventions work. And trust me, passivity ain't a quality that anyone in my house has! But I don't like that time-outs and behavioral interventions are sometimes treated like the downfall of Western Civilization by those who chose to spank their own kids.
Last edited by eastwesteastagain; 04-17-2012 at 01:45 PM..
, at that time I was taking his things away - bags and boxes loaded and drug to the basement until he could act "right", and he said one time "Couldn't you just spank me and get it over with?" No, I don't think so and sitting in the room with just a bed, dresser and alarm clock? So, terribly effective for a teen!
We did this with our girls at about 11-13. I forget the age. They were too old for spanking to have any real meaning. They would not clean their room, were disreptectful to mom, and refused to follow rules. It was a testing period. We simply took everything out of their room. All the furniture, clothing, toys, the light bulb, even removed the door. They had to earn each thing back. By the first evening, they had earned a pair of clean underwear and a pillow each. Slowly they got it all back, but when the bad behaviour came back something went away. It was not long before all their stuff was back and all the bad behaviour was gone. It stayed away.
I think this entire time out stuff is a waste of time. When kids are really little, a swat on the bottom is what really works. AS they get older, yes, the reasoning or the lay the guilt might be better, grounding gets the point across as well.
Nita
I am 49 but I cannot go visit my parents because I am still grounded. It never worked with me. I waited until they went to sleep, climbed out my window and down a tree, and dug up one of the many sets of car keys I had buried in the yard. When I got home, more time was added to my sentence. I think I still have 25 years to go.
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But I don't like that time-outs and behavioral interventions are sometimes treated like the downfall of Western Civilization by those who chose to spank their own kids.