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Old 09-25-2006, 08:37 PM
 
Location: Springfield, Missouri
2,814 posts, read 11,893,647 times
Reputation: 2000001281

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Thank you Pixie Yeah, I turned out pretty ok! I was fortunate in that that one night, though I was shocked, after the numbness wore off, I immediately recognized that my dad's treatment of me was his way of compensating for his own wild insecurities and self-hatred. I understood it almost instantly, it just took about a year for me to adjust more than intellectually. However, I cut him out of my life and I haven't seen him since 1985, last time talking to him he tried to manipulate me concerning a family issue and told me if I didn't do as he asked he wouldn't speak with me any more. I used that opportunity at age 22 to take him up on his offer! I have no love for the man, not even a little bit, and it's not a case of "poor you, you're so injured", it's a case of..the man is whacked and I don't need this **** in my life. My sister tried to reach out to him years later and got badly burned. She's always tried to "understand". Now she cut him off even harder than I did. But you're right, my mom is freakin' awesome . The fact is, you, (you), and me, and anyone else can rise above this kind of experience. There is no room over time to blame your parents. There comes a time when your intellectual self has to guide you through the emotion and make you realize you have to stand for yourself. It's wonderful if you get love and support from others, but ultimately you have to make that decision to go forward, refuse to be damaged, and accept and give love from and to others.
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Old 09-27-2006, 03:40 AM
 
12 posts, read 60,848 times
Reputation: 29
it's so comforting to know it's not just mine. FYI - duct tape & dark closet leave no marks.
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Old 09-28-2006, 08:46 AM
 
Location: Central Jersey - Florida
3,314 posts, read 12,257,802 times
Reputation: 2094
The problem with teenagers is that youth is wasted upon them!
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Old 09-28-2006, 09:43 AM
 
1,104 posts, read 3,058,533 times
Reputation: 571
I like that, exhdo1!!!!
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Old 06-23-2007, 10:41 PM
 
1 posts, read 1,458 times
Reputation: 10
Default 16yr Old Is Walking All Over Us

What Is Wrong With Teenagers Today?
Question To All Parents:

Does The Police Have The Right To Tell My 16yr Old That He Can Kick Down My Front Door If He Cannot Gain Access Into The House?

Really?
I'm A Stay At Home Mom
I Conduct My Business At Home, So I Am Home 95% Of The Time, The Other 5% Is For Running Errand, Banking, Post Office And Grocery Shopping
We Provide A Loving, Caring Environment For Him. We Are Involved In Every Aspect Of His Life/school. And Although He Doesn't Believe He Has To Tell Us Where He Is Going We Insisit On The Parents Of His Friends To Let Us Know If He Is There Visiting. We Keep A Normal Curfew, He Feels He Should Stay Out Til 1am Like His Friends Do.
Currently He Is Failing Or Has Dropped To A D In School. He Feels That A 'd' Is Ok Because He Still Passing
We Have Not Given Him A Set Of Keyes To The House Because We Feel We Cannot Trust Him To Be Home Alone. Being That Said, It Is Because Of The Harm He Can Bring To Himself Or To Our Home.
Not To Long Ago He Set Fire To A Basket Filled With Lint From The Lint Trap In Our Laundry Room And Almost Started A Fire In There Which Is Adjacent To Our Boiler Room/ac Unit. He Proceeded To Try To Put It Out To No Avail And Dumped It Onto A Bin Filled With Chemicals (definitely Flammable And Removed Because Of Such Situation) And Then The Alarm Started To Go Off And He Broke The Smoke Detector And Nevr Told Me Until I Began To Smell Something Burning. When I Asked What He Was Doing "ah Nothing,...oh I Broke The Smoke Detector By Accident" ..."oh By The Way Some Lint Caught Fire And I Kinda Almost Had A Fire In Th Laundry Room" And Walks Away Like Nothing Happened.
And Keep In Mind That If I Am Not Home, My Neighbor Next Door Is There For Incase There Is An Emergency; Like If He Needs To Go Somewhere Or Needs Shelter. This Is A Very Family Oriented/church Goers And Very Close To Us As Friends. So As Far As Him Having A Place To Go, Well He Does, But Refuses To Go There Because He Doesn't Like Them. So He Said To The Police.
The Police Said I Have To Be There At My House Always And If Not He Needs A Key Or To Let In By Someone When I'm Not Home
Really.?
My Husband And I Are Besides Ourselves With All That The Police Has Granted Him To Do. One Of The Subjects That The Police Also Underminded Us About Is The Supplements Our Son Continues To Take, Behind Our Backs,to Enhance His Muscles (which His Pediatrician Had Warned No Supplements Or Steriods) Regardless Of Our Demands To Not Take Them. The Police Said That He Could.

It Was A Day We Do Not Want To Experience Again But Now The Child Feels He Can Do What Ever He Wants.
I Am Seeking Help With The Department Of Child Protective Services And The Crisis Center Already And I Was Told To Report/file A Formal Complaint On The Police Officers Involved At The Police Station
My Husband And I Believe We Should Not Be Challenged By The Law When It Comes To Raising Our Son
It Is Hard Enough Raising A Teenager
Let Alone The Challenge Of Dealing With Such A Difficult Teenager

We Were Also Advised To Bring Him In For Evaluation And Family Counseling Which We Look Forward To.
I Do Not Wish This On Anyone Else
We Do Not Believe In Physical Discipline, We Do Believe In Grounding And Taking Away Priviledges. But Now Doesn't Seem To Be Working
Whats Wrong With Teenagers?
Well I Read The Quote On "its The Parents Fault"
I Am Doing Everything I Could To Raise A Normal Teenager
We Just Need A Little More Help
Any Advise?????????????????
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Old 06-24-2007, 02:06 AM
 
3,774 posts, read 9,896,253 times
Reputation: 1834
My kids have been raised to know that when they turn 16, they get a job. Half of the money goes into their bank account that I check every payday. The other half gets split into money for necessities (shoes, new glasses, fuel and car insurance) and what's left over is for them.

Dad is a soft touch up until then. After that, it's hammer time.

My oldest 2 boys have jobs (one 22, one 17), and the youngest came to me the other day asking if he could work at McD's (they will allow him to work at 14!). I was so proud.

My only problem is the 14 yo is into everything (band, chorus, wrestling, track, soccer - the list is endless) and I have to drive him everywhere.
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Old 06-24-2007, 06:53 PM
 
Location: NH
641 posts, read 2,113,757 times
Reputation: 368
i was a well behaved teenager....until i turned 18
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Old 06-25-2007, 07:34 PM
 
Location: California
885 posts, read 262,515 times
Reputation: 383
I have 4 children 3 girls 1 boys ages 21,19,17, and my son is 14. I hope some of what we went thru and how we handled it will help. My first daughter perfect, just maybe a little sassy when going thru puberty it started about when she was 13 years old didn't really have too much trouble with her. Now daughter #2 WOW! She started to act up about 15, she started ditching school, we moved, we thought that her going to a new school would be different, UH NO! ditching started again, drinking , snicking out of the house, coming home stoned, fist fights with her other sisters, started dating some punk, he would tell her "your parents are too strict, there mean to you " he would come to our house stoned. my house was like the "wild, wild, west" We went to court because she would just walk off campus or run and hop over fences she was picked up by the police she had NO FEAR of authority. We were given the choice to put her in a continuation school or at home studies. We were going to do the school thing because we didn't want her to have the run of house with us at work,but when we were walking up to the school some kids were under a tree smoking pot. Putting her in home studies was the beginning of a slow down. Of course, she couldn't ditch school, sorry this is so long let me make it short ] [b]what we did [/B we took her bedroom door off,bought some home drug testing kits, put her on restriction, her dad would get in her face confront her as soon as she got in the door( never anything physical ) put a alarm system in the house on the windows (she did not know the code), tried countless times to talk to her, put her in therapy, tried to reward her good behavior. What worked or we saw some improvement first home studies actually worked she worked on her own (no authority) turned in her work once a week to the school. She graduated, we saw no improvement with the door off, home drug testing (she could care less if we knew), restriction and the alarms didn't really help her behavior but, I was able to sleep thru the night (it was worth it)her dad confronting her actually as soon as she walked in the door actually did some good she would start out yelling at us ,than we would cry then we would talk ,things would settle down for weeks after these but it was more of a bandage not a fix, rewards never worked cuz she never asked for anything or said she didn't need anything, therapy didn't work she would go in there and act like she had this beautiful life. The therapist told her she needed to go to AA and her boyfriend needed help, but she did not need therapy. the biggest change came when she moved out with her boyfriend at 18 she had nobody telling her what to do, she was completely responsible for herself food ,clothes, shelter. fast forward to the present where is she now she has a full time job at a Dr. office, makes more money than most people her age, is taking one class at college left her boyfriend and this weekend she is moving back home that's our whole family back together again. please write me if you have any questions. There is alot more to this story. Good luck!! p.s. I spent many nights on my knees in prayer..
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Old 06-26-2007, 09:22 AM
 
Location: Oxygen Ln. AZ
9,321 posts, read 16,133,484 times
Reputation: 5685
Whew, reading this brought back some memories of our oldest daughter (now 28). We moved them from S.Ca to N. Calif when they were going into high school (bad timing) and she picked the worst kids to make friends with. She ran away one evening and that was the worst and longest night of my life.
We did not know what to do, she was not responding to anything. My husband decided to book a flight to Arizona, Bullhead city to be exact and took her on a road trip across the desert, picking the ugliest spots he could find. He called from Bullhead city and said "yes, this is where we will move". She started crying and obviously loved the pines over the sand. When they returned, she dumped her friends, got straight A's and graduated from Chico State. It is a tough road raising them and we have one 18 year old son at home still. He is a character, picks good friends, works but keeps munching up our cars. So he can't drive so good.
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Old 06-26-2007, 12:16 PM
 
Location: Az.
1,198 posts, read 1,168,587 times
Reputation: 345
The problem I have with teenagers is that I can't tell if they are teens or adults.

They dress just like 30 year old women these days (teenage girls)!!! SHEEESH!!!
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