My children not accepting new family? (single parent, boy, get married, husband)

[steelstress]

OP... show your girlfriend this thread. Then report back to us with her reaction.

[reebo]

As I advised last time, have a talk with your oldest daughter and tell her to knock it off - that her actions and words are hurtful . . .I don't think you see that. She has to accept the other little girl - she actually has all of the power in the family at this point . . .and it's not healthy.

Oh, for goodness sake. She's four years old! And now her father has moved in with his gf and the gf's daughter gets to be with the OP all the time. The OP's daughter rightfully feels she has been supplanted by the GF's daughter. The problem isn't with the children, it's with the adults.

I agree with the other posters who tell the OP to move out and start again. How can he expect his children to take this realtionship seriously if their father isn't? OP, your primary job is to be there for your daughters. Everything else, including your love life should be a distant second.

[MaseMan]

I agree with others. How can you not expect the kids to be having issues when you've created this weird pretend family situation? Either get married soon, or move out. You can't have it both ways with kids involved.

[jhanson7183]

Originally Posted by MaseMan

I agree with others. How can you not expect the kids to be having issues when you've created this weird pretend family situation? Either get married soon, or move out. You can't have it both ways with kids involved.

so most of the people here say "its not ok for her to call you dad and tell her to stop" now i have someone saying that im wrong for not wanting her too... so which is it?

and as for getting married, what does that change? it now makes us legally bound to eachother, thats it. Were already doing the living together part, so i just dont see how getting married will magically change the mindset of children as young as 2, 4 and 5... do you really think they understand that concept?

[jhanson7183]

Originally Posted by reebo

Oh, for goodness sake. She's four years old! And now her father has moved in with his gf and the gf's daughter gets to be with the OP all the time. The OP's daughter rightfully feels she has been supplanted by the GF's daughter. The problem isn't with the children, it's with the adults.

I agree with the other posters who tell the OP to move out and start again. How can he expect his children to take this realtionship seriously if their father isn't? OP, your primary job is to be there for your daughters. Everything else, including your love life should be a distant second.

wait, i had you up until "their father isnt"

what do you mean im not taking this relationship seriously? is that because were not married yet? i consider this a very serious relationship so i just dont know what you mean

[forum_browser]

Marriage means your intent is for the relationship to be permanent. If you aren't ready to marry, you aren't ready for a permanent commitment. And you shouldn't want children to consider possibly temporary companions family, even if it placates your girlfriend and makes your life more convenient.

[reebo]

Originally Posted by jhanson7183

wait, i had you up until "their father isnt"

what do you mean im not taking this relationship seriously? is that because were not married yet? i consider this a very serious relationship so i just dont know what you mean

I don't consider living together taking a relationship seriously when there are minor children involved. You're asking your very young daughters to embrace this new situation as though it will last forever.

It also seems you didn't put a lot of thought into how this arrangement was going to impact your daughters, or your girlfriend's daughter. Blending families isn't easy and it seems even your girlfriend and you aren't on the same page as far as expectations about the new relationships go. I don't think either you or your girlfriend are acting maliciously, but your girlfriend doesn't seem to care how her daughter calling you daddy is distressing your children. Also, you don't seem to be able to stand up to your girlfriend and work with her to find another name for her daughter to call you. I think the cart got way ahead of the horse here.

[gimme it]

I know some people are telling you to get married, but it sounds to me that you and your girlfriend need to work out some things before getting married. I don't think marriage will solve all of your issues. At this point and time, you and your gf will benefit from couples counseling before doing anything else. This can be resolved, but you need some help.

[redvelvet709]

Originally Posted by Pitt Chick

Your kids are right. You are not legally married. So the girlfriend is not mom and the girlfriend's daughter is not their sister (not even stepsister).

Exactly. If they see that kind of example, how are they to truly respect these adults? Living together does not a true commitment make.

[redvelvet709]

Originally Posted by Dollydo

Lots to be worked out when blending two families..what's the rush to get married? The kids are still reeling from the last relationship mistake, why jump into another...only adds more confusion to their life.

Oh God, you are so backwards. Kids need to see that marriage is the model, not all this shacking up and halway-commitment. They are not stupid. It is precisely this attitude that is the problem anymore with the sanctity of marriage and the "I have an out" mentality.