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Do you realize if you dont trust your child and loosen the leash just a bit that the kid is just going to lie and do it anyway? Yeah sometimes you catch them alot of times you dont and what type of relationship is that?
If she's really that good of a kid, I say let her go. This poor boy sounds like he has been through HELL, and what better way to show is actually IS cared about than an "all-night" bonfire party with all his friends there?
If you're that worried, drive by there occasionally, and make sure to get the brother's cell number, and call often.
If she's really that good of a kid, I say let her go. This poor boy sounds like he has been through HELL, and what better way to show is actually IS cared about than an "all-night" bonfire party with all his friends there?
If you're that worried, drive by there occasionally, and make sure to get the brother's cell number, and call often.
Yeah...I need to relax here. She is a great kid. They all are. This group is either here (eating me out of house and home), hanging out at the park or over at his house either playing pool or sitting around the camp fire.
Now for the other part of my delemma. The girls who plan on lying to their parents to go. I told dd to tell them not to do it. A compromise is a really late bon fire....that may go into the next morning ...followed by a sleep over at our house. Do I tell their parents if they decide to lie to them??? Dd will not be happy with me if I do and she told me in confidence. I'm thinking their parents will say no. One girl never goes home except to sleep. Dd tells me her home life is miserable. The other has a mom who is convinced that the reason she goes to the park every day is to smoke weed . I'm thinking bon fire and sleep over at my house....the question will be what time I pick them up from the bon fire.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 04-28-2012 at 03:38 AM..
Why do some people think that only "bad" teens have sex and experiment with drugs/pot? Why do some people think that only "bad" teens end up parents before graduating from high school? Why do some people think that only "bad" kids make "bad" choices?
"Good" teens do all the above, too. It is a parent's JOB to help protect their minor children from having the opportunity to make really bad choices.
Yeah...I need to relax here. She is a great kid. They all are. This group is either here (eating me out of house and home), hanging out at the park or over at his house either playing pool or sitting around the camp fire.
Now for the other part of my delemma. The girls who plan on lying to their parents to go. I told dd to tell them not to do it. A compromise is a really late bon fire....that may go into the next morning ...followed by a sleep over at our house. Do I tell their parents if they decide to lie to them??? Dd will not be happy with me if I do and she told me in confidence. I'm thinking their parents will say no. One girl never goes home except to sleep. Dd tells me her home life is miserable. The other has a mom who is convinced that the reason she goes to the park every day is to smoke weed . I'm thinking bon fire and sleep over at my house....the question will be what time I pick them up from the bon fire.
Well, first of we'd smell it....And she doesn't. Her mom just doesn't understand her desire to hang out at the park with her friends. I've checked up on them enough to know they are not smoking weed. There are two parks. One is right across the street from my house. The other is so wide open and so frequented, no one could smoke anything and not get caught.
When I check up on them (I do like to know dd is still alive now and again), they're sitting on top of the monkey bars discussing the meaning of life, the universe and everything. When I see them at the other park, they're sitting at a bench close to the street. Trust me, no one is going to the park and smoking weed here. For some reason I don't get, this mom thinks the worst of her daughter. I don't blame the girl for preferring to hang out here or at the park than her own home.
I had a mom like hers BTW. My mom was convinced I was doing drugs and having sex (really hard to do when you don't even have a boyfriend ). She went to her grave thinking the worst of me as a teen. Less than a week before she died, she tried, once again, to get me to confess to all the things she thought I did as a teenager. The worst thing I ever did was have a group of friends over when I was baby sitting across the street after the kids went to bed and smoke cigarettes (I grew up with both of my parents smoking and during a time when it was glamorized on TV and I could walk to the store and buy my own cigarettes with no one batting an eye).
The groups she "runs" with? wow. Children who are 14 need to be home not "running" with anyone. How do people expect children to learn how to be adults when they are never home to be taught? When I was 14 I had chores, homework, housework, etc. and when I wasn't doing that I was enjoying worthwhile hobbies, or reading. I didn't "run" with anyone until I was 18 years old and on my own. Of course, by then I was working full time at one job and part time at another and going to community college, so I didn't have a lot of time to waste.
When you don't supervise your children, things like this happen. Worth thinking about.
I am confused. Do you really think that young teenagers should never go out without adults present? I think that 13-15 year olds should certainly have some time in their life when they get to be kids and have fun without their parents supervising every second.
I am not sure if I would allow my sons (13/15) to attend an all night party with a bonfire regardless of whether it was mixed gender. Some folks seem to be obsessed with a girl getting pregnant but I don't think that is really the biggest issue. A teen that wants to have sex can have sex whether they are out all night or not. My 18 year old son can do as he likes on the weekends as long as he keeps me informed of where he will be and what he is doing. He likes his sleep so he has never stayed at an all night party. On Prom night he was home by 3AM because "Mom-I gotta get some sleep."
For me the issue is that when teens are unsupervised late at night they tend to be oblivious to the rest of the world and they make much more noise than the rest of the world would like. In my area (urban/suburban) when kids have an all night party it nearly always ends with the police showing up to break it up. I don't want my son to be one of those kids that are known to the police for being in trouble all the time. That is the bigger issue for me.
Perhaps the OP could allow the kids to do their thing at her house so that she can keep an eye on the noise issue. Most of my kids friends are good kids and I wouldn't worry that much about them doing really bad things but kids do tend to be oblivious about noise.
Like others I try to say yes as much as I can. That doesn't mean I never say no, just that I try to accommodate reasonable requests from my kids. That's why I suggest that the OP try to help her daughter have the party in a different way than originally planned. I doubt that the need to be supervised in the sense that they will be drinking heavily or having an orgy but that they may not be able to contain the noise. The OP can help with that.
I am confused. Do you really think that young teenagers should never go out without adults present? I think that 13-15 year olds should certainly have some time in their life when they get to be kids and have fun without their parents supervising every second.
I am not sure if I would allow my sons (13/15) to attend an all night party with a bonfire regardless of whether it was mixed gender. Some folks seem to be obsessed with a girl getting pregnant but I don't think that is really the biggest issue. A teen that wants to have sex can have sex whether they are out all night or not. My 18 year old son can do as he likes on the weekends as long as he keeps me informed of where he will be and what he is doing. He likes his sleep so he has never stayed at an all night party. On Prom night he was home by 3AM because "Mom-I gotta get some sleep."
For me the issue is that when teens are unsupervised late at night they tend to be oblivious to the rest of the world and they make much more noise than the rest of the world would like. In my area (urban/suburban) when kids have an all night party it nearly always ends with the police showing up to break it up. I don't want my son to be one of those kids that are known to the police for being in trouble all the time. That is the bigger issue for me.
Perhaps the OP could allow the kids to do their thing at her house so that she can keep an eye on the noise issue. Most of my kids friends are good kids and I wouldn't worry that much about them doing really bad things but kids do tend to be oblivious about noise.
Like others I try to say yes as much as I can. That doesn't mean I never say no, just that I try to accommodate reasonable requests from my kids. That's why I suggest that the OP try to help her daughter have the party in a different way than originally planned. I doubt that the need to be supervised in the sense that they will be drinking heavily or having an orgy but that they may not be able to contain the noise. The OP can help with that.
It all depends on the group. When me and my friends and my brother all sat out in my backyard ALL NIGHT around our fire pit, the police never showed up and none of the neighbors yelled at us or even knew we were out there. There was like 4-6 of us out there too. We just sat and talked and ate with no issues at all. So it all depends on the group and it sounds like this group of kids is pretty respectful.
I have one of those kids I could trust doing something like this so I understand your dilemma. I would not be comfortable either even though I can trust my DD. I probably would've suggested the compromise also, maybe picking her up at 1 or 2am instead of the all night thing. You want to reward them for being trust worthy but I would be a little worried that they would do something "big" to memorialize the last night of them all being together. Not necessarily bad but also something that they wouldn't ordinarily do. That's what would be going through my thoughts anyway. I also would not be comfortable knowing the other girls are lying to their parents, to me that doesn't make them very good "good" kids, ya know what I mean?
I have a 12 year old daughter that is a really good kid as well. She heard me reading this to my wife and said "I wouldn't even ask to go". Not because we would not let her, but because she recognizes it as not being appropriate.
I honestly don't think the issue is about what might happen. The issue is about setting up boundaries about appropriate situations. At this sleepover, nothing may happen. But if sleepovers are allowed at 14, what is allowed at 16? It's more the concept than the actual event.
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We are actually in agreement about something
...followed by a sleep over at our house. Do I tell their parents if they decide to lie to them??? Dd will not be happy with me if I do and she told me in confidence. I'm thinking their parents will say no. One girl never goes home except to sleep. Dd tells me her home life is miserable. The other has a mom who is convinced that the reason she goes to the park every day is to smoke weed 
). She went to her grave thinking the worst of me as a teen. Less than a week before she died, she tried, once again, to get me to confess to all the things she thought I did as a teenager. The worst thing I ever did was have a group of friends over when I was baby sitting across the street after the kids went to bed and smoke cigarettes (I grew up with both of my parents smoking and during a time when it was glamorized on TV and I could walk to the store and buy my own cigarettes with no one batting an eye).
