Boy-Girl all night parties (teenager, children, 12 year old, boyfriend)

[CyberCity]

Originally Posted by Ivorytickler

I need advice from the sages....My dd wants to go to an all night boy-girl party at one of the boy's house. .

Sure, hanging with the boys until dawn, heck, why worry, what's the worse that could happen Grandma Ivorytickler?

[hypocore]

Originally Posted by Ivorytickler

It's more like sitting around the camp fire until the wee hours of the morning when you're camping than a party that they want. Their thing to do, on the weekends, is to sit around the fire pit until the girls have to go home. The boys sometimes stay the night and stay up all night doing this and playing games. The girls think they're missing out.

Which in theory sounds innocent enough. However, it's only innocent until someone decides to be not so innocent.

The great kid with great grades and who was very trustworthy that lived behind me not only held "let's hyperventilate until we pass out" parties, she ended up pregnant at 16.

The great kid with great grades who was very trustworthy and also a great role model within our church not only ended up pregnant at 16 but was pregnant by an abusive teen.

The great (blah blah) kids in 6th grade were having kissing contests, playing strip poker and spin the bottle and by 14 were smoking, trying out drugs and alcohol. All while at a home where parents were inside while they camped in the back yard.

Even if 14 yr olds are having an innocent sleepover/stay up all night, then where do they go next? Ok, been there done that so next time let's...?

I prefer to delay that progression.....

[lucknow]

I said the same thing to all 8 of my kids when thery were that age.

"Nothing good happens after midnight".

[Lucidkitty]

Originally Posted by hypocore

Which in theory sounds innocent enough. However, it's only innocent until someone decides to be not so innocent.

The great kid with great grades and who was very trustworthy that lived behind me not only held "let's hyperventilate until we pass out" parties, she ended up pregnant at 16.

The great kid with great grades who was very trustworthy and also a great role model within our church not only ended up pregnant at 16 but was pregnant by an abusive teen.

The great (blah blah) kids in 6th grade were having kissing contests, playing strip poker and spin the bottle and by 14 were smoking, trying out drugs and alcohol. All while at a home where parents were inside while they camped in the back yard.

Even if 14 yr olds are having an innocent sleepover/stay up all night, then where do they go next? Ok, been there done that so next time let's...?

I prefer to delay that progression.....

You are assuming those kids did not have problems you didn't know about either . Kids like that are going to do what you say anyway because they have issues with maturity,self respect, and addiction problems. You think someone needs to be invited to a all night backyard party to do those ? I mean my sister knew a girl like that in school too, and her parents were far from permissive. But every sunday after singing in the church choir, and leading youthgroup, she would get together with some friends and snort coke. Someone like that will have issues like that regardless if you let them at a party at 14 years old or not. I'd also like to know the areas all you grew up in. Because i sure don't remember wild strip parties, with booze,drugs, and sex when i was 14.

[Lucidkitty]

Originally Posted by CyberCity

Sure, hanging with the boys until dawn, heck, why worry, what's the worse that could happen Grandma Ivorytickler?

How many 14 year olds do you think actually have sex? And why do you think that they would magically decide to do it because they get an extra couple hours to hang out . I can see the scene now "god i'm bored, you know what we should do? Have Sex!!!".

[hypocore]

Originally Posted by Lucidkitty

You are assuming those kids did not have problems you didn't know about either . Kids like that are going to do what you say anyway because they have issues with maturity,self respect, and addiction problems. You think someone needs to be invited to a all night backyard party to do those ? I mean my sister knew a girl like that in school too, and her parents were far from permissive. But every sunday after singing in the church choir, and leading youthgroup, she would get together with some friends and snort coke. Someone like that will have issues like that regardless if you let them at a party at 14 years old or not. I'd also like to know the areas all you grew up in. Because i sure don't remember wild strip parties, with booze,drugs, and sex when i was 14.

Which is exactly my point....they present as trustworthy great kids with great grades, but that doesn't always match their actions when presented with the opportunity to choose otherwise. So, while you may implicitly trust your own child, you should not give blanket trust to others.

I grew up in the cities bordering Fort Worth, which is half of one of the largest metroplex areas there is. Still live in the area. We've got it all around here....from the worst to the best, and often within one city. Why do you ask?

[OhioChic]

I havent read all the posts but by the way you make your daughter out it sounds as though she is to be trusted.

Think of it this way...she came to you and was honest and if you show her that she cant be trusted then next time do you think shes going to tell you the truth?

I would first try with the 1 or 2am deal and if that doesnt go well I would allow it but tell her that you will be coming over at some random time to make sure she is where shes supposed to be even if you dont go it will keep her on her toes.

[Lucidkitty]

Originally Posted by hypocore

Which in theory sounds innocent enough. However, it's only innocent until someone decides to be not so innocent.

The great kid with great grades and who was very trustworthy that lived behind me not only held "let's hyperventilate until we pass out" parties, she ended up pregnant at 16.

The great kid with great grades who was very trustworthy and also a great role model within our church not only ended up pregnant at 16 but was pregnant by an abusive teen.

The great (blah blah) kids in 6th grade were having kissing contests, playing strip poker and spin the bottle and by 14 were smoking, trying out drugs and alcohol. All while at a home where parents were inside while they camped in the back yard.

Even if 14 yr olds are having an innocent sleepover/stay up all night, then where do they go next? Ok, been there done that so next time let's...?

I prefer to delay that progression.....

Except a parent knows their kid better then a friend/acquaintance knows them. These kids might not have been as good as you think it was simply the public image. That's far easier to show outside your own family then it is to your parents. The point is they did the stuff at 16, so they would have done it at 14 too, and probably at 18, and at 20.

[hueyeats]

If she were my DD, she would understand to not even ask me about a co-ed sleep over.
She is a great kid too and I do trust her.

My point is I don't trust anyone else BUT her...
So, for me to create any chance to put my DD in any "possible" situation is a no-go for me.
I rather be safe than sorry... just my take on it.

P.S. Its not at 16-18 when the kids gets pregnant... at 14 it is possible to still get pregnant.

[Lucidkitty]

Originally Posted by hueyeats

If she were my DD, she would understand to not even ask me about a co-ed sleep over.
She is a great kid too and I do trust her.

My point is I don't trust anyone else BUT her...
So, for me to create any chance to put my DD in any "possible" situation is a no-go for me.
I rather be safe than sorry... just my take on it.

P.S. Its not at 16-18 when the kids gets pregnant... at 14 it is possible to still get pregnant.

And you think kids don't get pregnant outside of parties ? It's not that at 14 they don't, it's just at 14 very few teens have sex. It does happen yes, but it is the exception by far.