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Old 04-26-2012, 05:04 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,713,317 times
Reputation: 14499

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I need advice from the sages....My dd wants to go to an all night boy-girl party at one of the boy's house. She's a great kid. I trust her. The group she runs with is great (3 boys and 3 girls who are not boyfriend-girlfriend just good friends). I trust them too. However, I'm just not comfortable with a 14 yo going to such a party.

As I said. Dd is a great kid. She asked me about the party when her girlfriends plan to lie to their parents to go. I do trust her but I'm just not comforatable with her being out all night. This group hangs out either here or at one of the boy's houses (the one who wants to host this party). It's not unusual for them to have pit fires in his backyard and for me to go pick dd up at 11:00 at night. This boy will be moving in two weeks and they want to have an all night party before he goes. She says that she hates that the girls have to go home but the boys get to stay up until 3:00 around the fire.

I'm trying to come up with alternatives here. This boy lives with his brother because his mother is a basket case but she's making him move back in with her (I really feel for this kid. Mom jumps from boyfriend to boyfriend and he gets dumped somewhere every time mom's boyfriend doesn't like him. It's a miracle he's a decent kid.)

In dd's favor are: 1) She's a great kid. She talks to me about everything. 2) she told me about the party (evidence she's honest. 3) As she puts it "If we don't do anything between 8:00 and 11:00 (typical times for them to be over there), what makes you think we would at 3:00 A.M. 4) I can see the attraction of just staying up all night around the camp fire as a send off for this boy.

The kids in question are all 13-15 and have hung out together for years. I don't want to tell dd no but I'm just not comfortable with a 14 yo girl being out all night at a party. I'm trying to come up with alternatives, like a lock in at a zap zone or a bowling alley. Maybe I'm just bugged at the idea that my BABY wants to stay out all night at a party. I really do trust her and her friends (though I told her to talk to the girls about lying to their parents). I suggested that we compromise and have the girls stay the night here with the understanding that they'd go to the boys house and be able to stay out around the camp fire until 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning. I'm hoping she goes for that. I'm not sure how the other parents will feel. The boys brother (adult) will be home.

Last edited by Ivorytickler; 04-26-2012 at 05:12 PM..
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Old 04-26-2012, 05:11 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,141 posts, read 22,118,386 times
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What exactly does a 14 yr old need to be doing that requires an all night coed sleepover?
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Old 04-26-2012, 05:12 PM
 
Location: North America
14,212 posts, read 9,619,135 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
I need advice from the sages....My dd wants to go to an all night boy-girl party at one of the boy's house. She's a great kid. I trust her. The group she runs with is great (3 boys and 3 girls who are not boyfriend-girlfriend just good friends). I trust them too. However, I'm just not comfortable with a 14 yo going to such a party.

As I said. Dd is a great kid. She asked me about the party when her girlfriends plan to lie to their parents to go. I do trust her but I'm just not comforatable with her being out all night. This group hangs out either here or at one of the boy's houses (the one who wants to host this party). It's not unusual for them to have pit fires in his backyard and for me to go pick dd up at 11:00 at night. This boy will be moving in two weeks and they want to have an all night party before he goes. She says that she hates that the girls have to go home but the boys get to stay up until 3:00 around the fire.

I'm trying to come up with alternatives here. This boy lives with his brother because his mother is a basket case but she's making him move back in with her (I really feel for this kid. Mom jumps from boyfriend to boyfriend and he gets dumped somewhere every time mom's boyfriend doesn't like him. It's a miracle he's a decent kid.)

In dd's favor are: 1) She's a great kid. She talks to me about everything. 2) she told me about the party (evidence she's honest. 3) As she puts it "If we don't do anything between 8:00 and 11:00 (typical times for them to be over there), what makes you think we would at 3:00 A.M. 4) I can see the attraction of just staying up all night around the camp fire as a send off for this boy.

The kids in question are all 13-15 and have hung out together for years.
She makes a good point with the 3rd one one to be honest.
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Old 04-26-2012, 05:13 PM
 
Location: North America
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
What exactly does a 14 yr old need to be doing that requires an all night coed sleepover?
I don't think it's a sleepover more a party that is lasting past 11. From my experience co ed sleepovers are dull affairs anyway.
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Old 04-26-2012, 05:13 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,713,317 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
What exactly does a 14 yr old need to be doing that requires an all night coed sleepover?
What they want to do is stay up all night talking and playing games and with this group, I believe that's exactly what they'd do. They just think it would be fun to pull an all nighter.
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Old 04-26-2012, 05:26 PM
 
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Nope, not at that age. I did allow my sons to attend them as HS seniors, for better or worse, I thought they would handle themselves appropriately (they did).

The fact that some of the kids are lying to their parents in order to attend is a huge red flag to me. Why hasn't anybody called the parents of the host to see what type of supervision will be provided?

I would be more open to extending the curfew and picking her up at 1:00.
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Old 04-26-2012, 05:34 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,141 posts, read 22,118,386 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Nope, not at that age. I did allow my sons to attend them as HS seniors, for better or worse, I thought they would handle themselves appropriately (they did).

The fact that some of the kids are lying to their parents in order to attend is a huge red flag to me. Why hasn't anybody called the parents of the host to see what type of supervision will be provided?

I would be more open to extending the curfew and picking her up at 1:00.

I agree..
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Old 04-26-2012, 05:42 PM
 
2,252 posts, read 4,313,850 times
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As a stranger, I read the OP and thought they might sneak beers, or perhaps there'd be some making out going on if the boy leaving likes one of the girls, he might say so at this party. Since the boy is leaving, maybe they'll get a little rambunctious and walk into town in the middle of the night or whatever and not stay confined to the house.

You've said these kids just want to hang out and have an all nighter and I don't doubt that there are kids out there who would do just that but you said twice in your OP that you are uncomfortable with the idea. Uncomfortable is something that you feel when you know that something is not quite right. Maybe it's the fact that the other girls are going to lie to their parents?

I don't get what the repeated pronouncement that your kid is great has to do with anything. Great or not, I don't think young teens should be staying out all night in a co-ed party, especially when there's only a brother there as a supervisor. Maybe an after-prom type thing but not at 13. How old is the brother? I don't know why but I would think a brother would be a lot more lenient than if this was going on at a house where there were parents just inside the house.
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Old 04-26-2012, 05:46 PM
 
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Nope.
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Old 04-26-2012, 05:48 PM
 
Location: North America
14,212 posts, read 9,619,135 times
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Im kind of curious on why age would have anything to do with it. To be honest you'd be better off worrying when they hit 17-18 :-P. Anyway ivory if you don't feel comfortable then as mattie said maybe a compromise would be in order.
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