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Old 05-07-2012, 08:44 PM
 
Location: New York City
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Don't ask me why I am asking!! All I will say is that I wish there was an emoticon of a mom having a nervous breakdown.
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Old 05-07-2012, 09:59 PM
 
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Default no worries

I think it is common at any age. When I think back, I had what I thought of as a boyfriend as early as preschool and the only thing I knew to do to show that he was my boyfriend was sit by him, hold hands, and say "I love you" It's really just playing pretend in the beginning I think. No matter how old your child is it's probably a good time to start thinking about what you think is appropriate for them to be doing with a "crush" and maybe have "the talk" at whatever level is age appropriate.

The truth is with all the pop culture and talent competitions with kids singing adult level songs and dressing up like adults little ones are going to be a bit rushed into some of these things. My daughter is 6 and seems awfully boy crazy so I try to limit what she sees of all that. She has some more tree climbing, hopscotch and bike riding to do!
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Old 05-07-2012, 10:44 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,025,648 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gimme it View Post
Don't ask me why I am asking!! All I will say is that I wish there was an emoticon of a mom having a nervous breakdown.
Happened to me in 1st grade

My sisters each went thru it in 4th grade.

This was back in the 1960's.

Try not to panic
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Old 05-08-2012, 04:40 AM
 
Location: Texas Hill Country
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My boys are 3rd grade and 6th and they have yet to confess to even any "like" towards a girl. Just getting over the cover your head during a kiss on tv phase here (for both boys).
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Old 05-08-2012, 06:00 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,426 posts, read 35,696,560 times
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My brother kissed his girlfriend in kindergarten, after professing his love.

"pop culture and talent competitions with kids singing adult level songs and dressing up like adults " had nothing to do with that as this happened back in 1966!
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Old 05-08-2012, 06:08 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
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The one of mine who is girl-crazy had a "serious" GF in 8th grade, and they said "I love you," but they broke up after a couple of months. He now has been dating a different girl for a year, and you can totally tell it is first true love.

If the kids are any younger than that, it really is no big deal. Let it go.

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Old 05-08-2012, 07:20 AM
 
Location: New York City
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Ok, so what happened was: my 11yo, 5th grader was in dance class and I was waiting for her to finish up. She left her back pack with me, so I looked at her cell phone. I clicked on messages and I saw one from this boy who she has been "friends or enemies" with since 3rd grade. I know they both have a "crush' on each other. One of his messages said, "Hi Sweetie, I hope you still love me". Then I found messages from another boy at her school. There were many texts back and forth from them. As they progressed, he professed his love her many times, told her she was beautiful and the hottest girl in school. He also asked if she would consider going out with him when they were teens. As he got braver in his texts, he would start with, "what's up Beautiful" or "Hey Lovey". I thought she handled his texts appropriately. She just said, "Aww" after all the "i love yous", and thanked him for the compliments.

After dance class I told her that I looked at her phone and she looked like she was about to cry and asked me to never look again. She told me what was going on, but she looked mortified. I told her that I wasn't angry, just worried that she was still so young and that I couldn't believe how forward the boys were. She admitted that she was uncomfortable with her "crush" calling her, Sweetie. But she also said that when people admit to having crushes it usually means they love each other, right?

I am not worried about the present, but knowing that she starts middle school in the fall worries me. What happens in 6th, 7th and 8th grade when stuff like this happens in 5th???
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Old 05-08-2012, 07:24 AM
 
Location: Dallas TX
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Every child is different. My daughter had crushes starting at the age of 3 and has never been embarrased about it. My son is the complete opposite, and at age 12 still will not admit he has any crushes!
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Old 05-08-2012, 07:30 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,013 posts, read 37,656,456 times
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I'm not surprised she was mortified. She will probably start deleting everything now. Kids learn quickly to cover their tracks, if only to avoid embarrassing encounters like that one. The one thing you can be glad about is that her reaction did not appear to egg on the boys.

My high-school boys didn't have phones in 5th grade, but they did message friends online. It was much easier to track than texting.

I can't tell you that it gets better. All it takes is one kid who is overtly sexual to expose your child to stuff you, much less they, are not ready for. One of mine had a classmate, a girl who, in 6th grade, was basically trying to sext him. That has not been the norm, though.

I personally think 5th grade is too young for a phone or texting because the boys, especially, think they are real bad-*sses at that age. Often they are the oldest kids in their school, and they know just enough to get in trouble. They don't have the judgment to handle texting because, emboldened by the keyboard and "safe" behind a screen, they write things that they would NEVER say on the phone or in person.

You know your child, and it sounds like her instincts are in a good place. I'm sure you have given her the phone to communicate with you, so if you continue to allow her to text, you will have to completely trust her or else start checking her messages openly, which would make her feel untrustworthy. I would encourage her to listen to that "uncomfortable" feeling, that is her conscience telling her that situation is wrong.
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Old 05-08-2012, 07:51 AM
 
400 posts, read 458,070 times
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Sounds like you have a bright little girl that is mature for her age (in a good way!) Honestly in 5th grade I think it should be OK for you to look at her phone, (You are still paying the bill right?) but she does need to know that you trust her. Keep the conversation going as she gets older and continue to boost her confidence at home and she will probably make good choices.

In response to the other post about pop culture having nothing to do with it because it was in the 60's; There was quite a culture going on then too! And I didn't say that pop culture had everything to do with it, but even kids who are not thinking of those things on their own yet are confronted with them (by kids their own age) quite early now. This could be part of what's helping the OP's boys to be so bold and smooth talking.
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