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Did you read the articles?? The parents don't forget. They think they've dropped their child off. They think their child is safe. It's not about forgetting but a malfunction in the brain that leads them to think they've done something they haven't.
BTDT. When dd was a baby, I was supposed to drop her off at day care instead of dh. I was tired and I normally did not drop her off. Out of habit I turned left out of the sub instead of right and drove all the way to work, on auto pilot, parked my car and got out. Fortunately, I saw her in the back seat. For a moment I was confused because I thought I'd dropped her off. Then I remembered I never made that right turn to the day care center. My heart was in my stomache. From that day forward, I kept a teddy bear in her car seat when she wasn't in it and in the front seat with me when she was to serve as a reminder that she was in the car seat. Once the brain gets on auto pilot, it takes something startling, like seeing the baby in the back seat, to jar it back onto the right track.
This is the baby I hovered over. A child I prayed for for 16 years. I can't explain how my brain checked off "Drop off baby" but it did. In my mind she was at day care until I saw her in the back seat. Once I made that left, I was on my way to work as if everything else was taken care of. My brain went on auto pilot. I thank God I looked into her carseat before walking away from that car. It's not negligence. It's something else. I like the swiss cheese analogy. That's what it felt like. Like that morning had fallen into a hole. The memories did not connect the way they should have.
This makes perfect sense, and I believe this is probably exactly what happened to the parents in the article. If you had not seen her, you would have gone on into work, gotten wrapped up in the day and by the time you had a moment to sit with no distractions and remember that you didn't drop off the baby, it might have been too late. Thank goodness you saw her
I do have to say that any parent who claims their child is ALWAYS at the forefront of their thoughts I have a hard time believing. Yes, my dd is the most important thing in my life, I love her more than anything, and she is my #1 priority. Does that mean I sit and think about her 24/7? That is just not possible. I work, go to school, dealing with bills and other issues, and there are other things that require my attention from time to time. I wouldn't accomplish any thing else if I just sat and thought about my kid every second. And if I honestly believed I had dropped her off, there would be no reason for me to worry about it.
If all murder was just murder plain and simple, there would be no 1st degree, 2nd degree, manslaughter, etc. The law recognizes different circumstances and situations. A parent who gets distracted and forgets to drop off their kid is a lot different than a parent who deliberately, intentionally harms or neglects their child imo.
It is well known that memory is both very malleable and easily effected by outside forces. It is easily possible to create false memories. It's also well known that lack of sleep and stress affect the functioning of the brain. These things are not theory. There may exist questions as to the exact mechanism responsible, but not the results. There's really very little difference between driving to work when you mean to drive to college and thinking you dropped off the baby at the day care. It's just that one situation is just confusing and upsetting and the other has a tragic outcome.
Over and over in this thread people have come forward to tell their own experiences with 'brain blips'. Any one of us who shared such moments could have been in that article. Are all of these people child abusers or neglectful?
I agree with Minimom on this one. Using the logic of blaming 'our brains are on autopilot' much of the time, then these incidents would be happening with far more frequency. Instead, they are an anomaly (thankfully). People who make the mistake have apparently forgotten accidentally, but I'm still not convinced that it's not neglectful to do so.
This same question comes up when children accidentally drown in swimming pools. Should a parent be prosecuted because they lost sight of their child and they slipped in to the pool? Some states have answered that question by just requiring all new pools to have guard gates (Nevada), but it still happens. Should we as a society accept that some forms of neglect, especially those where a life is lost, should not be prosecuted? Again, some states say yes, others no. I say each case should be decided on its own merit, but we have to be careful of a slippery slope that could be seen as too lenient on neglect.
I still believe a life is the highest priority and there should be no excuses. I think there are a lot of people who said it will never happen to me and it didn't. As a sleep-deprived Mom of twins I said it then and it didn't. To me, driving carries all sorts of responsibilities, being alert, not drinking, watching for distractions, no texting,etc.etc. But most of all, my responsibility is to my children, whenever they are put into a car by me.
Nope but neither is your hypothesis that doesn't have experts to back it up. I'll go with the on that has experts to back it up.
As I said before, the swiss cheese analogy fits what happened to me. It's as if my brain filled in a hole with memories that did not happen. I wasn't focused on her. I just happened to see her move her hand through the glass in the back window. She was rear facing so I coudln't see her in the seat.
I agree with Minimom on this one. Using the logic of blaming 'our brains are on autopilot' much of the time, then these incidents would be happening with far more frequency. Instead, they are an anomaly (thankfully). People who make the mistake have apparently forgotten accidentally, but I'm still not convinced that it's not neglectful to do so.
This same question comes up when children accidentally drown in swimming pools. Should a parent be prosecuted because they lost sight of their child and they slipped in to the pool? Some states have answered that question by just requiring all new pools to have guard gates (Nevada), but it still happens. Should we as a society accept that some forms of neglect, especially those where a life is lost, should not be prosecuted? Again, some states say yes, others no. I say each case should be decided on its own merit, but we have to be careful of a slippery slope that could be seen as too lenient on neglect.
I still believe a life is the highest priority and there should be no excuses. I think there are a lot of people who said it will never happen to me and it didn't. As a sleep-deprived Mom of twins I said it then and it didn't. To me, driving carries all sorts of responsibilities, being alert, not drinking, watching for distractions, no texting,etc.etc. But most of all, my responsibility is to my children, whenever they are put into a car by me.
Well put. And while I'm holding onto what I said earlier ("Never say never"), I do believe that this is preventable in a number of specific ways. As I said earlier, simply interacting with them every time you're in the car together is an invaluable habit. Doesn't matter if they're too young to understand you or if they're asleep. Talk to them. Make it so they're no less in the front of your mind than any other passenger would be.
This is being considered neglect because at the heart of what child neglect is, is a failure to interact with your child frequently enough. I'm quite sure that even in some of the worst cases of child neglect, the parent gives the child some kind of attention sometimes. Same with driving in your car or being near a pool. Clearly, sometimes just isn't enough.
If this theory is proven correct and it does seem plausible, the two are very comparable.
If it's proven...and by the way, a theory can't be proven to be true, it can only be proven false...then that would be great. Until then, I have my opinion, and you have yours.
Well put. And while I'm holding onto what I said earlier ("Never say never"), I do believe that this is preventable in a number of specific ways. As I said earlier, simply interacting with them every time you're in the car together is an invaluable habit. Doesn't matter if they're too young to understand you or if they're asleep. Talk to them. Make it so they're no less in the front of your mind than any other passenger would be.
This is being considered neglect because at the heart of what child neglect is, is a failure to interact with your child frequently enough. I'm quite sure that even in some of the worst cases of child neglect, the parent gives the child some kind of attention sometimes. Same with driving in your car or being near a pool. Clearly, sometimes just isn't enough.
When dd was a baby, I was supposed to drop her off at day care instead of dh. I was tired and I normally did not drop her off. Out of habit I turned left out of the sub instead of right and drove all the way to work, on auto pilot, parked my car and got out. Fortunately, I saw her in the back seat. For a moment I was confused because I thought I'd dropped her off. Then I remembered I never made that right turn to the day care center. My heart was in my stomache. From that day forward, I kept a teddy bear in her car seat when she wasn't in it and in the front seat with me when she was to serve as a reminder that she was in the car seat. Once the brain gets on auto pilot, it takes something startling, like seeing the baby in the back seat, to jar it back onto the right track.
Great solution! I also like the suggestions to put your purse or phone in the back seat (however, not if your phone is usually in your purse because you'll forget to look for your phone). Something that knocks your brain out of standby/habit mode.
Years ago I read the article below from the Washington Post about this issue. The article is a bit heart-wrenching, and it helps explain how something like this could happen:
Safe to say the best we can do on this thread is gather our suggestions for preventing this from happening.
1. Consistently talk to your infant/toddler just as you would talk to any other passenger.
2. Keep your purse/wallet, cell phone, lunch box, etc. in the back seat with your child.
3. Make sure your child's daycare and babysitters have all of both parents' phone numbers (house, cell, and work) and encourage them to call whenever your child's considerably late.
4. Make a habit of covering your child's carseat with a blanket or something (kept in the front seat when baby's in the back) whenever you park your car.
5. If possible/practical, set up a picture of your child in plain sight wherever you work, or in a locker (It's an all-around good idea anyway).
Apologies if I missed any.
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