U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-22-2012, 03:07 PM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,730,432 times
Reputation: 31039

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
No because often an attorney can be enough pressure to ensure they actually do something. You can hire an attorney simply to be there to represent you when you talk with the principal. I'm not suggesting making it a big deal just that possibly having one there can make the administration realize how serious the parents view it.
like what? The damage is done. It can't be undone.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-22-2012, 03:16 PM
 
5,210 posts, read 8,807,408 times
Reputation: 5865
I'm so sorry that this happened to your son. If it's any consolation, just realize that every parent of a child at that school who hears about what that bully did to your son is going to remember it. And who wants their child to hang around with (or even be near) a kid who does mean things like that?

Hopefully, your son can hold his head high and go back to school with a smile on his face. If anyone brings up what happened, he can just say "Let's change the subject. I don't walk to talk about this." I'll bet most of his peers for horrible for him, too, and they'll understand.

Last edited by springfieldva; 05-22-2012 at 03:24 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-22-2012, 03:34 PM
 
10,148 posts, read 13,838,845 times
Reputation: 4567
Quote:
Originally Posted by familymom View Post
My 7th grade son is home today crying from embarrassment. A boy was dared to pull his pants down in the gym in front of all his classmates-boys and girls. Yes his underwear also came down.

The boy got two days suspension, but what should I do about my son.
I'd go to the school office and get them to discuss the matter with the other boy's parents.

Some parents care less about a suspension.

The school needs to give the parents a very firm warning, that future incidents might be considered harrassment, as others have suggested.

You might want to contact the parent's yourself, and let them know that you will pursue harrassment charges through a lawyer, if needed. (Put a bug in their ear, though the chances of you doing that, may be near 0%)

Their son is not a child, he knew exactly what he was doing.

As far as your son, if any other boys give him a hard time about it, let him scoff their comments off with some comment that will cause them to go silent. Such as "during the event he thought he heard a few girls whistling."
There's nothing wrong with trying to make light of what happened, if needed to silence any ribbing like comments.

For the time being, maybe he can wear a shoulder strap under his shirt. The strap is like suspenders. This prevents another such incident until it all blows over, and the other boy and his parents know it was a very serious matter, that won't be tolerated by the school or you, AND your lawyer.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-22-2012, 03:43 PM
 
12,913 posts, read 19,787,452 times
Reputation: 33915
Quote:
Originally Posted by GrandviewGloria View Post
There is nothing 'innocent' or 'harmless' about this 'prank'. Public Nudity is, in most jurisdictions, a CRIME. So, deliberately causing another person's genitals to be exposed in public would also have to be a crime. What was done to your son is a criminal act in so many ways.... well... If an adult had done that to a minor, he could be put away for life.

If your son has body image problems, or is having peer acceptance problems (which would include being bullied), then this is an early warning which can help you save his life. I'm assuming he has these problems, because my own sons, who had better bodies and bigger junk than the other boys, would have come home smirking, had anyone been foolish enough to pants them (parenting two wildly-attractive exhibitionists has its own challenges...girls crawling through windows...coming in over the garden wall...oy...). But my Sons were lucky. Few are so lucky. For most thirteen-year-olds, this would be a horribly humiliating experience.

My Husband was nearly bullied to death, from fifth grade to graduation. The first time I saw him - we were 17-year-olds, in Bodybuilding 101, first semester of college - he was stooped-over, furtive, afraid to look others in the eye. He had severe acne, and a scalp scarred by Ringworm. At that point, he'd nearly taken his own life more times than he could count. Only consideration of his Mother's feelings had kept him from doing it. Poverty, being fatherless, being really smart...all had isolated him from his peers, and as Meredith Minter Dixon of RavenDays describes her own status, made him a hunted outsider.

Divine Intervention had to have brought us together, because that pitiful boy was just right for me. I was just as poor and hideous, and had been bullied a good bit, too. Unlike him, though, I'd not been physically attacked. Constant loud public insults are not as bad as physical attacks (I would consider being de-pantsed as a physical attack). Two effeminate boys in my high school were physically assaulted, and did kill themselves.

Well, that ugly boy and I became a team, then a couple. Between improved nutrition, vitamin supplements, weightlifting, swimming, and (most important) the flood of good brain chemicals you get from being in a wonderful loving relationship, we both blossomed. He had a late-onset growth spurt (including, probably, his brain, and definitely parts it's not nice to mention).

We started coaching each other on posture and elocution. We started a family. We started estate-building.

And now, I'm married to a six-foot-three mountain of muscle in a six thousand Dollar suit. His voice is impressively deep. His delivery is authoritative. His posture is that of a man in charge. His gaze intimidates.

But at the core of that magnificent man is still the boy who nearly died, because of bullies.

I'm telling you all of this, because I'm about to tell you what you should do. (instead of the usual squawking Mother Hen approach, which smothers boys, and does more harm than good)

Summer is nearly here, and over the course of a summer, a thirteen-year-old can transform himself, physically. You can accelerate Puberty and the development of Masculine Gender Signals. This should help with Peer Acceptance (or at least make him less vulnerable).

I know a brilliant Swede, who deliberately (and with the help of some medical texts) threw himself into early puberty. He had been yanked out of a good school in Beverly Hills, and thrown into a Dixie DumbBunny private academy in the Deep South, where the focus was Football. From a family of giant blonds, he was seen as future fodder for the Football machine, and hounded relentlessly to 'join the program' (Little League Football?). Then, he was bullied, as a result of his refusal. It was bad. So, he began exercising like mad, started limited sun exposure for the testosterone surge (collagen/cancer issues later, possibly, but it beats being an adolescent suicide), etc. He was sent back to Sweden for a happy summer with a bodybuilding (and Mossad-trained) branch of the family... and came back MORPHED...and dangerous. The bullying problem quickly went away (he seriously injured a bully, and it took strings-pulled, and threats-made, to cover it up and silence the injured psycho's family... but anyway...).

If you can afford it, get a membership to a non-threatening gym which accepts kids your son's age. Many gyms have summer programs for kids. Additionally, get him a personal trainer. Once, I was out of town, having a session with my temporary Trainer. Across the room was a twelve-year-old boy, whose trainer looked like a Super Hero. Huge, blond, built, and beautiful, this trainer was precisely the sort whose aura an obese kid needed to be importing (remember, a good trainer is on your team...a temporary best friend...). In other words, the kid was getting to identify with this guy.His self-image was surely being upgraded. I told my Trainer, and she said that the kid's Mom (a powerful Attorney) had just died of a massive heart attack (a few sleepless nights... a few cups of coffee too many...). I can't think of better therapy for a kid in such distress, than having a living superhero devoting hours to him...showing him how to become a superhero, himself.

Your kid needs an hour a day in the pool, all summer. Preferably, this is a pool which, while open-air, limits his sun exposure. There are all sorts of pool exercises, which are ideal for adolescents, whose bones have not yet hardened. (low-weight, high-reps exercises are traditionally recommended for adolescents, who can put on astonishing amounts of muscle that way).

Some sort of Martial Arts/fight training would not be a bad idea, at this point. And the calorie charts at the gym show that these disciplines burn calories like crazy. No wonder the Mixed Martial Arts dudes are among the hottest at the gym. Their flexibility training makes them good-looking, too.

Moderate sun exposure will help trigger a testosterone surge - a good thing - but temper its effects with Beta Carotene (Carrots, Broccoli, Swiss Chard, Mixed-Carotenoid capsules...), which helps the body convert sunlight effectively. Making sure he has an abundance of other antioxidants in his diet/supplements will also help limit damage from sun exposure.

And that leads me to diet: Now is the crucial time (a time window which will soon be closing) to evaluate your Son's diet (and yours). Whole grains and leafy green vegetables should be the bulk of your diet. Simple Carbohydrates (Sugar, cooked fruits, pasteurized fruit juices, soft drinks, pasta, white flour, bagels, the cereals most people eat...) should not even be in your house. Find your local whole foods co-op, and buy Millet, Raw Buckwheat, Lentils, Barley Flakes, Rolled Oats, Rye Flakes, raw Almonds, etc. in bulk. Here's my favorite nutrition information resource: WHFoods: The World's Healthiest Foods

While avoiding Simple Carbohydrates, you should be embracing good fats. These (unless one is allergic, of course) come from Sunflower Seeds, Nuts, Almonds, Avocados, and Olive Oil (if you can find the rare brands of undiluted Extra Virgin Olive Oil.) Add fats after cooking. Heated oils are bad for you, and make you ugly.

We're Vegetarians. But lean protein from steamed fish and boiled chicken breasts would not be a bad idea for a growing boy putting on muscle.

If you have a voice recording device, now is the time for your Son to start lowering his voice, perfecting his delivery. Plenty has been written, about how powerful men speak. Consult the experts. Listening to himself a few hundred times, on a recorder...getting better with each try...will yield amazing results. He can craft his personality to be exactly what he knows will give him maximum posture power with his peers.

Oh, POSTURE! Almost forgot! There are exercises (easy to find online) designed to improve posture. They work. A good three-way mirror is a great place for assessing one's own carriage. Videotaping yourself moving through space is good practice, too.

Ultimately, it is your Son's choice to eat right, exercise, deepen his voice... Some choose to survive and thrive. Some do not. You can lead a Horse to water....

The Personal Trainer (preferably a magnificent male he'll want to emulate) is a good first step.




Meredith Minter Dixon's story: Raven Days -- Stalag HS
Good grief. You've advocated everything but steroids. There is nothing wrong with a 13 year old boy looking like...a 13 year old boy. I am sure he is not the only one awaiting puberty. Let him be. Your solution just screaming that there is something wrong with HIM.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-22-2012, 03:47 PM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,730,432 times
Reputation: 31039
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Good grief. You've advocated everything but steroids. There is nothing wrong with a 13 year old boy looking like...a 13 year old boy. I am sure he is not the only one awaiting puberty. Let him be. Your solution just screaming that there is something wrong with HIM.
Exactly. Why not just tell the kid he's not good enough. Plus the OP didn't indicate that he's any of the things you mentioned. Not everyone who gets bullied is scrawny or ugly.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-22-2012, 04:27 PM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
27,236 posts, read 15,033,121 times
Reputation: 20852
I don't even know what to say. I would be very upset if this were my son and I would NOT be happy with only two days suspension.

There are boys who could laugh this off and go on without a second thought; but mine wouldn't have been one of them - definitely not in middle school.

While I think Grandviewgloria went overboard - this might be a good time to assess if your son does have insecurities that he would like to talk about.

Perhaps he would like to take steps over the summer to improve his body image; perhaps not.

I would definitely have that conversation with him just in case - I certainly wouldn't force it on him.

I'm not sure what I would do personally about the incident itself. I probably would write a letter to the school at the very least. But then I'm big on leaving a paper trail.

Together, you and your son can get through this. Let that be your mantra if he is still upset. "Together, we will get through this". And you both will.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-22-2012, 04:27 PM
 
Location: Lake Oswego, Manhattan, Aspen
3,135 posts, read 3,955,456 times
Reputation: 11035
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Good grief. You've advocated everything but steroids. There is nothing wrong with a 13 year old boy looking like...a 13 year old boy. I am sure he is not the only one awaiting puberty. Let him be. Your solution just screaming that there is something wrong with HIM.
First, the Mother is asking what to do about her son. The bullies have been punished. The kid is obviously in some way vulnerable. I'm telling her how to make him less vulnerable.

Possibly you don't realize that most schools, today, are little concentration camps. The Kapos are kids from ethnic groups with average IQs of 93 or below. Right and wrong are irrelevant to these creatures. Vulnerability is all that matters to them. Even when they are vastly outnumbered, these things rule the schools. They are on the lookout for easy targets. Bullying behavior used to be kept in check by rigid school discipline. Today, school 'administrators' and 'coaches', and even 'teachers', tend to be the Nazis egging-on the Kapos in their brutality.

A kid should not have to be tough. He should not have to look good. All that should matter in school is study. Do I need to point out the difference between how things should be and how they are?

A concentration camp survivor once described her first 'inspektion', upon arrival at the first camp: "I was naked before men. And I suddenly realized that here was a new reality, with a new set of rules. And I knew that if I did not learn those rules, I would die." She adapted to a world where things were not as they should have been. She lived. Most died.

The "We love you just as you are. Please stay broken." approach may be wonderful in a civilized world where all are rational, intelligent beings who play by the rules. But mere self-acceptance may not cut it in a school obviously ruled by dehumanized psychos.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-22-2012, 06:23 PM
 
1,135 posts, read 1,983,036 times
Reputation: 1478
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
I think more is hurt than his pride. His confidence has been attacked and he is probably afraid this might be repeated. This is a prime example of bullying and a lot more than "silly shenanigans". Some could call it sexual harassment and I'm sure in some schools it would bring a lot more than 2 days suspension.

I hope he has the strength to eventually go back to school with his head held high. If others continue to tease him and make his life miserable then you have to take it to your school's principal or school board. This could just be the beginning of a wave of bullying directed towards your child. I wish you good luck.
Agree with everything you said. I would definitely send an email to the school superintendent to make sure he/she is aware of the situation.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-22-2012, 06:31 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
5,944 posts, read 6,379,685 times
Reputation: 3018
I've been pantsed many times. Yes it is embarrassing but is really anything to give someone a criminal record over?
If that happened to me I would just be like someone must have a crush on me(only works if its the same gender person), I would turn it around on them and embarrass them.
Or I would wait for them to get back to school and do it to them and then enjoy a nice two day vacation.

If I was a 13 year old boy I would turn it back on that kid, make HIM regret ever doing it to me.
I would just say to everyone that so and so had a crush and was just trying to touch my junk.
Turn it on the bully..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-22-2012, 06:33 PM
 
2,873 posts, read 4,539,978 times
Reputation: 4261
Quote:
Originally Posted by GrandviewGloria View Post
First, the Mother is asking what to do about her son. The bullies have been punished. The kid is obviously in some way vulnerable. I'm telling her how to make him less vulnerable.

Possibly you don't realize that most schools, today, are little concentration camps. The Kapos are kids from ethnic groups with average IQs of 93 or below. Right and wrong are irrelevant to these creatures. Vulnerability is all that matters to them. Even when they are vastly outnumbered, these things rule the schools. They are on the lookout for easy targets. Bullying behavior used to be kept in check by rigid school discipline. Today, school 'administrators' and 'coaches', and even 'teachers', tend to be the Nazis egging-on the Kapos in their brutality.

A kid should not have to be tough. He should not have to look good. All that should matter in school is study. Do I need to point out the difference between how things should be and how they are?

A concentration camp survivor once described her first 'inspektion', upon arrival at the first camp: "I was naked before men. And I suddenly realized that here was a new reality, with a new set of rules. And I knew that if I did not learn those rules, I would die." She adapted to a world where things were not as they should have been. She lived. Most died.

The "We love you just as you are. Please stay broken." approach may be wonderful in a civilized world where all are rational, intelligent beings who play by the rules. But mere self-acceptance may not cut it in a school obviously ruled by dehumanized psychos.
You know, I was almost agreeing with you until the "Please stay broken" part.

Depending on the situation (and we have no idea what the situation is here...if the boy is regularly bullied or not) it can be helpful for some children to learn to camouflage themselves. It shouldn't be necessary, but sometimes it is.

That said, these children are not broken. Camouflage does not mean changing who you actually are. It just means getting off the radar.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top