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Old 05-22-2012, 06:39 PM
 
Location: Somewhere extremely awesome
2,836 posts, read 2,302,566 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by familymom View Post
My 7th grade son is home today crying from embarrassment. A boy was dared to pull his pants down in the gym in front of all his classmates-boys and girls. Yes his underwear also came down.

The boy got two days suspension, but what should I do about my son.
I was the victim of a lot of bullying in middle school. I will tell you this - most other kids look at the severity of acts perpetrated and judge from there.

For example, there was a boy who peed on me in 8th grade in the locker room showers. Despite my reputation as a target, guess who was protected, and who was ostracized? The other kids didn't stand for what happened to me and stood up for me.

So for your son? My guess is in some ways, if most of the other kids are relatively normal, he has a free pass for life. His classmates will most likely recognize what happened to him was ridiculously horrible and will not hold it against him. I hope for all the best.
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Old 05-22-2012, 06:44 PM
 
2,873 posts, read 4,541,520 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cbmsu01 View Post
I was the victim of a lot of bullying in middle school. I will tell you this - most other kids look at the severity of acts perpetrated and judge from there.

For example, there was a boy who peed on me in 8th grade in the locker room showers. Despite my reputation as a target, guess who was protected, and who was ostracized? The other kids didn't stand for what happened to me and stood up for me.

So for your son? My guess is in some ways, if most of the other kids are relatively normal, he has a free pass for life. His classmates will most likely recognize what happened to him was ridiculously horrible and will not hold it against him. I hope for all the best.
I think this depends on the climate of the school. My school would have been the same way- there was a threshold, and doing something truly shaming or harmful to someone probably would have made everyone turn on the bully, not the victim. I think this was primarily because we were a small school with a small class (there were about a hundred seniors in my graduating class). So everyone knew everyone, and even if there were outcasts they were still 'their' outcasts, if that makes sense.

That said, there are many, many schools where the bullies have a stronger hold or form the majority. Or there's just so many students that there's no visceral shared embarrassment...the more you know a person, the more empathy you have even if you don't like them all that much.
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Old 05-22-2012, 06:45 PM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,737,691 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GrandviewGloria View Post
First, the Mother is asking what to do about her son. The bullies have been punished. The kid is obviously in some way vulnerable. I'm telling her how to make him less vulnerable.

Possibly you don't realize that most schools, today, are little concentration camps. The Kapos are kids from ethnic groups with average IQs of 93 or below. Right and wrong are irrelevant to these creatures. Vulnerability is all that matters to them. Even when they are vastly outnumbered, these things rule the schools. They are on the lookout for easy targets. Bullying behavior used to be kept in check by rigid school discipline. Today, school 'administrators' and 'coaches', and even 'teachers', tend to be the Nazis egging-on the Kapos in their brutality.

A kid should not have to be tough. He should not have to look good. All that should matter in school is study. Do I need to point out the difference between how things should be and how they are?

A concentration camp survivor once described her first 'inspektion', upon arrival at the first camp: "I was naked before men. And I suddenly realized that here was a new reality, with a new set of rules. And I knew that if I did not learn those rules, I would die." She adapted to a world where things were not as they should have been. She lived. Most died.

The "We love you just as you are. Please stay broken." approach may be wonderful in a civilized world where all are rational, intelligent beings who play by the rules. But mere self-acceptance may not cut it in a school obviously ruled by dehumanized psychos.
over dramatize much. This post is a major insult to anyone who was in a concentration camp.

Encouraging the kid to exercise, find an activity he's good at, eat healthy are all fine recommendations. They are things kids should do in any case. But it doesn't need to be swimming. It doesn't need to be martial arts. He doesn't need a personal trainer. He doesn't need to lower his voice himself. That will happen on its own. If he does what he likes, likes what he does, eats reasonably healthy, and exercises the rest should follow.

Bettering one's self is admirable, but in a more natural way than what you describe.

I took the OP's question to be "what do I do about my son in his current embarrassed emotional state?" Not "how do I fix my broken son?"
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Old 05-22-2012, 06:58 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,708,331 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by familymom View Post
My 7th grade son is home today crying from embarrassment. A boy was dared to pull his pants down in the gym in front of all his classmates-boys and girls. Yes his underwear also came down.

The boy got two days suspension, but what should I do about my son.
All the kid who did this got was a 2 day suspension? I'm stunned this was treated this lightly. The punishment for this should have been far more severe.

I'd start with getting a lawyer. A lawyer will be able to tell you what you can do. This should never have been allowed to happen and the boy who did this needs to be used as an example so this doesn't happen again.
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Old 05-22-2012, 07:00 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
5,944 posts, read 6,381,125 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
All the kid who did this got was a 2 day suspension? I'm stunned this was treated this lightly.

I'd start with getting a lawyer.
A lawyer?
Over getting pantsed?
Yes, it's embarrassing but seriously it's been going on for ages.
I really don't think its anything to give anyone a record over, next kids will be getting charged as sex offenders for and then what's next?
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Old 05-22-2012, 07:01 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,333,321 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GrandviewGloria View Post
A concentration camp survivor once described her first 'inspektion', upon arrival at the first camp: "I was naked before men. And I suddenly realized that here was a new reality, with a new set of rules. And I knew that if I did not learn those rules, I would die." She adapted to a world where things were not as they should have been. She lived. Most died.
Is that a Corrie ten Boom quote?

If it is, she would remind us her survival had nothing to do with what SHE did but was because of the mercy of God because He had more work for her to do.

(Sorry, but I also think she'd also be taken aback at your comparing schools with Ravensbruck. I must say I am.)
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Old 05-22-2012, 07:13 PM
 
2,873 posts, read 4,541,520 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
Is that a Corrie ten Boom quote?

If it is, she would remind us her survival had nothing to do with what SHE did but was because of the mercy of God because He had more work for her to do.

(Sorry, but I also think she'd also be taken aback at your comparing schools with Ravensbruck. I must say I am.)
Oh, geez, somehow I glossed right over that part in the midst of all the rest. Now I'm just angry. I don't care how bad a school gets, there's simply no comparison. And no matter how well one followed the 'rules' in a camp, terrible things could still happen.
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Old 05-22-2012, 08:22 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,708,331 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
A lawyer?
Over getting pantsed?
Yes, it's embarrassing but seriously it's been going on for ages.
I really don't think its anything to give anyone a record over, next kids will be getting charged as sex offenders for and then what's next?
Yes. If someone doesn't make this kid and the school pay, it will happen again. No one has the right to do this to antoher person. That's just sick.

A two day suspension is a pat on the back not a punishment. Yes, a lawyer is in order considering how the school handled this.
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Old 05-22-2012, 08:27 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,711,508 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
All the kid who did this got was a 2 day suspension? I'm stunned this was treated this lightly. The punishment for this should have been far more severe.

I'd start with getting a lawyer. A lawyer will be able to tell you what you can do. This should never have been allowed to happen and the boy who did this needs to be used as an example so this doesn't happen again.
I'm kind of with that. I think it would benefit the OP's son to have a way to fight back and this was nothing less than a sexual assault. A serious form of bullying. It's incredible that the school is taking it so lightly.

I would also be very aware of the humiliation this is causing him. Fine if he can laugh it off but this may be part of a whole long line of bullying. Keep him busy and keep his mind off it as much as possible but what was done was obviously meant to hurt and humiliate him, make him the laughing stock of the school. Some kids can laugh this kind of thing off, some are just too devastated. There are some current cases now that show how terrible public humiliation can be.
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Old 05-22-2012, 08:29 PM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,737,691 times
Reputation: 31039
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Yes. If someone doesn't make this kid and the school pay, it will happen again. No one has the right to do this to antoher person. That's just sick.

A two day suspension is a pat on the back not a punishment. Yes, a lawyer is in order considering how the school handled this.
the school didn't pants the kid.
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