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Old 05-22-2012, 08:40 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,699,632 times
Reputation: 22158

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
I really don't think that is necessary. If the parents make a big stink about it, it will just make it worse and keep it on everyone's minds that much longer. The OP's son should go back to school with his head held high and pretend he's not bothered. If it isn't a big deal to him, it won't be to anyone else either. OP, I am mortified for your son. I can only imagine how he feels.

ETA, I'm not saying to back down or anything like that. The bully has been punished. I don't know of 2 days is long enough or not, but that is for the school to decide. If she hasn't already, the OP should meet with the principal or VP to get the story straight, and make her feelings known about the punishment, but I don't think much else is warranted.
It's not likely the kids at school will even know about a legal case, but the school may decide not to be as lax about this kind of thing if there is a lawsuit.

Keeping the other kid out of school longer may definitely help the victimized kid -- and it would be a type of humiliation that other kid needs to feel. He would be the biggest loser if he can't even show his face at school because he's been kicked out or has to go to alternative school for a year.

And it sends a message that isn't being sent by these idiots running the school -- this is unacceptable behavior.

Imagine as adults if we went to work and were forced to experience this kind of humiliation -- and many adults would find it so unacceptable to experience this and if it happened in the workplace, it would be a sexual harassment lawsuit and the employee doing it would be fired. Why would we expect kids to endure what we ourselves could not imagine accepting?
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Old 05-22-2012, 08:44 PM
 
Location: Hyrule
8,401 posts, read 9,548,424 times
Reputation: 7421
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
over dramatize much. This post is a major insult to anyone who was in a concentration camp.

Encouraging the kid to exercise, find an activity he's good at, eat healthy are all fine recommendations. They are things kids should do in any case. But it doesn't need to be swimming. It doesn't need to be martial arts. He doesn't need a personal trainer. He doesn't need to lower his voice himself. That will happen on its own. If he does what he likes, likes what he does, eats reasonably healthy, and exercises the rest should follow.

Bettering one's self is admirable, but in a more natural way than what you describe.

I took the OP's question to be "what do I do about my son in his current embarrassed emotional state?" Not "how do I fix my broken son?"
I believe she is trying to give tools for the boy to use to empower himself. Redirect his objectives. This often works and helps people take some control of a situation themselves, which is probably just what he needs.

Things aren't always as easy as telling your child others are mean and they are nice, sometimes they need to take control themselves so they are brave enough to get through these kinds of situations. Especially at an age where having mom or dad go into the school and punish another kid to save theirs isn't actually helpful anymore. It can be just as embarrassing.

Pantsing someone is meant to humiliate. He needs to build himself up and move on. If strength training would help build his self esteem, it might be a good thing. At his age he won't buy the mommy will make it better statement, IMO. The hardest thing at that age is it's sort of up to you to handle it. That's the scary part, IMO. What ever works, I'd help him do it. Worth a shot. A personal trainer or karate instructor might be better than his mom in building confidence. You know, Karate Kid kind of thing. It's mental and physical.

I'm so glad I virtual school my son at home right now. Young beasts can really be a burden, your not required to be up for the challenge anymore.

Good luck to you op, just ask your son what he wants to do about it, whatever it is, I'd go with it. If he doesn't want to go back, so be it, he is old enough to school online and skip the horror, if he wants to build up, go back and face them, so be it. I would think it would be his call at this point, it's his deal, it's happening to him. More might have happened leading up to this ordeal. Never know.
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Old 05-22-2012, 08:54 PM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,730,432 times
Reputation: 31039
Quote:
Originally Posted by PoppySead View Post
I believe she is trying to give tools for the boy to use to empower himself. Redirect his objectives. This often works and helps people take some control of a situation themselves, which is probably just what he needs.

Things aren't always as easy as telling your child others are mean and they are nice, sometimes they need to take control themselves so they are brave enough to get through these kinds of situations. Especially at an age where having mom or dad go into the school and punish another kid to save theirs isn't actually helpful anymore. It can be just as embarrassing.

Pantsing someone is meant to humiliate. He needs to build himself up and move on. If strength training would help build his self esteem, it might be a good thing. At his age he won't buy the mommy will make it better statement, IMO. The hardest thing at that age is it's sort of up to you to handle it. That's the scary part, IMO. What ever works, I'd help him do it. Worth a shot. A personal trainer or karate instructor might be better than his mom in building confidence. You know, Karate Kid kind of thing. It's mental and physical.

I'm so glad I virtual school my son at home right now. Young beasts can really be a burden, your not required to be up for the challenge anymore.

Good luck to you op, just ask your son what he wants to do about it, whatever it is, I'd go with it. If he doesn't want to go back, so be it, he is old enough to school online and skip the horror, if he wants to build up, go back and face them, so be it. I would think it would be his call at this point, it's his deal, it's happening to him. More might have happened leading up to this ordeal. Never know.
Her posts were way over the top. way over. It sends the message that the kid isn't good enough, or something is wrong with him. There may be nothing wrong with him at all. Going too gung ho with too many physical changes at that age could even be harmful.

I wish the op would come back and give more info, like if this kind of thing has happened before, or what her son's self esteem is like.
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Old 05-22-2012, 08:58 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
5,944 posts, read 6,379,685 times
Reputation: 3018
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
Her posts were way over the top. way over. It sends the message that the kid isn't good enough, or something is wrong with him. There may be nothing wrong with him at all. Going too gung ho with too many physical changes at that age could even be harmful.

I wish the op would come back and give more info, like if this kind of thing has happened before, or what her son's self esteem is like.
Her post are weird written like some weird fetish story.
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Old 05-23-2012, 12:51 AM
 
Location: California
29,580 posts, read 31,907,081 times
Reputation: 24725
No need for lawyers people, good grief! No wonder this country is in such a pathetic mess! "Pantsing" HAS been going on for a long time and will continue because 13 year old kids are idiots! Lawsuits won't change that! UNDERSTAND THIS!!!!!!!!

Now, I do think that even though this happened in front of 100's, 100's didn't actually see anything. Probably only a couple kids actually got a look. It's appalling to be sure but a cocky (no pun intended) attitude can go a long way toward fixing this. I know boys who pants themselves for the humor of it so obviously the actual nudity isn't the biggest issue but the shock and embarrassment is. That will pass unless too much is made of this.

I also think privately talking to school administrators and asking for a harsher punishment is OK and appropriate. I don't know what this boys relationship is with the perps but maybe that should be taken into consideration too. If this child is being picked on regularly perhaps some intervention needs to be done as well to keep him from being a lifelong victim.
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Old 05-23-2012, 04:48 AM
 
27,993 posts, read 19,647,023 times
Reputation: 16471
That's terrible.

If it were a girl, I'm sure some of the reactions here would be different. There is not much you can do, besides be there for him.
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Old 05-23-2012, 04:51 AM
 
27,993 posts, read 19,647,023 times
Reputation: 16471
As someone who has extensive knowledge of WW2 concentration camps, I find the comparison to American schools disgusting and extremely hyperbolic.
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Old 05-23-2012, 06:22 AM
 
10,148 posts, read 13,838,845 times
Reputation: 4567
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Yes. If someone doesn't make this kid and the school pay, it will happen again. No one has the right to do this to antoher person. That's just sick.

A two day suspension is a pat on the back not a punishment. Yes, a lawyer is in order considering how the school handled this.
No lawyer needed at the present time. Just make sure the other kid's parents and the school administration office, know, that you know exactly how to spell L-A-W-Y-E-R, if you need to look it up in the yellow pages. Should this very serious matter repeats itself.

You and the school office can put whatever pressure is needed on the other parent's, to prevent this from happening again to other kids.

---------
to put the matter in prospective, I had to go to court over neighbors who let their dogs bark at night. They were found guilty and fined $330.
I also had a right to seek monetary damages in the civil court, if it got worse.

So, yes, if a barking dog's owner can be taken to court for monetary damages, like pain and suffering and possible psychological consequences, then the parents of a child that has been the victim of harassment can also.

In many cases, the thought of losing $$$ can make people change their behavior, and do what is right, and obey the laws of rule and public decency.
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Old 05-23-2012, 06:36 AM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,298 posts, read 20,544,645 times
Reputation: 20163
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shooting Stars View Post
The boy only got two days suspension? Not enough.
I totally agree. That is just awful, your poor son. That behavior should not be tolerated especially for that age period.
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Old 05-23-2012, 06:55 AM
 
Location: Petticoat Junction
930 posts, read 1,575,979 times
Reputation: 1487
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
All the kid who did this got was a 2 day suspension? I'm stunned this was treated this lightly. The punishment for this should have been far more severe.

I'd start with getting a lawyer. A lawyer will be able to tell you what you can do. This should never have been allowed to happen and the boy who did this needs to be used as an example so this doesn't happen again.
A lawyer. You have got to be kidding me.


..and I'll go ahead and take offense on that 'concentration camp' comment on behalf of my uncle, who spent three years in a real Japanese concentration camp in the Phillippines. You have no idea what you are talking about.


I've seen some ridiculous posts on CD in the past, but this thread takes the (stale) cake. Unreal.
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