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This is as far as I read. I fail to see how avoiding other people is a "more natural way" to grow up. Everyone has to learn to interact with all kinds of different people. virtual schooling can be a good temporary option in some cases, but it only delays the inevitable.
I read it, and I have no idea how it relates to anything. I the poster needs to write a book and get it all out of their system.
Wow, thank you for all the kind words. I had a meeting yesterday afternoon about the incident with the school. I was told that all the boys involved with the prank were spoken to and the boy who did the pantsing was suspended for two days, in school-not home. I think it is not severe enough but I really am not a big trouble maker to begin with. I know that there are some very extreme rules about bullying and for the most part they are there for very good reasons. I hope that these kids have learned a lesson about bullying and peer pressure. I am a believer that suing a family or school or causing a 13 year old to have a record that would ruin his life is not the answer. This said I am not sure that just suspension in school will teach much of a lesson either. I hope that his parents have enough sense to set him straight. Luckily my son is well liked and seems to have forgiven the boy who did this, they are more friends than enemies prior to this happening. I bellieve it was just a 13 year old prank.
My son did return for the last part of the day yesterday after the meeting. I feel you can not hide from problems. Sitting home would have made him think wild thoughts about what the whole school was thinking. Better to face your fear and laugh at your enemies and Never let anyone see your weakness. Well he did this and seems to be ok. Not sure if he is burning with embarrassment inside, but we will watch him. He seems to have a nice group of friends watching his back and I told him if anyone goes beyond a slide remark and make you upset than by all means go to the principle/guidence counsilor/teacher and report him for bullying. The school seems very concerned about his welfare and theirs I am sure, but like one poster said--how is this the schools fault? If a teacher was there, what could have been done to stop it. If my son was a girl being pants by a boy then this would have been sexual abuse--in this day and age I would think that the sex of the children would not matter--boy or girl,a very private part of my child was exposed, unwillingly to others. Yes I am very mad and want revenge but what really comes out of that will not help my son get over this and move on quickly. I am sure that today there will be new gossip about something else.
Thank you again for all your kind words and advise. I will watch for distress and I think that helping him work on his physical looks are unfortunately important at this age, but by no means the answer. I believe a kind soul, witty personality and confidence in who you are, sells you better than how you look on the outside.
Well-done, mom! I think you handled this beautifully and give you huge credit for following your son's lead about how he is thinking and feeling about it. He sounds like a great kid and if your last sentence (bolded) is any indication, he is really lucky to have a mom who is so wise.
One of the best things a parent can do for their child is to encourage them to take an after school martial arts class. He/She will gain confidence and the skills necessary to keep bullies away. Bullies only take advantage of those that they think they can get away with hurting... otherwise, they are cowards. Just knowing that your son is in martial arts class will be enough of a determent in most cases.
Well, report it to the police as sexual assault. The child who did it will be arrested, charged and have to register as a sex offender his whole life. This will hinder his ability to get into college, get a good job and be a useful member of society. In addition, the school will have to pay for 1000s of hours of counseling for the students who were present, and set aside money for future claims of PSTD from any student who may have seen too much.
The teaching staff as a whole will have to undergo retraining as to how to prevent this. In addition, the teachers who were present should be reprimanded or terminated as well.
Finally, your son should be entitled to millions in compensation not only from the other boys family but from the school system and state for allowing and making it possible for something like this to happen. heck the TV ads or the yellow pages and Hire a good lawyer.
OR more realistically, understand that this thing happens. Talk with your son about how generally screwed up people in this country are. Enroll your son in Shotokan Karate, next time it happens, he can learn some simple strike holds that can injure or kill an opponent in self defense. Since he would be legally defending himself, no court in the land will be able to say anything,should he injure someone, and no one will dare that stunt again. And he will learn you do not go out looking for trouble or tarting trouble or looking for a fight, but he will learn a 5 second way to end one for good.
...Just focusing on how your son should handle it when returning to school, right, wrong or indifferent, the SAME thing happened to a boy in my high school but it was at a sporting event at the school, outside.
(I will say that I think 7th grade and middle school is a tougher place to weather this type of situation that 9th grade, high school which is where I saw it happen.)
There was all this chatter about how he would act when he returned to school and how embarrassed would he be and to my surprise, and everyone else's, he laughed it out and made jokes about it like it was no big deal.
Who could tell if he really believed what he was saying or not, but, LET ME TELL YOU, his assertive, funny, "shoulder shrug" attitude put an immediate stop to any further teasing on the subject more or less. Instead, classmates seem to think him cool and, I guess, "above it all."
.....
"Depantsing" occured in the Jr. H.S. grades in the Forties and Fifties when I was in those grades. It certainly wasn't a common occurrence by any means, but it happened.
And I remember each boy carrying it off as you describe, and that was the end of it.
I can't help but wonder if the bigger deal that parents make out of it, and the more people they involve, the more likely it is to leave a negative imprint on the kid.
So many contemporary adults seem to think that by making a hullabaloo about a kid being a victim is going to make him less of a victim, I seriously wonder if this hasn't exactly the opposite effect. The Big Stink enshrines the kid permanently in his memory and that of his peers as a Public Victim/Martyr.
"Depantsing" occured in the Jr. H.S. grades in the Forties and Fifties when I was in those grades. It certainly wasn't a common occurrence by any means, but it happened.
And I remember each boy carrying it off as you describe, and that was the end of it.
I can't help but wonder if the bigger deal that parents make out of it, and the more people they involve, the more likely it is to leave a negative imprint on the kid.
So many contemporary adults seem to think that by making a hullabaloo about a kid being a victim is going to make him less of a victim, I seriously wonder if this hasn't exactly the opposite effect. The Big Stink enshrines the kid permanently in his memory and that of his peers as a Public Victim/Martyr.
There are situations where big intervention is absolutely called for, like if kid is being relentlessly persecuted. But it one off events like this, I absolutely agree that involving adults or even worse the legal system is not going to help the kid. What would have been forgotten in two days is now the talk of the school and the town. The kid no longer has an identity apart from 'the victim who got his pants pulled down'
I had an incident in high school where I fought with one of the biggest bullies in the school. Basically he wore a shirt with a very bigoted message on it. I told him if he wore it again I would go to the principal. He wore it again, so I did. Afterward he told me that he was going to make my life a living h*ll for the rest of the year.
If my parents had gotten involved at that point, he very likely would have. Maybe we could have gotten the legal system involved too...I shudder just thinking about it. It would have dragged on forever and gotten other kids involved and choosing sides. Instead I shrugged and told him to bring it on...and that was the end of it. He never did a single thing to me.
Now, if he had, that would have been different. Especially if there had been any violence, of course. But many times kids have short memories...if we let them.
"Depantsing" occured in the Jr. H.S. grades in the Forties and Fifties when I was in those grades. It certainly wasn't a common occurrence by any means, but it happened.
And I remember each boy carrying it off as you describe, and that was the end of it.
I can't help but wonder if the bigger deal that parents make out of it, and the more people they involve, the more likely it is to leave a negative imprint on the kid.
So many contemporary adults seem to think that by making a hullabaloo about a kid being a victim is going to make him less of a victim, I seriously wonder if this hasn't exactly the opposite effect. The Big Stink enshrines the kid permanently in his memory and that of his peers as a Public Victim/Martyr.
This isn't the 40's or 50's and I surely never heard of this and kids are CRUEL now. Many things have changed since then. I am sorry this happened and I don't think it is a little thing. Not knowing the area and kids it is impossible to say what school will be like in the fall. I would definitely speak at length with both school admin and the school board, try to build confidence in my son and let him know that if this is a further issue and he is being harassed to come to me and talk about it. Would not hurt to visit with the school counselor to see if others have went through this and how it has worked out. Hopefully the kid that did it will drop out of school because chances are his life will amount to very little in the future with his weakness in trying to win friends and attention by making a fool of himself!
Hopefully the kid that did it will drop out of school because chances are his life will amount to very little in the future with his weakness in trying to win friends and attention by making a fool of himself!
The kid is 13 years old. While he should not have done something so mean and humiliating to another kid, his entire life shouldn't be wrecked over it. Yes, he deserves to be punished. And I'm sure he will be in more ways than one - by the school, by his parents and by his peers.
I think the OP and her son have done an outstanding job dealing with this. With any luck, the bully's parents are doing their jobs, too.
This isn't the 40's or 50's and I surely never heard of this and kids are CRUEL now. Many things have changed since then. I am sorry this happened and I don't think it is a little thing. Not knowing the area and kids it is impossible to say what school will be like in the fall. I would definitely speak at length with both school admin and the school board, try to build confidence in my son and let him know that if this is a further issue and he is being harassed to come to me and talk about it. Would not hurt to visit with the school counselor to see if others have went through this and how it has worked out. Hopefully the kid that did it will drop out of school because chances are his life will amount to very little in the future with his weakness in trying to win friends and attention by making a fool of himself!
We don't know anything about this kid. We don't know if this is a pattern or a moment of weakness in succumbing to peer pressure. We don't know how his home life is.
He might apologize to the OP's kid the next time they meet and be sincerely regretful. Hoping he drops out of school and makes nothing of himself seems a pretty heavy judgement for a child who made a mistake. A cruel mistake, yes, but adults have done far, far worse and gone on to make amends and help many.
This isn't the 40's or 50's and I surely never heard of this and kids are CRUEL now. Many things have changed since then. I am sorry this happened and I don't think it is a little thing. Not knowing the area and kids it is impossible to say what school will be like in the fall. I would definitely speak at length with both school admin and the school board, try to build confidence in my son and let him know that if this is a further issue and he is being harassed to come to me and talk about it. Would not hurt to visit with the school counselor to see if others have went through this and how it has worked out. Hopefully the kid that did it will drop out of school because chances are his life will amount to very little in the future with his weakness in trying to win friends and attention by making a fool of himself!
Kids have always done stupid things. Kids are no more cruel than they were 100 years ago. I have a hobby of combing old newspapers from the previous century. Change the dates and typeset and you'd swear you were reading a paper from today. Kids just do stupid things because they are kids.
Wishing a kid a bad life for something relatively innocuous is really immature and mean-spirited.
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