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Old 05-22-2012, 07:39 AM
 
510 posts, read 1,547,613 times
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My 7th grade son is home today crying from embarrassment. A boy was dared to pull his pants down in the gym in front of all his classmates-boys and girls. Yes his underwear also came down.

The boy got two days suspension, but what should I do about my son.
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Old 05-22-2012, 07:45 AM
 
Location: Geneva, IL
12,976 posts, read 11,788,166 times
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Most teenagers end up doing something stupid as the result of peer pressure, it's just the severity that varies.

I would say all you can do is turn this into a teachable moment. Reinforce that a moment of silly shenanigans is going to have a lasting impact, and being egged on by peers to do something he knew was wrong ended up hurting him more than them. No one will forget this, there will be teasing and laughing for a while, but he did not hurt anyone. He is not hurt, apart from his pride.
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Old 05-22-2012, 08:00 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,434 posts, read 41,608,566 times
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I think more is hurt than his pride. His confidence has been attacked and he is probably afraid this might be repeated. This is a prime example of bullying and a lot more than "silly shenanigans". Some could call it sexual harassment and I'm sure in some schools it would bring a lot more than 2 days suspension.

I hope he has the strength to eventually go back to school with his head held high. If others continue to tease him and make his life miserable then you have to take it to your school's principal or school board. This could just be the beginning of a wave of bullying directed towards your child. I wish you good luck.
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Old 05-22-2012, 08:03 AM
 
Location: Geneva, IL
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Wait, I thought he pulled his own pants down. Am I mistaken?

If someone else pulled his pants down then I agree, it's sexual assault/harassment.
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Old 05-22-2012, 08:26 AM
 
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I wouldn't label it as sexual assault or sexual harrassment. That is a little much IMHO. Yes, de-pantsing is utterly embarrassing when it is done to you and I think the school did the right thing in suspending the boy for two days

Use the moment to teach your son that some people can be complete asses and only get joy when humiliating others. Also let him know that he is going to have plenty of other embarrassing moments throughout school, just as his other classmates will. Some will bring it up to him over and over for the next few days, but really, they will move on. Life is about picking yourself up and moving on because if you can't move on from your embarrassing moments, how can you expect others to move past them?

Let him have his one day, but then send him back to school tomorrow
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Old 05-22-2012, 08:29 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
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That's awful. I feel very bad for your son. There's nothing that can undo what happened. All I can suggest is that time heals all wounds and summer is right around the corner.
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Old 05-22-2012, 08:47 AM
 
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I feel so bad for him.

Make sure he knows he's the victim of someone else's stupidity and meanness. Reinforce that he did nothing wrong and has nothing to be ashamed of. Make sure he understands that the people who should be embarassed are the people who did this.

It will be hard, but I hope you can get him to understand that, while embarassed - which is very natural, he has no reason to be shamed. That belongs to the perpetrators.

(I'd also be having a talk with the school to make sure that they help reinforce this attitude. The students need to know that this behavior is NOT going to be tolerated and is in no way funny or a joke.)

IMO the kid who did this should be made to apologize to your son. This kind of stuff needs to be acknowledged for the harassment it is.
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Old 05-22-2012, 09:00 AM
 
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There have been threads about similar instances before, such as this one (now closed), where the perpetrator received a much harsher punishment:

Pants pulled down at school

I think this boy got off very lightly, and that is probably due to it being a boy-on-boy prank instead of a boy-on-girl. Mixed messages being sent.

OP, I'd be really, really upset about this. If you son can, he should hold his head high and laugh off the comments. Easier said than done, I know.
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Old 05-22-2012, 09:06 AM
 
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The boy only got two days suspension? Not enough.
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Old 05-22-2012, 10:41 AM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,319,241 times
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OP: Does your son have a group of friends? It would be nice (and send a bit of a statement) if they "stood with him" when he goes back to school. They may be a bit young, but there could be a lesson for everyone in this.

1) It's not just a prank.

2) It's not acceptable.

3) We stand with the kids who are the victims, not the perpetrators.

(The more I think about this the more upset I am for your son. Tell him to hang in there.)
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