U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
 
 
Old 05-25-2012, 12:07 PM
 
13,591 posts, read 17,063,655 times
Reputation: 11706

Advertisements

Like others I would certainly have "suspected" it, but I think we would have the conversation a long time before he got to 26, especially in light of the virtual confirmation by catching him watching gay x-rated videos, because let's face it not many straight men choose to watch gay porn. Even if he didn't want to have the conversation, from that point on I would make it clear how open and supportive we would be of him no matter what his sexual orientation was.
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-25-2012, 01:50 PM
 
Location: IL
12,143 posts, read 5,964,340 times
Reputation: 11726

It Gets Better - PFLAG Mom Talks About Coming Out.avi - YouTube
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-25-2012, 02:14 PM
 
400 posts, read 245,720 times
Reputation: 410
I get the feeling from the post that the OP is not actually in this situation... as least not as the parent. It could be another family member or even the "son" posting and trying to get an idea of what the parent's reaction will/should be. As others have said reactions can really vary but if there has been no conversation up to this point it is going to be a tough one when it happens.

I could totally be wrong about that assumption too!
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-25-2012, 02:56 PM
 
Location: Arizona
1,192 posts, read 1,204,269 times
Reputation: 1477
I would have asked him a lot sooner than 26, but now that the cat is out of the back so to say, I would be completly accepting and loving. Nothing would change how I felt about him, he is my son. I would also apologize to him for making him think I would be mad or upset at him and tell him I wish he would have felt comfortable talking to me sooner.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-25-2012, 03:13 PM
 
9,717 posts, read 6,804,299 times
Reputation: 9780
Quote:
Originally Posted by 80SC View Post
He wasn't the most masculine kid growing up, was caught looking at x-rated gay pornography as a teenager, and hasn't had a serious girlfriend by age 26?

If he came to you and told you he was gay, what would go through your mind? Would you be relieved, disappointed, or both?
teenagers are curious...if he was into looking at gay porn ALL the time...I might suspect....If he came to me at 26 to tell me he was gay (I would have known long before), I would probably be both relieved and disappointed...relieved that we could talk about what's really going on in his life.....and disapointed that he didn't feel comfortable telling me for so long.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-25-2012, 04:25 PM
 
2,892 posts, read 2,758,460 times
Reputation: 4436
Start talking in terms of: are you in a "relationship," do you have a "partner," what are you looking for in a "partner."

Sometimes that neutral language can help them realize that the thought has crossed your mind, without just throwing it out there. If he responds with gender based answers, you will probably get the truth. If you get gender neutral responses, you might just need to ask, "have you ever questioned your sexual orientation?"
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-25-2012, 11:46 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
102 posts, read 172,356 times
Reputation: 215
Those factors don't necessarily add up to equal someone being gay. Perhaps he was curious, and simply watched the gay porn to fulfill his curiosity. Perhaps he is trying to get his career and life off the ground before he pursues a relationship. Perhaps he is gay. You know him best, what do you think?

I don't know where you live, but I know that where I am (down south) it's incredibly hard for most kids to come out. I live in the Bible belt, and 98% of parents tell their children early on that the gay lifestyle is incredibly sinful, and they grow up hearing how horrible it is to be gay. As a result, gay teens and young adults are terrified to come out to their parents, and they suffer a lot of self-loathing.

Down here you hear a lot of, "God didn't make anyone gay, they chose that lifestyle. They chose to live in sin and direct contradiction to the word of God." Because of this, gay kids think they are horribly sinful, disgraceful to God and their family, and they blame themselves for being gay. When they can't come to their families for comfort, they internalize all their emotions, and they begin to despise themselves. They feel that they will never be good enough to earn God's love (or to go to heaven), and they think that their parents will no longer love them if they ever find out.

I hope that if your child comes out to you, you are accepting and assure him that you will love him no matter what. I pray that you do not treat him as I have seen gay friends treated here. No human deserves to be made to feel that way.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-25-2012, 11:59 PM
 
18,868 posts, read 15,583,095 times
Reputation: 24880
Most parents "know" a child is gay. They choose to ignore it. Until the child's brings it up.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-26-2012, 06:35 AM
 
1,846 posts, read 1,483,970 times
Reputation: 2450
Jasper? Spot on! As my mother once told me..
“Every parent knows what they have, regarding their children”
I.E.
MY dear BIL..he has been with my sister for 17 years. They both had 2 kids to share, my oldest nephew and his son.
My Nephew did not like baseball he forced his son into it yet never really spent a lot of time with him, the mother was neurotic.
My nephew was not a manly boy but his size made it easy for him to play hs football. His son? Ws into drawing and photog.
Never had a g/f as my nephew has had a few.
His son? Spoke very fem. Moved very fem dressed very fem.
Talk had gotten around about his son hanging out with an older bald man in his 30’s/
His son hangs out with gay men yet his dad is in denial.
Why? His whole family downs Moderator cut: gay people! His brother made fun of his wife having a gay brother and a gay son.
The son since he has turned 21 never goe to family functions, does not know my younger nephew or my niece which are his sibs?
He has been in legal troubles as of late …going to a house party and getting in a fight because some guy called his “boy” a *** and ended up beating this guy to a pulp? And when the cops got there and tried to control the situation? His son punches an officer?
My bro in law still refuses to believe his son is gay as gay come my sister is at her wits end
Most def. a parent always knows what they have…period

Last edited by JustJulia; 05-26-2012 at 10:51 AM..
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-26-2012, 09:21 AM
 
8,606 posts, read 4,843,859 times
Reputation: 16482
If he is really gay, consider yourself lucky! My daughter is 20 and doesn't identify as gay, straight, OR bi. She keeps trying to explain what she "is" and it is so complicated I just smile and nod while wishing I had never shown her how to use the Internet...
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $84,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top