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Old 05-25-2012, 10:12 AM
 
27,662 posts, read 21,573,774 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ringo1 View Post
And I considered my job on the executive PTA board - part of my job as well. I did also work full-time so please don't think we don't all serve on boards, etc.

That said, I wouldn't let it bother me one whit what other people think I do all day.

Some people think I hang out chatting at the water cooler in an air-conditioned office and shouldn't be tired at the end of the day. They are clueless and I try to brush them off.

I, at times, felt judged for working instead of staying home.

Guess we all feel judged at times.
Absolutely true. I lived in an affluent area where most of the women stayed home. To be honest, I would have loved to be a sahm, but never had that kind of money--I was the breadwinner both before and after my divorce. Not all of the sahms sneered at the working mothers, either--I have to say most were pretty nice. There were a few, of course. And oddly enough, almost all of the Girl Scout leaders were working moms. I did have a great sahm who was the mother of one of my scouts who took care of all the council paperwork, kept spreadsheets on the computer, etc. She certainly wasn't sitting around eating bon-bons and watching soaps with Peg Bundy!

I'm pretty sure that the sahms' houses were cleaner than mine, too!

OP, there's no reason you have to apologize for your choices.

 
Old 05-25-2012, 10:18 AM
 
Location: Dallas area, Texas
1,447 posts, read 1,053,189 times
Reputation: 2231
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
What's the point in staying home if they are of school age though?
I'll bite:

I volunteer at the schools, which is very welcome in these days of school budget slaughters. I also am a flexible volunteer with with a couple of non-profits.


A biggie though, is that if a parent is home, kids are less likely to fool around sexually after school. They are also less likely to get into mischief or use drugs after school because they know that someone is home waiting for them.

Last edited by JustJulia; 05-25-2012 at 11:06 AM..
 
Old 05-25-2012, 11:50 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
22,123 posts, read 16,704,966 times
Reputation: 11622
Quote:
Originally Posted by DitsyD View Post
I'll bite:

I volunteer at the schools, which is very welcome in these days of school budget slaughters. I also am a flexible volunteer with with a couple of non-profits.


A biggie though, is that if a parent is home, kids are less likely to fool around sexually after school. They are also less likely to get into mischief or use drugs after school because they know that someone is home waiting for them.
Got any data to support that or is it speculation? I haven't read anything linking maternal working status to drug use or sexual promiscuity (I have read that both are linked to paternal involvement and that fathers are more involved when mom works though). I'd like to read those reports myself. Could you please post your source?
 
Old 05-26-2012, 12:28 AM
 
Location: West Jordan, UT
973 posts, read 1,123,533 times
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Makes me glad I live where I do now. Most in my neighborhood, on my moms group, etc, are sahm's. No matter the kids ages. My mom stopped working 3 weeks before I was born in the 70's and never went back. My dad didn't make much, we were frugal. Hubby is our bread winner too. Though, I'm not as 'wifey' as my mom is. Lol I'm thankful I'm able to not work outside the home. I am very active in my kids' school. no one in Utah has ever asked about me being a sahm. Most here are, so, maybe that's why?
 
Old 05-26-2012, 06:45 AM
 
33 posts, read 65,171 times
Reputation: 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
No. You are not unemployed. You and your husband have a partnership and it includes his out of the home job, and your in the home job of caring for the children that you have together.

I'm not fond of the term SAHM - I mean actually how much do you really stay at home? I think "I work out of my home" is an appropriate answer.

Also, I too have teens. I did work outside of the home when they were in mid to late elementary school. Part time.
When they hit middle school, DH and I both decided that it would be best for me to stay at home.

I think many woman run back to work when the first hits 8th grade and I think that's backwards.

Anyway, I work out of my home should suffice, And it's true. You have one of the hardest jobs there is!
Thanks! Working out of the home is a great answer.

I appreciate all of the support, and the reminders of why this works for us. I am an anomaly in this area, so it's great to hear about others similar to me. Maybe I'm right where I need to be at this time.
 
Old 05-26-2012, 06:49 AM
 
33 posts, read 65,171 times
Reputation: 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND View Post
I was there. I know how you feel. You actually owe no one an explanation. You are doing the most worthwhile job in the world. I have done both. Believe me, more often than not people are just jealous, and try to make you feel badly because of their own insecurity.
I cannot impress upon you enough, but being a senior citizen now and looking back here is what I recommend. This is from the heart.
No matter whether you work, or stay at home you are doing what you can do for your family. There will always be someone that will put you down no matter what. You cannot win, don't try to impress everyone, or anyone.
Do not waste your valuable energy and quality time w/ your family w/ concerns, guilt, regrets. Life honestly does go too fast. I wish I had all those times I spent doing something for someone that didn't matter because I couldn't say no. Do not waste time on frivilous non-important people. A few years down the road you won't even know them anymore. Your family and the love you share is all that matters at the end of it all. The most important thing you will ever do is build memories w/ your children. They are precious always, and even when they are grown your children will remember all the silly little fun things that Mom did w/ them. It isn't about money, it isn't about the clothes you can buy them, it is about the times you hug them, speak softly and cheer them up, the true gifts in life really are the simple things. Watch a corny family show w/ them, read books out loud together. Talk about things, share laughter. One of the things my son's and I did and still do...Go to the card section...read outloud to each other the goofy cards...it is free and it is a wonderful sharing moment. Do these type things, walks together...let your children push you in the swing....try the slide....laugh w/ them. And, here is a BIG TIP...teens really do need us, just as much as and really sometimes more than when they were small...Don't be fooled by the aloofness....it is there. There is a pay off...pure love.
You will never regret it, be a stay at home Mom...be it full heartedly!! I wish I could have been a stay at home Mom much longer but I did have to go to school, then work out of necessity. Hold your head up proudly. Next time someone asks...say. "I am fortunate enough to be able to stay home and parent full time" and leave it at that. Good luck to you
That was beautiful. So many things in your post ring true for me. I needed to hear this. Thank you for sharing!
 
Old 05-26-2012, 07:33 AM
 
Location: Dallas area, Texas
1,447 posts, read 1,053,189 times
Reputation: 2231
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Got any data to support that or is it speculation? I haven't read anything linking maternal working status to drug use or sexual promiscuity (I have read that both are linked to paternal involvement and that fathers are more involved when mom works though). I'd like to read those reports myself. Could you please post your source?
Unsupervised Teens Have More Sex

It's 3PM. Do you know where your children are after school? Why after-school activities are important for adolescents and teens.

The Risks That Children Take When Left Alone After School - Philly.com

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette - Google News Archive Search

Home Alone on a School Day - On Parenting

Latchkey kid - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Afterschool Programs. ERIC Digest.
 
Old 05-26-2012, 08:26 AM
 
9,285 posts, read 5,496,464 times
Reputation: 9281
Quote:
Originally Posted by DitsyD View Post
Seriously?

"Those who were unsupervised for at least 30 hours a week, or roughly six hours each weekday, were more likely to be sexually active compared with those left alone for no more than five hours a week."

Even in that study they found that the majority of teens were NOT left home for that long. They also found no statistical difference between kids who were left home for 4 hours a day vs those for one hour.

Additionally, being home when they are is not the sole province of a SAH parent. My daughter gets home from afterschool activities between 4:30 and 5:30. Even based on your study, most working parents kids would be fine left home for an hour a day.


Quote:
It's 3PM. Do you know where your children are after school? Why after-school activities are important for adolescents and teens.
"These same studies show that children who spend only a couple of hours per week in extracurricular after-school activities are significantly less likely to drop out of school; use tobacco, alcohol or drugs and become teen parents. Spending 5-19 hours per week in after-school activities reduced the risk even further."

Again, use of afterschool activities completely negates the need to be home while the child is at school. Additionally interesting to note that it appears after school activities are even more important than parental supervision after school in preventing drug use and teen sex.


Quote:
The Risks That Children Take When Left Alone After School - Philly.com
Another article referencing the same study from the first link. Nothing new here.

Quote:
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette - Google News Archive Search
More proof of the value of after school programs. Even over that of direct parental supervision.

Quote:
Home Alone on a School Day - On Parenting
Another article referencing the same study as another link.

Quote:
Latchkey kid - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
"children from middle class and upper class income families are no different to their supervised peers"

Ok. So we needed to be more concerned about kids from lower SES and not middle or upper class children according to your link. But again, your "sources" have shown that after school activities have a better effect than even being home with a parent.

Quote:
Afterschool Programs. ERIC Digest.
Again, another link supporting the need for after school programs. NOT direct parental supervision.

Nothing you have shown here supports the idea that a teenager of a SAH parent is less likely to engage in sex, do drugs, or have any other unfavorable outcome than a teenager of a WP who is in an after school activity (as the majority of middle class and above teens are). As a matter of fact you have shown that there is no difference for children who are only home alone for an hour a day (first link) and that the outcomes for teens who are in an after school activity are likely better than those who go straight home to a SAH parent.
 
Old 05-26-2012, 10:16 AM
 
27,662 posts, read 21,573,774 times
Reputation: 25323
My mother never worked, and my sister got pregnant after school--in the woods behind the school. Kids are going to find ways to have sex. When I lived at an apartment complex, my neighbor walked in on a teenage couple going at it on one of the washing machines in the laundry room one fine afternoon.
 
Old 05-26-2012, 12:16 PM
 
5,244 posts, read 3,090,934 times
Reputation: 1798
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3a's View Post
I tell people I do work. I am a SAHM, however, I have 3 children and there is no job out there that has a flexible work schedule for me to go back to work with children. My husband works and travels and we have no relatives to rely on if there is a child sick, kids out of school, days off or driving my children to extra curricular activities. I do work is what I would say if I did not stay home then I would be paying someone to do these things for me. Do not feel guilty about being a SAHM if you weren't then your children would be in activities or you would be paying someone to do it for you.

My issues are women that work and just had one said to me "I might need to have you take my children this summer since they will be bored at home with nothing to do". My issue here is that I decided to make sacrifices and stay at home and not take vacations like this family does, go out to eat every day, etc.

When someone comes to me and says do you work "I say yes" do not underestimate the value of a SAHM. When I have teenagers I will go back to work and need to go back to school since the work forces have changed so drastic.

Don't beat yourself up on that thought. Good Luck!
This is what I used to say too. At first, I'd go through the conversation and always got, "ooh, you are lucky..." But in the area we live in now, being a SAHM is rare so I started feeling embarrassed to say that so I would just answer "yep" and leave it at that. Now that I have gone back to work, I have guilt that the kids have to wake up early just like any other day so they can go to childcare because we have no family near us. They can't stay up late and can't sleep late, it's a whole new world for them. Oh well...I'm thankful I was able to get back into the career I left so many years ago.
In summary, do/say what makes you feel comfortable and you will probably not see that cashier again anyway and if you do he/she won't remember you. You could say you are a secret shopper and then they will act all nice to you.
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