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Old 05-26-2012, 12:44 PM
 
8,240 posts, read 14,270,501 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DitsyD View Post
I'll bite:


A biggie though, is that if a parent is home, kids are less likely to fool around sexually after school. They are also less likely to get into mischief or use drugs after school because they know that someone is home waiting for them.
I don't know any teenagers that come home at 3:30!! Most of the kids, I'd even say ALL, at our HS (it's a private prep school) have sports practices or other enrichment (play practice, art work, volunteering) after school. They're rarely home before 7! If I had a teenage kid who was on the couch at 3.30 every day, you BET I'd be here waiting for him/her!!!!

 
Old 05-26-2012, 01:46 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
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One problem with everything you posted here. Mom's working doesn't mean her kids are unsupervised after school. Mine don't even get home until 6:00. Their friends don't get home until that time either. There's always practice or a game. You'd have to have kids who aren't involved in sports and other after school activities for this to be an issue. Sorry but you failed to like maternal working status to these issues. I won't argue that teens need to be supervised, however, mom home doesn't mean they are and mom not home doesn't mean they aren't.

I'll have to see if I can dig them up but there are studies that show that fathers are more involved when mother's work and that paternal involvement does reduce teen drug use and promiscuity.
 
Old 05-26-2012, 01:54 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,267 posts, read 27,753,036 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mimimomx3 View Post
I don't know any teenagers that come home at 3:30!! Most of the kids, I'd even say ALL, at our HS (it's a private prep school) have sports practices or other enrichment (play practice, art work, volunteering) after school. They're rarely home before 7! If I had a teenage kid who was on the couch at 3.30 every day, you BET I'd be here waiting for him/her!!!!
Interestingly, it's my tean I have had the most time to supervise I have the issues with (she attends the school where I teach so she has been supervised after school all along) and it's not after school that is the problem. It's her being where she says she'll be at other times.

My dd who could be described as a latch key kid since she was 11 is a model teen. (Except she likes to spend money a BIT too much ). However, she, rarely comes home at 3:30. Even if she doesn't have practice or a game there's something going on somewhere.

Our issues with dd#1 started during a time when she was NOT involved in band or sports. I don't have any data, but as a teacher and a parent, I think involvement in sports and activities like band trump whether or not a child is a latch key kid by a mile. I think it's the fact dd#2 has been involved all along that has kept her on the straight and narrow and I've seen a remarkable turn around (not perfect but MUCH better) in dd#1 since she joined marching band and started playing sports.

I think peer pressure is stronger than parental supervision. Dd#1 got in with the wrong crowd because she was not involved in the right acitivities. She's always been my "I CAN'T" kid. She never put the effort in to see if she could actually do something. She still does but her band director and her coach have been wonderful influences on her. She's not first chair and she rarely actually plays in a game but just belonging to these activities has has a positive impact on her. I still don't trust her as far as I can throw her and she still manages to do things we don't approve of (that get her butt grounded...I swear, if there's a will, there's a way and they will find the time) but she has goals now and peers who have goals. I am worried about being the first of my WM friends to have a pregnant dd though. She made a comment the other day that if you were going to screw up and get pregnant in high school, at least do it at the end so it doesn't mess up graduation. She's my quitter kid and the fact that a baby would give her reason to not go on to college...to quit before she starts...is VERY SCARY. Seriously, unless you hand cuff yourself to them 24 x 7, they'll find trouble if they want to. I WISH the after school hours were magical as so many seem to believe. Even as a WM, I've managed to be there during those. It seems to be the other 158 hours per week I'm struggling with.

Trust me, I'm with my dd after school, I'm off during the summers and school vacatations and I'm still fighting what may be a losing battle. Then there's my dd who goes to a different school who I don't even see until 6:00. The only thing I worry about with her is her coming home by herself so we installed a monitored alarm on the house. For all this talk about being there after school being magic, why is it it's my kid I am there after school with who is the issue?

I think if you have a kid who is involved, it doesn't matter whether you're home waiting for them or not and if you have a kid who is not involved, you may have your hands full even if you are there to supervise them after school. With the exception of one year, I have been there after school with dd#1. During that one year, neighbors kept an eye on her. It wasn't the time immediately after school that was the problem. I don't know why people think that supervision after school is the be all end all...We're talking 10 hours per week. Trust me, teens have WAY more time than that to find trouble if they are inclined to do so. I know better than to think THOSE hours are magical. They aren't. And as dd#2 says, "Why would I do anything during those hours I wouldn't do during any other hours?".

Unless you are supervising your teens 24 x 7, trust me, if they want to, they'll find trouble, whether you stay at home, whether you work, and whether you drive your child to work every day with you like I do. The two teen births we've had in our area this year are both dd's of SAHM's. I'm not sure about the current girl rounding out her white trash resume (as the kids at dd's school put it). I think she's from a troubled family. It sounds like she's been screwed up for a while (she's a 16 year old 9th grader).

Last edited by Ivorytickler; 05-26-2012 at 02:15 PM..
 
Old 05-26-2012, 02:07 PM
 
Location: here
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mimimomx3 View Post
I don't know any teenagers that come home at 3:30!! Most of the kids, I'd even say ALL, at our HS (it's a private prep school) have sports practices or other enrichment (play practice, art work, volunteering) after school. They're rarely home before 7! If I had a teenage kid who was on the couch at 3.30 every day, you BET I'd be here waiting for him/her!!!!
I know plenty.
 
Old 05-26-2012, 02:22 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
I know plenty.
I think that has a lot to do with demographics. It may not be whether a parent is home at all but SES that issues are linked to. Logically, kids from lower SES are less likely to be involved in activities like band and sports (cost). They are most likely to be the ones who are coming home to an empty house at 3:30.

And, as I posted before, my dd#1 is living proof that supervision after school is not enough when you have a child who is determined to find trouble. I will breathe the biggest sigh of relief if we make it to graduation without her getting pregnant. I fear she may see a baby as the easy way. And if she makes that decision, short of hand cuffing her to me 24 x 7, I'm going to bet she MAKES the opportunity some time during her senior year.

It's not 3:30 to 5:30 we need to worry about. Kids aren't apt to do anything during those hours they wouldn't during the other 158 hours in the week. I would bet that SES, however, is tied to who is and who is not supervised during those hours. You have higher teen drug use rates and pregnancy rates among lower SES.
 
Old 05-26-2012, 02:53 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
I know plenty.
I'm sure you do, and I sincerely hope those kids are being supervised somewhere. All I can tell you is that's a problem at our school that kids DONT get home earlier. Different experiences, obviously.
 
Old 05-26-2012, 03:03 PM
 
Location: here
23,596 posts, read 26,294,747 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
I think that has a lot to do with demographics. It may not be whether a parent is home at all but SES that issues are linked to. Logically, kids from lower SES are less likely to be involved in activities like band and sports (cost). They are most likely to be the ones who are coming home to an empty house at 3:30.

And, as I posted before, my dd#1 is living proof that supervision after school is not enough when you have a child who is determined to find trouble. I will breathe the biggest sigh of relief if we make it to graduation without her getting pregnant. I fear she may see a baby as the easy way. And if she makes that decision, short of hand cuffing her to me 24 x 7, I'm going to bet she MAKES the opportunity some time during her senior year.

It's not 3:30 to 5:30 we need to worry about. Kids aren't apt to do anything during those hours they wouldn't during the other 158 hours in the week. I would bet that SES, however, is tied to who is and who is not supervised during those hours. You have higher teen drug use rates and pregnancy rates among lower SES.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mimimomx3 View Post
I'm sure you do, and I sincerely hope those kids are being supervised somewhere. All I can tell you is that's a problem at our school that kids DONT get home earlier. Different experiences, obviously.
All I was trying to say is that not ALL kids have after school activities EVERY day all school year long. That's all. Most teens I know are pretty busy, but I also see quite a few walking home after school, around 3:30-4:00. Even the ones who are in sports have off seasons.
 
Old 05-26-2012, 05:00 PM
 
Location: USA
1,884 posts, read 3,855,920 times
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Quote:
It seems that everywhere- the grocery store, the dentist, the hair salon, I am asked "Are you off work today?"
I would reply, "Nope, I work every day taking care of my family." If they continue asking questions - ask them why they want to know.

You and your husband don't require any random stranger's approval. As long as you and your husband are on the same page and happy, that is all that matters.

IMHO, you should be proud of yourself.....never be ashamed.

You owe them nothing....
 
Old 05-26-2012, 05:55 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,267 posts, read 27,753,036 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
All I was trying to say is that not ALL kids have after school activities EVERY day all school year long. That's all. Most teens I know are pretty busy, but I also see quite a few walking home after school, around 3:30-4:00. Even the ones who are in sports have off seasons.
I don't think kids do bad things just because they come home at 3:30. I think if they're inclined to do bad things, they'll do them at 3:30 if they come home at 3:30 but won't if they aren't inclined and if they are inclined, even if mom is home at 3:30, I think they'll figure out how to do what they want to do if they have to sneak out the window in the middle of the night. I don't think we have a causal relationship here.

I do suspect that lower SES (linked with higher rates of drug usage and teen pregnancies) kids would be more likely to be latch key kids. I think this is coincidence. Correlation does not equal causation.

One cannot assume that because mom works the child is unsupervised and one cannot assume a child who is unsupervised is going to do bad things. My more supervised child is the one I struggle with. I hardly pay attention to her sister who runs the neighborhood. I don't have to.

I do think there is something to keeping kids busy though. Marching band and sports have done wonders for dd. I'm still worried for her and will be for a few years to come but these things help way more than my being home when she comes home from school.
 
Old 05-26-2012, 05:57 PM
 
Location: Texas
41,057 posts, read 45,358,816 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunisgreat View Post
I was a successful businesswoman before leaving my career to stay home. I want to return to work, but won't be able to until we have another driver in the family. The timing isn't conducive to returning right now.

Should I just say I'm unemployed?
What?! NO.

Being a SAHM who works her fingers to the bone running a household and driving her kids around all over the place is nothing to be ashamed of or feel weird about.

Raising good kids is a tough job that takes a lot of attention. Kudos to you for making the though CHOICE to be at home doing this work.

I wish more families would give up the unnecessary toys and crap they think they NEED and let one parent really tend to the home, hearth, and children.
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