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Old 05-24-2012, 04:27 PM
 
2,145 posts, read 2,335,870 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
See this is the part I don't get.

I agree whole heartedly with the statement for SAH parents of preschoolers right through grade schoolers but not with teenagers. They are literally out of the house for a huge chunk of the day. Many of them more than 8 hours a day.

Not that I think it is anyone's business to tell anyone else what to do with their time but saying that a SAHM of kids who are in high school has the same responsibilities and workload as a SAHM with toddlers just seems factually wrong to me. I mean where is the line? Are you a SAHM "on the clock" once they are in college? What if the kids go to school and have a job of their own, are you really still putting in the hours other SAHMs are?
There are still a HUGE set of responsibilities. Back and forth between practices, after school activities, MORE laundry (older kids make more dirty clothes!) and they eat more so more dirty dishes! More homework. Just because a kid grows up beyond the age of 7, doesn't mean that the parenting stops. There is still cleaning the house (I would rather clean the bathroom up after a toddler than a teenager ANY day of the week), grocery shopping, laundry, cooking, cleaning floors, making sure homework is done... the day doesn't end.

 
Old 05-24-2012, 04:28 PM
 
2,145 posts, read 2,335,870 times
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And great, just when I thought I had enough of the SAHM vs WMs, I guess now it is the SAHMs of teenagers vs SAHM of toddlers/infants? AHHH!!
 
Old 05-24-2012, 04:29 PM
 
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I'm not offended by what lkb has written. The fact is that having older children has freed up a lot of time for me to pursue my own interests, and it's wonderful!
 
Old 05-24-2012, 04:29 PM
 
8,012 posts, read 3,952,349 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
I mean where is the line?
We need a line?
 
Old 05-24-2012, 04:37 PM
 
33 posts, read 65,256 times
Reputation: 32
Thank you for the replies. I don't know why I suddenly feel so sensitive- age? Hormones? We moved to this area 3 years ago, and there are very few sahms. There were many more where we moved from. In addition, so many of my kids' classmates are either only children or have 2 children in the family. Our family of 5 is somewhat unusual. We are near a big city with a university. There are many professors and health care professionals.

I should remind myself of the kids' special school-day functions that I wouldn't otherwise be able to attend. The kids are off school tomorrow and I'm glad to have the time to spend with them while I can-time goes so fast it won't be long when they won't want to be with me. Sports camps are just around the corner and they need transportation. We have no family in the area, and I wouldn't feel right relying on someone else anyway.

My days are filled with drop-off, pick-up, going to the gym, bills, budgeting, laundry, toilet cleaning (wheeee!), vacuuming, mopping, lawncare in the summer, shoveling in the winter, grocery shopping, picking up a sick kid if needed, take one to study club, another to sports practice, another to their games, etc. As the kids get bigger-so do the tasks-much more volume in groceries, laundry, clutter, etc. Certainly not mentally challenging, but time-consuming. I also volunteer at school. The school for the younger two is not publicly funded and we rely on volunteers for a few different things. I'm glad to help.

My days are plenty busy, I was just wondering how to respond to those who seem puzzled by my choice. I know some are just conversing. Either way, I'm always polite and never offended. I just got to thinking this time. I know in due time I"ll be able to have a professional title again.

Again, thanks for the support & reassurance. I think moving has been a big adjustment. This area is so different from where we moved from. I wouldn't have guessed.

Best of luck to all mothers everywhere.
 
Old 05-24-2012, 04:54 PM
 
1,471 posts, read 934,606 times
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Whether someone stays home or not is not a big deal to me, or anything to judge someone over. If it's a choice that someone makes that is not harming anyone, more power to them. I do think that some sahm's (no one in particular here, just saying) tend to exaggerate what they do, or perhaps overwork themselves so as not to feel guilty. Yes, there is housework, homework, cooking, shopping. and laundry, but it seems the load should decrease as children get older and can do more for themselves, and help out around the house with dishes, laundry, yardwork, etc. If I was a sahm of teenagers, I personally would have NO problem telling people what I did what my time...got a mani and pedi, a massage, went to the gym, relaxed on the deck, went to my book club meeting, then cooked dinner, relaxed with hubby while the kids clean the kitchen, help with homework if necessary, then spend the rest of the evening enjoying my family while being relaxed and nonstressed. If they don't approve, who cares? I bet a a million dollars they would love to do the same if they could. The disapproval is really sour grapes, imo.

If someone has the financial means to not work, enjoy it! I don't see the reason to be the martyr of housework. There is nothing wrong with enjoying life, and teaching teenagers to be responsible for themselves and the household as well.
 
Old 05-24-2012, 05:44 PM
 
Location: IL
12,145 posts, read 5,974,330 times
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I was at a social event today with primarily working mothers, and the topic of conversation turned to the mommy wars. The overwhelming sentiment was that all were very grateful that in our little neck of the woods parents are very supportive of one another and the choices moms make for their families, and the mommy wars are pretty much irrelevant in our daily lives. For that I am extremely grateful.
 
Old 05-24-2012, 06:35 PM
 
9,285 posts, read 5,504,213 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jkcoop View Post
You think there needs to be a line? Who cares that the responsibilities aren't the same? Of course they aren't - they shift. You make it sound like SAHM's of toddlers have more of a right to SAH than those who have teens.
Right? Anyone who can afford to stay at home certainly has every right to.

That isn't my point, nor is it what I said. SAHM can be a full time job, but it isn't for most SAHMs of teenagers.
 
Old 05-24-2012, 06:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NEOhioBound View Post
There are still a HUGE set of responsibilities. Back and forth between practices, after school activities, MORE laundry (older kids make more dirty clothes!) and they eat more so more dirty dishes! More homework. Just because a kid grows up beyond the age of 7, doesn't mean that the parenting stops. There is still cleaning the house (I would rather clean the bathroom up after a toddler than a teenager ANY day of the week), grocery shopping, laundry, cooking, cleaning floors, making sure homework is done... the day doesn't end.
I raised 4 teenagers, at the same time.

It is not nearly the same amount of work, in anyway as raising four pre-schoolers. And, I don't care if this part sounds bad at all, teenagers SHOULD be helping clean up after themselves. Parents, stay at home or otherwise, are doing their teenagers no service by doing their laundry, cleaning their bathrooms, washing all of their dishes, or checking their homework. They are TEENAGERS after all.
 
Old 05-24-2012, 06:43 PM
 
9,285 posts, read 5,504,213 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
We need a line?
Yes, there is definitely a line where it is no longer a full time job to care for ones children. Claiming otherwise is a recipe for disaster.

I am not sure where exactly that line starts but I know for a fact SAHM is no longer a full time job for most teenagers.

Look, it is a perfectly valid choice for anyone who has the means to stay at home, for however long they and their families want to. That does not make it a full time job. My aunt was in a financial position to stay at home her whole life. She is the first one to admit that as her children got older, less time was involved with their care. She found lots of other meaningful productive things to do. But she also admits that her mothering duties were not full time work for teenagers who were out of the house for more hours than they were in it.
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