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Old 05-24-2012, 07:53 PM
 
2,779 posts, read 4,191,695 times
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I'd say parents in general are on the clock

 
Old 05-24-2012, 07:56 PM
 
Location: here
23,591 posts, read 26,253,563 times
Reputation: 28005
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
Yes, there is definitely a line where it is no longer a full time job to care for ones children. Claiming otherwise is a recipe for disaster.

I am not sure where exactly that line starts but I know for a fact SAHM is no longer a full time job for most teenagers.

Look, it is a perfectly valid choice for anyone who has the means to stay at home, for however long they and their families want to. That does not make it a full time job. My aunt was in a financial position to stay at home her whole life. She is the first one to admit that as her children got older, less time was involved with their care. She found lots of other meaningful productive things to do. But she also admits that her mothering duties were not full time work for teenagers who were out of the house for more hours than they were in it.
The "line" is going to vary from family to family. Obviously "you" don't get to draw the line for "me."
 
Old 05-24-2012, 07:56 PM
 
9,047 posts, read 13,610,425 times
Reputation: 14120
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunisgreat View Post
I'm a sahm of 3 - two teens and one pre-teen. s always "How old are your kids?" Then I'm uncomfortable replying that theyIt seems that everywhere- the grocery store, the dentist, the hair salon, I am asked "Are you off work today?" When I say I'm a sahm, the next question i're school-age. I know they're just making conversation and not being nosy, but I can't help feeling judged somehow.

I probably shouldn't feel embarrassed, but I do. My husband and I made this choice together a few mos after the 2nd one was born. I'm still busy even though they're not toddlers anymore. There's piles of laundry, chauffering, early dismissal days, and the kids don't get bussing-so daily pick-up and drop-off. Then there's sports, and sports camps during the summer that the kids want to partcipate in. I also workout and run. Being home allows me to get all of the errands done during the day, instead of cutting into time when we're all home together.

I was a successful businesswoman before leaving my career to stay home. I want to return to work, but won't be able to until we have another driver in the family. The timing isn't conducive to returning right now.

Should I just say I'm unemployed?

What gripes me is, why do people always grill you about things that are none of their business? I got soooo sick of being grilled in the grocery store. They either cooed over my kids, or grilled me when I didn't have them with me. Meanwhile, they were making all sorts of mistakes ringing me up. Same with the hairdresser, they babble so much, then don't do your hair right. My favorite hairdresser is a little Asian lady who doesn't speak much English, she just cuts hair! And why do dentists keep talking, expecting you to answer, when you have a mouth full of stuff


All that talk adds up to less action! I changed grocery stores to one farther away, but the cashiers weren't so nosy!

For the OP, if asked are you off work today, just say you're on a break!
 
Old 05-24-2012, 07:57 PM
 
4,267 posts, read 4,835,483 times
Reputation: 3579
Quote:
Originally Posted by hml1976 View Post
I'd say parents in general are on the clock
Yep.
 
Old 05-24-2012, 07:58 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,266 posts, read 27,714,863 times
Reputation: 14314
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
Yes, there is definitely a line where it is no longer a full time job to care for ones children. Claiming otherwise is a recipe for disaster.

I am not sure where exactly that line starts but I know for a fact SAHM is no longer a full time job for most teenagers.

Look, it is a perfectly valid choice for anyone who has the means to stay at home, for however long they and their families want to. That does not make it a full time job. My aunt was in a financial position to stay at home her whole life. She is the first one to admit that as her children got older, less time was involved with their care. She found lots of other meaningful productive things to do. But she also admits that her mothering duties were not full time work for teenagers who were out of the house for more hours than they were in it.
I'm finding that parenting is no longer a full time job with teenagers. Even with a full time job, I find I have a lot more free time now that they're more self sufficient. It's good though. I can see that this is preparing me for when they'll be gone. Because there is so much less work to do now, as a parent, I'm kind of easing in to them not being here every day.

Mine are 14 and 16. When they move out, my work load will actually go up because they won't be here to do their chores. I haven't had to pick up after them, do their laundry or help them with homework for years. Now that they're in high school, there's no more volunteering as a room mom or chaperoning field trips. Interestingly, I miss those days yet I remember feeling so overwhelmed with everything back then. It's, definitely, like going from full time work to part time work. Suddenly, you have this time you don't know what to do with (so why not post on CD, lol)
 
Old 05-24-2012, 08:03 PM
 
Location: Denver area
20,342 posts, read 20,362,671 times
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I'm continually fascinated by people, educated ones at that, who cannot fathom that their personal experience may not be representative of the experience or situations of others.
 
Old 05-24-2012, 08:05 PM
 
Location: here
23,591 posts, read 26,253,563 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
I'm continually fascinated by people, educated ones at that, who cannot fathom that their personal experience may not be representative of the experience or situations of others.
as am I.
 
Old 05-24-2012, 09:03 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 3,722,979 times
Reputation: 1886
Quote:
Originally Posted by hml1976 View Post
Well since its been brought up here is what I do with my time.

I am the vice president of my kids school board
I write newsletters and email marketing campaigns for a nonprofit.
I volunteer at the school weekly
I cook meals from scratch most of the time
I handle all financials/household stuff/extracurricular activities/homework
I also take writing classes at the community college nearby but that's for fun

As somebodynew pointed out there is no reason financially for me to work so I don't and enjoy it.
I too am a SAHM, my kids are in 1st & 4th, so obviously gone all day...
I always feel judged by people but, my husband travels frequently, I have absolutely no family around to help me with babysitting or picking up my kids from this or that because I am working. We also live in an area with no bussing ( we are within the alloted walking proximity) so, I take and pick up from school.
It is extremely difficult to find a paying job with flexible hours to accomodate what I would need.
THIS is what I do all week:
** in addition to all the normal household duties...
(cooking,cleaning,laundry, finances)
** I volunteer in my children's school and also chair a committee on the PTA
** I volunteer in a non-profit office 2 days a week (12 hours total usually)
** I volunteer in a soup kitchen 3x a month
** I help with my daughter's girl scout troop
THIS is what I DO NOT do:
** go out to lunch every day
** get manicures or pedicures ( except 1 each Summer)
** go on vacations or even out to dinner with my husband- except when my parents visit every 5 months or so
** watch tv all day

I have made sacrifices to stay at home and it is what works best for OUR family.
 
Old 05-24-2012, 09:10 PM
 
14,321 posts, read 16,140,265 times
Reputation: 21094
I was there. I know how you feel. You actually owe no one an explanation. You are doing the most worthwhile job in the world. I have done both. Believe me, more often than not people are just jealous, and try to make you feel badly because of their own insecurity.
I cannot impress upon you enough, but being a senior citizen now and looking back here is what I recommend. This is from the heart.
No matter whether you work, or stay at home you are doing what you can do for your family. There will always be someone that will put you down no matter what. You cannot win, don't try to impress everyone, or anyone.
Do not waste your valuable energy and quality time w/ your family w/ concerns, guilt, regrets. Life honestly does go too fast. I wish I had all those times I spent doing something for someone that didn't matter because I couldn't say no. Do not waste time on frivilous non-important people. A few years down the road you won't even know them anymore. Your family and the love you share is all that matters at the end of it all. The most important thing you will ever do is build memories w/ your children. They are precious always, and even when they are grown your children will remember all the silly little fun things that Mom did w/ them. It isn't about money, it isn't about the clothes you can buy them, it is about the times you hug them, speak softly and cheer them up, the true gifts in life really are the simple things. Watch a corny family show w/ them, read books out loud together. Talk about things, share laughter. One of the things my son's and I did and still do...Go to the card section...read outloud to each other the goofy cards...it is free and it is a wonderful sharing moment. Do these type things, walks together...let your children push you in the swing....try the slide....laugh w/ them. And, here is a BIG TIP...teens really do need us, just as much as and really sometimes more than when they were small...Don't be fooled by the aloofness....it is there. There is a pay off...pure love.
You will never regret it, be a stay at home Mom...be it full heartedly!! I wish I could have been a stay at home Mom much longer but I did have to go to school, then work out of necessity. Hold your head up proudly. Next time someone asks...say. "I am fortunate enough to be able to stay home and parent full time" and leave it at that. Good luck to you

Quote:
Originally Posted by sunisgreat View Post
I'm a sahm of 3 - two teens and one pre-teen. It seems that everywhere- the grocery store, the dentist, the hair salon, I am asked "Are you off work today?" When I say I'm a sahm, the next question is always "How old are your kids?" Then I'm uncomfortable replying that they're school-age. I know they're just making conversation and not being nosy, but I can't help feeling judged somehow.

I probably shouldn't feel embarrassed, but I do. My husband and I made this choice together a few mos after the 2nd one was born. I'm still busy even though they're not toddlers anymore. There's piles of laundry, chauffering, early dismissal days, and the kids don't get bussing-so daily pick-up and drop-off. Then there's sports, and sports camps during the summer that the kids want to partcipate in. I also workout and run. Being home allows me to get all of the errands done during the day, instead of cutting into time when we're all home together.

I was a successful businesswoman before leaving my career to stay home. I want to return to work, but won't be able to until we have another driver in the family. The timing isn't conducive to returning right now.

Should I just say I'm unemployed?
 
Old 05-24-2012, 09:12 PM
 
2,779 posts, read 4,191,695 times
Reputation: 4991
Funny, I actually sat down and watched a documentary on HBO the other afternoon because I hurt my back and needed to lay down. I can honestly say that it may be the first adult tv I've ever watched during the day.

I do get pedicures occasionally though and I do go out to dinner with my spouse and friends often.
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