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My kids take Tae Kwon Do. They are learning how to defend themselves and block attacks, and they are also taught to get out if/when the opportunity arises rather than continue to fight just to win.
I think I agree with SCGranny most.
This is not about teaching violence it is about teaching our children that it is okay to defend themselves or those that HAVE NO VOICE. I feel if this happened more? There would be less counts of bullying.
You know letting bullies know that their victims may not stick up for themselves but there are those who will for them.
It takes one kid from the football team, the popular kid and so forth to set the tone and there it goes.
My son tells me he sticks up for this kid in his P.E. class who is “slow” and I wish I could be 15 again for a day…grrr
I agree. And for all the antibullying talk put out by schools, the system doesn't always work out how it should.
If you are cornered, physically restrained or put in a chokehold. you need to have an idea of some strategies you might use to get away.
It's not a joke. A parent's son or daughter is a reflection of him/her. Suicide is serious business. And it has a direct dependence on the goings-on in the house, prior to the event.
The school bullying is just a trigger which invokes this demon and makes it do irreparable damage.
Strong parenting causes the child to get through the problem.
Of course, we aren't talking about special needs children, children who were born with infirmities.
I think the same can be said for parents of bullies according to your theory. Some parents are aware of what is happening to their child. The schools are no help and oftentimes parents aren't aware of who the bully is. If they were, I guarantee there would be more face to face confrontation between the bully and his victims parents.
The biggest bullies happen to be parents to other parents.
It's called parental bullying. Hey look, I just got my son an Audi roadster. You work at the grocery store, right? It's a shame you can't come to my country club or we will get to know each other. Have a wonderful day.
I chose the option of "walk away" because I do not condone violence. I was a shy girl in school, but i had a very sharp tongue, so when i was bullied, i just gave it right back to them with harsh words that embarrassed them infront of their friends. Worked well for me. In my years on this earth (today is actually my birthday, so yay, minor celebration), I have NEVER hit anyone before. I dont know what it feels like to punch someone.
I'm not of the don't hit back crowd, but I did the same as you in middle school to my bully and it ended up doing the trick. He never had good comebacks when I turned the tables on him. I also made friends with a few of his friends and because we got along so well, they let him know they didn't appreciate him picking on me and the bullying stopped soon after. My mom taught me that tactic I passed it along to my daughter as well and she got the chance to use it. She also had some good friends who stood up for her. She was picked on in kindergarten and first grade. She's in 3rd now and will be in 4th next term and no more bullying at this time. Her k-1st grade bully has been trying to be friends with her now.
As a child, I had a serious conflict between the values that I was taught at home and those that I learned at church. My mother and father were both bullies, so there was no point in my telling them that I was bullied at school. They would have just ridiculed me for not standing up for myself. I was another shy, quiet, nerdy kid--the type that bullies just loved to pick on. I was also much younger than the other children in the class, which accentuated the fact that I was small for my age.
My problem was that at church they taught me that Jesus said to turn the other cheek. It was also during the era of the non-violent anti-war and civil rights protests, so the don't hit back technique that I saw on TV was very influential. The most memorable time that I used that method was when the biggest overage bully in the eighth grade called me a racial slur, n---er-lover. I stared him straight in the eyes (difficult because he was a good foot-and-a-half taller than me) and said to him, "Jesus said to love everyone. Don't you?" I don't remember exactly what happened next, but I know that he and his minions did not jump on me. Of course, I never told my parents.
It's strange to me how many people can teach their children to follow the teachings of Christ except when it becomes dangerous or inconvenient for them. I learned the word hypocrite at around the same time, so I did quit expecting people to act on what they claimed their beliefs were. I never actually got beaten up, even though I was still teased for being odd. Maybe I was just too weird and took the fun out of it for the bullies.
As a parent, I would have liked to have taught my children to do the same as I, but they didn't have the same temperament as me. So the compromise was, when there is an adult-in-charge, tell him. If not, you need to be able to defend yourself. In fact, the only times in my life that I have ever been motivated to violence was on my children's behalf. Fortunately they are grown now, and I never had to go to blows for them. Ironically, it was our son who was the bully, and we did not tolerate that one tiny bit. Now that he is grown, he thanks us for standing our ground with him, too.
I'm curious about whether other parents have had to deal with a child who wouldn't fight back. What do you tell a child who really believes in non-violence as his basic philosophy?
I think the same can be said for parents of bullies according to your theory. Some parents are aware of what is happening to their child. The schools are no help and oftentimes parents aren't aware of who the bully is. If they were, I guarantee there would be more face to face confrontation between the bully and his victims parents.
I think it is important (and I have stated in multiple threads) that children be empowered to defend themselves and resolve their own conflict. This can be done through physical and verbal means, with the physical only being reserved for when the bullying itself is physical. People like to say that it is about "self-confidence" and building self-confidence. However, an important component to self-confidence is being empowered and able to defend yourself and resolve situations on your own.
Our current beliefs in regards to bullying is to punish the bullies. This only results in more creative bullying, not a cessation of bullying. We also teach our kids to seek out an adult or authority figure to protect them from a bully. All this does is reinforce to a child that they are incapable of defending themselves. They rely on adults to shield and protect them, but eventually there will be a time when there are no adults to shield and protect them and they will need to be able to deal with the situation on their own. One of the worst things many parents do in terms of "bully proofing" their kids is assume that THEY, the parent, can protect their child. They can't and in trying to be the protector, they are actually unempowering their child to defend themselves and leaving them vulnerable to the same thing they were trying to protect them from.
Last edited by JustJulia; 06-07-2012 at 01:11 PM..
Reason: As stated previously, please discuss suicide in the Mental Health forum
I think it is important (and I have stated in multiple threads) that children be empowered to defend themselves and resolve their own conflict. This can be done through physical and verbal means, with the physical only being reserved for when the bullying itself is physical. People like to say that it is about "self-confidence" and building self-confidence. However, an important component to self-confidence is being empowered and able to defend yourself and resolve situations on your own.
Our current beliefs in regards to bullying is to punish the bullies. This only results in more creative bullying, not a cessation of bullying. We also teach our kids to seek out an adult or authority figure to protect them from a bully. All this does is reinforce to a child that they are incapable of defending themselves. They rely on adults to shield and protect them, but eventually there will be a time when there are no adults to shield and protect them and they will need to be able to deal with the situation on their own. One of the worst things many parents do in terms of "bully proofing" their kids is assume that THEY, the parent, can protect their child. They can't and in trying to be the protector, they are actually unempowering their child to defend themselves and leaving them vulnerable to the same thing they were trying to protect them from.
so what happens when the child CAN'T defend himself, especially physically - what if the bully's older and twice his size? What if there are 5 of them? There's always gonna be someone stronger or bigger, you simply can't rely on a 10 or 12 or even 16 year old to be able to physically defend themselves in any situation, no matter how many self-defense classes they take. That's why it IS absolutely essential that they seek adults' help, and why adults MUST be there and intervene against bullying at any cost. Don't say it doesn't work. Maybe in rare cases, but in the majority, when you're dealing with a normal group of children who just feel like picking on some for fun, they will stop if the consequences are severe enough - long-term suspension, permanent record, getting kicked out of school, all the way down to arrest and juvie jail for physical attacks. They would think twice about whether the fun of bullying is worth it if they know they won't get away with it.
If someone was verbally or physically attacking an adult at work, or in your neighbourhood, etc., I don't think you'd tell them to not seek help and defend themselves on their own. An adult would call the authorities and expect them to deal with it rather than voluntarily get into a fight with some random violent lunatic. Yet we're expecting little kids to deal with it alone with no intervention??
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I passed it along to my daughter as well and she got the chance to use it. She also had some good friends who stood up for her. She was picked on in kindergarten and first grade. She's in 3rd now and will be in 4th next term and no more bullying at this time. Her k-1st grade bully has been trying to be friends with her now.
