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This is one I do not have figured out. Neither do the family counselor or dd's therapist. I can't be the only parent dealing with this kind of situation.
The situation you think you are dealing with, jealousy and entrance tests, is not the real issue. The issue is and has been for the entirety of your posting history is you and your daughter.
Quote:
I can't get into dd's head because this is not something I've experienced.
I am not suggesting you get into her head. I am suggesting you get into yours and figure out why you don't like your daughter. I am not intending to be harsh and certainly don't want to hurt your feelings. But it looks pretty compelling from out here that your daughter is responding to you as you have expected her to. As a failure.
Why even share the scores with DD #1? The scores my kids got on their entrance exams were theirs. We didn't feel the need to discuss them between the siblings.
BTW, middle boy, with a learning disability, did just fine on the ACT without any prep, and made it into the college of his choice, which was really all that mattered. I wouldn't spend to much time or money on the prep courses.
These days, the standard is to prep. When everyone's doing it, you don't have much choice if you want to compete. I couldn't get dd#1 to see that. I offered to send her to the same prep courses her friends went to but she wasn't having any part of that. Prepping would take away her excuse if her scores were not as high as she wanted. She ended up 3 points shy of the requirement for the college of her choice. I've told her she can prep and take the test again but she's not biting on that either. While her excuse for getting the score she did was that she didn't prep like the other kids, she's certain she wouldn't get a better score if she prepped and retook the test.
Dd#1 will want to know her sister's score so I'm not sure we'll be able to keep it from her but you're right that she doesn't need to know. I just hope we can keep dd#2 quiet about it. I don't think she's going to take kindly to being told it's none of her business. When we've tried that in the past, she then tells us that we're treating her like she's not part of the family.
The situation you think you are dealing with, jealousy and entrance tests, is not the real issue. The issue is and has been for the entirety of your posting history is you and your daughter.
I am not suggesting you get into her head. I am suggesting you get into yours and figure out why you don't like your daughter. I am not intending to be harsh and certainly don't want to hurt your feelings. But it looks pretty compelling from out here that your daughter is responding to you as you have expected her to. As a failure.
According to the counsleor's, no, but what do they know?
Excuse me? I don't like my daughter? THAT is a load of crap. She has her issues, and we're dealing with them, as we should. That, does not, however, mean we don't like her.
I should have known this would not yeild anything useful. Just another bashing session....
Dd#1 will want to know her sister's score so I'm not sure we'll be able to keep it from her but you're right that she doesn't need to know. I just hope we can keep dd#2 quiet about it. I don't think she's going to take kindly to being told it's none of her business. When we've tried that in the past, she then tells us that we're treating her like she's not part of the family.
Then in that case, tell her that she can't have it both ways and continue to keep it a secret. That's just being manipulative and she needs to be told to grow up. Your DD2 can learn something from this as well and learn to draw some boundaries as well while being kind to her sister.
According to the counsleor's, no, but what do they know?
Excuse me? I don't like my daughter? THAT is a load of crap. She has her issues, and we're dealing with them, as we should. That, does not, however, mean we don't like her.
I should have known this would not yeild anything useful. Just another bashing session....
I challenge you to find a single post in this forum where you said something positive about her.
According to the counsleor's, no, but what do they know?
Excuse me? I don't like my daughter? THAT is a load of crap. She has her issues, and we're dealing with them, as we should. That, does not, however, mean we don't like her.
I should have known this would not yeild anything useful. Just another bashing session....
What do you like about her? What are the great things about DD1? We've heard all about the wonders of DD2, but never how DD1 is great.
As for the last paragraph...there are some great people who had responded to this thread who are trying to help you. A simple rule of the Internet is that you don't ask for advice and then discredit it if it's not to your liking.
These days, the standard is to prep. When everyone's doing it, you don't have much choice if you want to compete. I couldn't get dd#1 to see that. I offered to send her to the same prep courses her friends went to but she wasn't having any part of that. Prepping would take away her excuse if her scores were not as high as she wanted. She ended up 3 points shy of the requirement for the college of her choice. I've told her she can prep and take the test again but she's not biting on that either. While her excuse for getting the score she did was that she didn't prep like the other kids, she's certain she wouldn't get a better score if she prepped and retook the test.
Dd#1 will want to know her sister's score so I'm not sure we'll be able to keep it from her but you're right that she doesn't need to know. I just hope we can keep dd#2 quiet about it. I don't think she's going to take kindly to being told it's none of her business. When we've tried that in the past, she then tells us that we're treating her like she's not part of the family.
From what you are saying about her the things she is choosing to do or not do don't really seem that our of the norm for a teenager yet you seem to think that there is something clinically wrong due to these perceived shortcomings that very well may just be a part of her innate personality. Your posts about her over the years in this forum have sounded extremely negative while the posts about her sister have sounded extremely positive. You may be contributing to the sibling rivalry MUCH more then you think. Counseling, for YOU sounds like it could be very helpful.
Last edited by Dorthy; 06-07-2012 at 07:12 PM..
Reason: spelling
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