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Exactly. So why does she have no say in it's name?
Good point, but this isn't just a "we can't agree on a name" thing. There is real meaning behind the name he wants, and she isn't being sensitive to that.
Give the baby your last name - that should really drop their jaws. My husband is a junior and fortunately he didn't want to continue that tradition either. But ALL of the names shouldn't go to one side of the family. I wouldn't have insisted on a name my husband hated but our child was getting his last name, there is no way I would have no input on the first and middle.
I think the "legally this my name but everyone calls me this" is the best way to resolve the issue, though I would look at this as a red flag too, though. Who knows what else he's not willing to compromise on?
Tradition should be broken. Asians never use the same name as they believe it will bring bad energy to name a baby after a dead person...I think they've got a point.
I have an Asian godson who was named after his grandfather.
People seem to think that the husband is being unreasonable about wanting to carry on the naming tradition, but no one is asking the OP why she is so unrelenting about NOT naming the child that name. I'm not taking a side or attacking the OP, just trying to be fair. We're all hearing about this from her, so we only get her side of it.
What if a man posted that he had this really important meaningful family naming tradition, and all his life he dreamed of having a son to carry on the name, but his wife says she "cringes" to think of naming the son Henry Louis. He's trying to listen to her feelings, but all she says is she just doesn't like it, it makes her cringe, and doesn't even say why.
People would be jumping in with advice to tell his "unreasonable" wife how he feels and how this tradition is immensely important to him, and maybe in return, she can have full naming rights over all other children, as long as he gets one boy named Henry Louis. Really, any "compromise" so far suggested here would still mean not naming the boy Henry Louis, so anything but Henry Louis means the wife's wishes are more important than the husband's. I'm not saying anyone's wishes are, or should be more important, but it seems like the husband's wishes are actually based on something tangible.
Aside from all the controversy, I tend to think that carrying on a family name is pretty cool. I do a lot of genealogy research, and I'm a little sad that the more recent generations of my family have not carried on the naming traditions. It can be pretty meaningful to a person doing family history research to discover that his/her name actually goes back to someone from 100 years ago. At least consider that. I have a distant cousin who is my same age, and we only met because of our research on Ancestry.com. He used to not like his middle name, but once he learned that it was a family name that went back many generations (his mother never explained that to him before she died) he now loves and honors his name. I'm not having any kids, but I think he story behind the name is so cool, I may want to carry on the family tradition by using it for my next dog! Maybe ask your husband or his parents about the history of the Henry Louis's in the family. who was the first? when did he live? what did he do in life? I'll even volunteer to look the Henrys up on Ancestry.com and the other fee-based sites I use, to help you find info. Just PM me.
We don't know much from this thread, but on the surface, it looks to some that the husband is being unreasonably rigid, but to others like me it just looks like the one partner has a heartfelt conviction about carrying on a meaningful piece of heritage, while the other partner just doesn't like the way the name sounds, and is perhaps digging in her heels a little because of the husband's conviction.
I'm sixteen weeks along, and my husband and I are ecstatic about our first child. Our little one will be the first grandchild for both our parents, and everyone has shown great support, care, and encouragement. We opted not to find out the gender.
One cloud is marring our joyful experience, and that is my husband's staunch position on the baby's name. He insists a firstborn son must be called Henry Louis. He is the fifth of that name, and wants a son to be the sixth. He has never considered any other boy's name since he was young, and the decision is considered set in his mind. No ifs, ands, or buts. I appreciate the tradition in the name and having a family name, but he leaves little room for compromise. The problem is that I dislike both of these names a lot, and I have for a long time. He goes by a nickname, and time has not changed my opinion of Henry or Louis much.
I don't want to name my son Henry Louis. We discussed possible baby names and I asked whether he would consider one (Louis) for the first name and different middle names, or even Henry Louis (Other Names). He won't budge. It's Henry Louis, not Henry Louis Jacob or Louis Alexander or James Henry Louis. There is no compromising on this one, although we have had fruitful and inspired discussions for girl's names. Just the boy's we have a problem with.
What can I do? We are not anticipating having more children so I can't just wait for the next one. Maybe it's my hormones talking, but I feel like the baby already gets two guaranteed names of his (surname, Henry or Louis). Shouldn't I be allowed to contribute one? I almost dread having a boy because of the friction it's causing.
My parents say to give the issue time and see how we feel, as the baby's appearance might throw all our plans out the window and our "Henry" might turn out to be suited for a "Patrick" or "Elliott." This is just keeping me up at night now. Help!
I don't like or believe in "Juniors" "thirds" etc. I think every child deserves his or her own name.
Even if it's a wonderful name.
And to my ears, those are not decent names.
People who have a hang up with Juniors and family names are often macho or hung up on their ethnic background. They are hard to convince.
My mom would not be convinced. My father was stuck on his unwieldy Old Testament Biblical first name. It's pretty bad.
In the late 50s 60s and early 70s when they had their four kids, the only place you would hear this name would be in a church or temple.
Unlike other names of this type, it has not come back into poplarity.
Nor has my dad's middle name "Henry".
I have a younger brother who is very glad that my mom stood her ground.
I agree it's not as though it's Henry Jakob and you can call the boy "Jake" to preserve this silly tradition.
The minute your husband carries a pregnancy for 10 months then squeezes a watermelon out of his butt, he gets to choose.
Don't agree. While we chose names together, I wasn't passionate about a particular name, but I should definitely have a say since I will be raising and supporting the child or the rest of my life.
In my opinion, no ifs ands or buts, no room for compromise PERIOD is a story for marital disaster. You cave on this, expect to cave forevermore on any other issues. He has no right to dictate the name of the baby to you. You have no obligation to accept a name you hate for your child. I am surprised that this absolute was not brought up before conception. If it were me, I would be phoning a marriage counselor.
Agree with this 100 percent. I have a coworker whose husband insisted that they name their unborn child a "tree-related" name. His name is Chip. His dad's name is Woody.
When their son was born my coworker cried and cried b/c they couldn't come up with a decent tree name. They named him Cedar. She's regretted it ever since.
Even worse, since she caved on her son's name he expects them to name their next child a tree-related name, too. He has suggested Elm, Maple and Birch. No, this isn't a joke.
Stand firm on your decision. You can find a compromise name that you, your husband and your son will cherish.
My point is, she knew this was important to him BEFORE she married him and got pregnant.
This is the important thing. He was irreconcilable before they got married. He's been dreaming about it since he was a little boy.
This didn't just come screaming out of the blue. You tacitly agreed to it when you got married and didn't insist before that that the tradition was going to stop cold at your child.
I don't think this is a control issue on the husband's part, the name thing has been set in stone for his whole life as far as he's concerned.
I think you should probably name the kid Henry Luis, and call him something else.
What could possibly make you think this wasn't going to be an issue? I know it sucks, and I do feel for you. Sorry. If your husband is not the kind that gets over things quickly and you make him change his mind you could have some real resentment on your hands.
I would consider it a meaningful gift to my spouse, and continue the tradition that means so much to him. Who is to say the pending baby won't be thrilled years down to road to be entrusted with family history?
For the record, I think Henry is a pretty cool name.
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