Really angry at my 5 year old...help!

[pirate girl]

Isn't it funny that the dog's actions are having more of an affect on him than anything you say?

Lucy sounds like a smart girl who knows how to work it!

[I love the Bears]

And I just now read your post about Lucy giving him the cold shoulder!! Sounds like he may be starting to get it and just didn't want to tell you cause he was scared!

[Drouzin]

"I emphatically agree with Drouzin's #1 and #3, but I am not sure your son would quite get #2. He would probably understand it enough to *say* the right thing, but it might be too abstract for him, at the present time, to wholly comprehend it."

I agree Cil; for a 5 year old to totally understand and be capable of completely understanding the abstract concept of empathy, and will give an "empty" although acceptable answer. The point of the question is to develop a sense of empathy and train the child to think (eventually) "how would I feel if..." It is a method we used in our peer mediation program.

[jessiegirl_98]

Originally Posted by irishmom

The trike went into the garbage yesterday...he had out grown it but liked riding it down the hill...which as it turns out was a bad thing.

Actually when I tried to get him tested by the public school system and a private pychologist they all agreed it is too soon to make such a diagnosis. So I'm waiting as was suggested.

That's interesting! I've worked with a children as young as 4 with ADHD (they had REALLY severe ADHD though.....) and have diagnosed 4 or 5 year olds before (again REALLY severe!, most referred to me at that age don't have ADHD, but I've seen very clear cases) In order to make that diagnosis, the symptoms have to occur before age 7, but they can be diagnosed after that too. It can be hard to diagnosis before school aged (again, unless it's really severe). Very interesting! I guess it's good that they aren't overdiagnosing!

Good luck and how's the dog!

[irishmom]

Originally Posted by pirate girl

Isn't it funny that the dog's actions are having more of an affect on him than anything you say?

Lucy sounds like a smart girl who knows how to work it!

Originally Posted by I love the Bears

And I just now read your post about Lucy giving him the cold shoulder!! Sounds like he may be starting to get it and just didn't want to tell you cause he was scared!

Lucy definitely is a smarty! Yes he has always listened to others better than me...even the dog apparently...LOL

He was definitely terrified after hurting her and me not being calm didn't do anything but add to it...so I do understand his silence and blaming the bike. When I talked to him about it the next day he told me what he actually intended to do, and although not something he should have done it's not as bad as riding at her either. He is now quite busy trying to get Lucy to trust him again...he's very unhappy that she doesn't trust him and has been spending extra time with her...which is a good thing.

[Monicaand1]

Wow this is really old but I wanted to comment on it anyway because most of what I have read is rediculous! The child is five seeing his dog hurt because of something he did is a great load on such a little person. It is important that he does not lose this natural consequence by blaming his bike or bad luck but make sure that you comfort your son as well as your dog. Also teach him to be more careful and have him be with you when you are feeling bad for your dog this will encourage the guilty feelings to learn what his mistake was. Also even if the five year old intentionally ran into him do you honestly think he thought to himself if i run down this hill into the dog i will hurt him? Five year olds dont have as much understanding sometimes as we expect them too and sometimes they do things without thinking. Just because he tested something that had a horrible consequence it does not make him horrible - he has tested things many times before when noone got hurt. Be gentle with him and dont make him go through this guilt which he may not protray alone. Dealing with something so hard as a five year old could be a great learning tool if handled right or cause behavioral problems if handled poorly.

[myjulylily]

Originally Posted by irishmom

He was definitely terrified after hurting her and me not being calm didn't do anything but add to it...so I do understand his silence and blaming the bike. When I talked to him about it the next day he told me what he actually intended to do, and although not something he should have done it's not as bad as riding at her either. He is now quite busy trying to get Lucy to trust him again...he's very unhappy that she doesn't trust him and has been spending extra time with her...which is a good thing.

I saw this was an old post, but I'll comment anyway - maybe it will help someone else?


From this quote and another before, it sounds like he has been punished enough. Let it go. 5 year olds might know better in the abstract, but they can't possibly understand all the conseqences and process them like adults. I think he is looking to you now for some reassurance that he's not a bad kid, that the dog will be ok, and that you are not pissed at him anymore. Believe me, he will know if you are still harboring resentment for him.
He's going to make some bad choices - all kids do, and that is how they learn. Some lessons are going to be tougher than others, some needing to be punished. But it should be done with love.
Since you didn't see exactly what happened, I think you need to let him know that no matter what, telling the truth is always best, and we should do our best to protect the dogs. I'm sure he never imagined he would hurt the dog as badly as he did. Now he knows, and he's probably doing plenty of punishing himself in his own mind. That' why he keeps talking about it - he's looking for reassurance and love from you.