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Old 06-26-2012, 11:06 AM
 
6,911 posts, read 15,468,231 times
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Oh, No!!!! I didn't mean for someone to be dishonest about it.

I really feel that if gays and lesbians would quit going around as if they were waving red flags about it, people might be more accepting. Most people wouldn't care if you had sex with a fence post. BUT, they get tired of hearing about it.....about your right to do as you please...and to make allowances for you and your attitude ....just because!

There should have NEVER been any laws against homosexuality. .

Why did they happen? Far too often it was because someone thought they were discriminated because of their sexual preference when in reality it was because they had a lousy personality or a dismal attitude.

If the boss refuses to promote a gay, it's for the gay to admit that it MIGHT be because the boss doesn't think he can do the work and not because the boss doesn't like gays. If a neighbor doesn't seem friendly, if might be because the lesbian doesn't keep the yard up, or because the neighbor isn't the friendly type and doesn't like anyone. It isn't always because someone is gay...often it's the total person that is at fault, rather than the sexual preference.

I repeat, The OP doesn't need to admit to her mother that she's a lesbian, if she is uncomfortable doing so. She needs only to live honestly with those people that she feels comfortable with. There is no reason to pretend that she doesn't.
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Old 06-26-2012, 11:13 AM
 
Location: Atlanta
11,854 posts, read 5,260,484 times
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Because the expectation is that most people are straight. Moms talk about "when you meet the right guy", "when you settle down with said guy and have kids". Teachers ask about dads, and on and on. Why is it that heterosexual couples can talk about their spouses, but when a gay couple does it's waving a red flag?
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Old 06-26-2012, 11:59 AM
 
6,911 posts, read 15,468,231 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zimbochick View Post
Because the expectation is that most people are straight. Moms talk about "when you meet the right guy", "when you settle down with said guy and have kids". Teachers ask about dads, and on and on. Why is it that heterosexual couples can talk about their spouses, but when a gay couple does it's waving a red flag?
OK, why can't she just be honest and say that she doesn't think she will ever meet a guy the she feels is Mr. Right? She can say....I am not attacted to males. The word "lesbian" doesn't sit well yet. She doesn't need to push her mother into a corner by saying it.

Why can't she just talk about her good friends? Does she have to say that they are lesbian/jewish/republican/catholic/black/or whatever? Are we ever going to talk about friends instead of spouses?

And will we ever reach a point where is it OK for a person just to remain single? That it's not neccessary to "settle down and have kids?" Is procreative sex a must-do act?

It's sort of like the guy in the desert regions of the world getting tired of listening to complaints about having to shovel snow off the sidewalk. At some point, talking about shoveling snow becomes counter-productive and the snow guy is ignored. Gay Rights aren't the only problem. Some women's groups have pushed Women's Rights too much too. Push, and you will get pushed back. Right or wrong, that's human nature and the majority usually wins.
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Old 06-26-2012, 12:15 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
3,388 posts, read 1,607,415 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Padgett2 View Post
OK, why can't she just be honest and say that she doesn't think she will ever meet a guy the she feels is Mr. Right? She can say....I am not attacted to males. The word "lesbian" doesn't sit well yet. She doesn't need to push her mother into a corner by saying it.

Why can't she just talk about her good friends? Does she have to say that they are lesbian/jewish/republican/catholic/black/or whatever? Are we ever going to talk about friends instead of spouses?

And will we ever reach a point where is it OK for a person just to remain single? That it's not neccessary to "settle down and have kids?" Is procreative sex a must-do act?

It's sort of like the guy in the desert regions of the world getting tired of listening to complaints about having to shovel snow off the sidewalk. At some point, talking about shoveling snow becomes counter-productive and the snow guy is ignored. Gay Rights aren't the only problem. Some women's groups have pushed Women's Rights too much too. Push, and you will get pushed back. Right or wrong, that's human nature and the majority usually wins.
It's perfectly fine for people to say they want to remain single, if they want to remain single, or to be child-free if they want to be child-free. However, the OP isn't asking about either of these things. She is asking how to come out to her mom, who is ostensibly an important enough person in her life that she wants to be able to be honest with her.

Last edited by eastwesteastagain; 06-26-2012 at 12:48 PM.. Reason: Never mind
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Old 06-26-2012, 12:34 PM
 
2,211 posts, read 1,562,426 times
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I wouldn't assume that your mom knows or suspects anything. I think when you meet that one person, you will want to tell the world. Until that happens, its up to you what you want to do. You can hold off on telling her when you feel more comfortable, or, if it is really bothering you, ask her to lunch and tell her. After the lunch you both go your separate ways. Things might be weird for a bit, but they'll ease up. You didn't mention that your Mom would have a hard time with it due to beliefs or things she might have said to you in the past.

In the end it is your life and you should do it on your schedule. I kind of also agree with Padgett2, you technically don't have to say anything or come out to anyone. Just date females and if your mom asks, you can always say "my girlfriend." Sometimes, I feel like the whole sitting down and talking to your parents makes it seem that being gay wrong, bad, whatever. Heterosexuals don't have to have a conversation with their parents about their sexuality, so techinically neither do we.

I came out to my parents totally wrong, however I don't really regret it based on the relationship we have.
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Old 06-26-2012, 06:50 PM
 
3,364 posts, read 5,358,939 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zimbochick View Post
Because the expectation is that most people are straight. Moms talk about "when you meet the right guy", "when you settle down with said guy and have kids". Teachers ask about dads, and on and on. Why is it that heterosexual couples can talk about their spouses, but when a gay couple does it's waving a red flag?
Can you name ONE parade or other instance where hetero folks dress up in costumes, wave flags and shout to the world, "We're here, we're not *****, get used to it".

Nope. Only homosexual folks declare their sexuality publicly in that manner. And get offended if someone doesn't accept them. And cry "discrimination" when they are passed over.

Yesterday, my husband was told a complaint was lodged against him (to Corporate) because a customer (actually two of em) complained that he made "several disparaging remarks regarding our homosexuality and that same sex marriage was disgusting and we should be ashamed". This blew my husband away - he couldn't even think of ONE homosexual person he'd seen in his store that day that he could've 'identified'. Luckily, there were cameras in the store that showed the couple never even came down the aisle he was working in, side by side, with the store manager. Guess those guys figured a low cost store wouldn't bother with cameras.

Honestly, MY belief (not necessarily that of my husband) is that homosexual behavior is all about the attention it garners. The limited experience I've had with homosexuals, everyone of them an 'attention wh*r*' backs up my opinion. Of course, it's just my opinion (and I know it's a generality that doesn't apply to ALL homosexuals). I don't share it publicly because it's not "PC" and I don't need homosexual folks picketing my front yard to get the attention of the local news station because *gasp* someone somewhere doesn't share their point of view and therefore, must be evil.
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Old 06-26-2012, 06:52 PM
 
3,364 posts, read 5,358,939 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katestar View Post
I wouldn't assume that your mom knows or suspects anything. I think when you meet that one person, you will want to tell the world. Until that happens, its up to you what you want to do. You can hold off on telling her when you feel more comfortable, or, if it is really bothering you, ask her to lunch and tell her. After the lunch you both go your separate ways. Things might be weird for a bit, but they'll ease up. You didn't mention that your Mom would have a hard time with it due to beliefs or things she might have said to you in the past.

In the end it is your life and you should do it on your schedule. I kind of also agree with Padgett2, you technically don't have to say anything or come out to anyone. Just date females and if your mom asks, you can always say "my girlfriend." Sometimes, I feel like the whole sitting down and talking to your parents makes it seem that being gay wrong, bad, whatever. Heterosexuals don't have to have a conversation with their parents about their sexuality, so techinically neither do we.

I came out to my parents totally wrong, however I don't really regret it based on the relationship we have.
Exactly!
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Old 06-26-2012, 07:23 PM
 
6,911 posts, read 15,468,231 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katestar View Post
.

Sometimes, I feel like the whole sitting down and talking to your parents makes it seem that being gay wrong, bad, whatever. Heterosexuals don't have to have a conversation with their parents about their sexuality, so techinically neither do we.

I came out to my parents totally wrong, however I don't really regret it based on the relationship we have.
That's the way I think it should be. You don't have to sit down and talk about your relationship with someone of a different religion, or political opinion, or ethnic group. That's because you don't think any of them are "wrong" Why is having a very good friend of the same sex different?
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Old 06-26-2012, 08:57 PM
 
Location: Atlanta
11,854 posts, read 5,260,484 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sskkc View Post
Can you name ONE parade or other instance where hetero folks dress up in costumes, wave flags and shout to the world, "We're here, we're not *****, get used to it".
Umm, yes I can actually. There are 6,200 weddings a day in the US, and they're obviously not gay people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sskkc View Post
Nope. Only homosexual folks declare their sexuality publicly in that manner. And get offended if someone doesn't accept them. And cry "discrimination" when they are passed over.

Yesterday, my husband was told a complaint was lodged against him (to Corporate) because a customer (actually two of em) complained that he made "several disparaging remarks regarding our homosexuality and that same sex marriage was disgusting and we should be ashamed". This blew my husband away - he couldn't even think of ONE homosexual person he'd seen in his store that day that he could've 'identified'. Luckily, there were cameras in the store that showed the couple never even came down the aisle he was working in, side by side, with the store manager. Guess those guys figured a low cost store wouldn't bother with cameras.

Honestly, MY belief (not necessarily that of my husband) is that homosexual behavior is all about the attention it garners. The limited experience I've had with homosexuals, everyone of them an 'attention wh*r*' backs up my opinion. Of course, it's just my opinion (and I know it's a generality that doesn't apply to ALL homosexuals). I don't share it publicly because it's not "PC" and I don't need homosexual folks picketing my front yard to get the attention of the local news station because *gasp* someone somewhere doesn't share their point of view and therefore, must be evil.
Way off topic, and just plain nasty.
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Old 06-26-2012, 09:21 PM
 
Location: In Line For The E Ticket Ride
20,573 posts, read 10,973,799 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sskkc View Post
Honestly, MY belief (not necessarily that of my husband) is that homosexual behavior is all about the attention it garners.
No. I have gay friends.

I lost gay friends to AIDS in the 80's. One of them was one of the quietest, most unassuming, wonderful man a person could hope to know. Just thinking about him and thinking about your statement.....

No. Just no.
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