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Old 06-22-2012, 07:18 AM
 
Location: Denver area
21,137 posts, read 22,107,592 times
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Is she typically self centered? Are those kinds of events (birthdays. MD, FD etc) usually recognized in your home? And have the kids been expected to participate or has it been you who takes care of remembering and planning on their behalf?

I do think it's good that your relationship iis generally positive. It may be that when things are calm you can have a conversation with her about it. Being 17 is close to adulthood and thinking of and being courteous to others (and recognizing that your mom falls into that catagiry) is part of growing up.
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Old 06-22-2012, 01:22 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,478 posts, read 15,913,707 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tulani View Post
For 27 years all I got from my son was a "Happy Mother's Day" in a very bored tone. To me it was no more special than his "Good Morning" or "Good Night".
Two years ago I let my son know that his lack of feelings for me on Mother's Day really hurt. He asked what I meant. I told him that Mother's Day was a day to make mom feel special... a day to honor her and thank her for everything she does for you as a mom.
He looked at me in shock and said, "I thought Mother's Day was a day for mothers to play with their kids, a day to be a mother."
I managed not to laugh and told him he had it all wrong. He actually thought I was supposed to play with him on Mother's Day for all those growing years.
The next year he wanted to take me out to dinner but our favorite place was closed at 4 pm - really dumb on Mother's Day! We ended up having a picnic indoors instead. He made the day special.
He did so again this year.
Sometimes we just have to let them know how we feel. Kids forget that parents have feelings too.
Although it is surprising that he never caught on to the real meaning of Mother's Day before he was 27 years old I am glad that you talked to him and explained your feelings.

My children, esp. my daughter, sends special "I love you" and "thinking of you" and "thank you for being a wonderful Mom" cards and emails thoughout the entire year. That is much more important that a "forced thank you" on Mother's Day.

My son has almost totally boycotted "made-up holidays" like Valentine's Day and Mother's Day and Father's Day but is a sweet, wonderful, caring son the entire year. That is more imprtant to me.
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Old 06-22-2012, 02:11 PM
 
Location: central Oregon
1,856 posts, read 2,025,508 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Although it is surprising that he never caught on to the real meaning of Mother's Day before he was 27 years old I am glad that you talked to him and explained your feelings.

My children, esp. my daughter, sends special "I love you" and "thinking of you" and "thank you for being a wonderful Mom" cards and emails thoughout the entire year. That is much more important that a "forced thank you" on Mother's Day.

My son has almost totally boycotted "made-up holidays" like Valentine's Day and Mother's Day and Father's Day but is a sweet, wonderful, caring son the entire year. That is more imprtant to me.
He has Asperger's and is sorta stuck in that self-centered age of 12 - 14. He doesn't care for holidays in general. He even dislikes Christmas. His birthday is fine because it is all about him on that day. This is just one of his many quirks.

It is weird because my mom lived with the two of us until she died when he was 20. He saw me lavish her with gifts and cards every year, but somehow he never thought he should be doing the same for me.
We tell each other - in many ways, including words - how much we love each other daily. He still lives with me. He has no trouble sharing his feelings and is very empathetic and sympathetic.
Somehow, someway he missed the memo that explains Mother's Day. (We joke about him missing memos a lot, since he can't 'read' people at all.)

Knowing him as I do, I did not find it weird that he did not know the true meaning of the holiday. I'm just thankful that now that he does I get more than a simple greeting. I told him I was not/am not looking for gifts, just more of an acknowledgement that I am a special mom on Mother's Day.

I do agree that showing love all year is what is most important. However, Mother's Day is out there and, as a mother, I want to be smothered with extra love on that one day of the year.
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Old 06-22-2012, 06:46 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,478 posts, read 15,913,707 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tulani View Post
He has Asperger's and is sorta stuck in that self-centered age of 12 - 14. He doesn't care for holidays in general. He even dislikes Christmas. His birthday is fine because it is all about him on that day. This is just one of his many quirks.

It is weird because my mom lived with the two of us until she died when he was 20. He saw me lavish her with gifts and cards every year, but somehow he never thought he should be doing the same for me.
We tell each other - in many ways, including words - how much we love each other daily. He still lives with me. He has no trouble sharing his feelings and is very empathetic and sympathetic.
Somehow, someway he missed the memo that explains Mother's Day. (We joke about him missing memos a lot, since he can't 'read' people at all.)

Knowing him as I do, I did not find it weird that he did not know the true meaning of the holiday. I'm just thankful that now that he does I get more than a simple greeting. I told him I was not/am not looking for gifts, just more of an acknowledgement that I am a special mom on Mother's Day.

I do agree that showing love all year is what is most important. However, Mother's Day is out there and, as a mother, I want to be smothered with extra love on that one day of the year.
Thanks for explaining. I can see how he could have missed the meaning. Mother's Day does sort of sound like a "day to be a Mother". I'm glad that you worked it out.
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Old 06-22-2012, 07:37 PM
 
9,454 posts, read 15,015,271 times
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My DS to me"..Happy f**king Mother's Day"

Well, isn't that special? Of course, I had to be the problem, guess we should all trot off to counseling....hey, that's all we've done the past few years.

Ummm....did you see that video about the school monitor who was verbally abused by the kids on the bus? That's how my ds talks to me----there again, I MUST be the problem!

Someone else here posted that parents have feelings, too! Not according to the counselors! They encourage, even eg on such behavior! Next time he tells someone to f--- off, its not me!

Oh, BTW, we have called police, CPS, every agency we can think of. all we can do is stand there and take it! Anything else is called child abuse!

Why bother with Mother's Day, Father's Day, etc, anyways?Its not like parents matter!
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Old 06-22-2012, 09:41 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,457 posts, read 16,408,211 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
My DS to me"..Happy f**king Mother's Day"

Well, isn't that special? Of course, I had to be the problem, guess we should all trot off to counseling....hey, that's all we've done the past few years.

Ummm....did you see that video about the school monitor who was verbally abused by the kids on the bus? That's how my ds talks to me----there again, I MUST be the problem!

Someone else here posted that parents have feelings, too! Not according to the counselors! They encourage, even eg on such behavior! Next time he tells someone to f--- off, its not me!

Oh, BTW, we have called police, CPS, every agency we can think of. all we can do is stand there and take it! Anything else is called child abuse!

Why bother with Mother's Day, Father's Day, etc, anyways?Its not like parents matter!
Oh hun, this was good for me and made me feel like I should not be whining. Putting things into perspective right now.
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Old 06-22-2012, 09:49 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,366,635 times
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Next year, start a month in advance and tell her there are "x" shopping days or making stuff days till Mother's Day. Make a homemade "advent" calendar and have her open the little windows
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Old 06-22-2012, 10:20 PM
 
Location: ATL suburb
1,366 posts, read 3,603,756 times
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I don't recall ever celebrating Mother's Day as a child. It wasn't a big deal. As a parent now, my family will generally acknowledge Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentine's Day, etc, if we happen to remember, which is sometimes, days later, if I'm not paying attention to sales. The only date I care about my son and husband acknowledging is my birthday, which only requires a "Happy Birthday" and a kiss. So, to answer the original question, yes.
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Old 06-22-2012, 10:32 PM
 
2,763 posts, read 4,432,083 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
Next year, start a month in advance and tell her there are "x" shopping days or making stuff days till Mother's Day. Make a homemade "advent" calendar and have her open the little windows
I'm thinking a 17 year old would probably roll her eyes at this idea. Hell, i'm 28 and I did. Seems a bit self centered and obnoxious if you ask me.
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Old 06-22-2012, 10:35 PM
 
2,763 posts, read 4,432,083 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anadyr21 View Post
I don't recall ever celebrating Mother's Day as a child. It wasn't a big deal. As a parent now, my family will generally acknowledge Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentine's Day, etc, if we happen to remember, which is sometimes, days later, if I'm not paying attention to sales. The only date I care about my son and husband acknowledging is my birthday, which only requires a "Happy Birthday" and a kiss. So, to answer the original question, yes.
That's how it was growing up for me as well. Now that I have my own children, i tend to go out of my way more for mothers/fathers day though now. I dont bother with a card (lets be honest, why waste 5 dollars on a piece of cardboard that gets thrown away), but i always get some type of gift that will be used. IE: Fathers day I bought my step father whiskey stones because he loves whiskey, took the time to research the best brand for my buck and he was floored at the gift - which is simply stunning for a guy like him, he's not easily impressed
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