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Old 06-22-2012, 11:39 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,382,948 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rezfreak View Post
i'm thinking a 17 year old would probably roll her eyes at this idea. Hell, i'm 28 and i did. Seems a bit self centered and obnoxious if you ask me.
omg
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Old 06-23-2012, 08:18 AM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,761,562 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
Or father's day for that matter? I"m asking b/c my dd did it again--she didn't even bother to say MD, much less get a card or a little gift or anything. I might have been ok with it if she hadn't needed a ride to the mall yesterday to get her dad a belated something--since yesterday was the only day all week that he had time for her. Of course I'm the custodial parent and he's the one who left. I told her my feelings and she's turning it around to something that I just want material goods but I told her I would have been happy with a homemade card--something that showed a little bit of thought.
A lot of good parents get taken for granted. And age 17 isn't always the sweetest most thoughtful age. And sometimes a kid will go out of his/her way one year, then overlook the next. At about that age, the kid is kind of putting the parents on the back burner and distancing him or her self from the parent.

But a parent who has always been there, always provided a safe and comfortable home for the child, had food in the house, was there to talk to, could always be counted on for rides, advice, guidance, always made birthdays and holidays special will have kids who take all that for granted. The kids don't know any thing else. They don't know what it's like otherwise. It's like not being thankful for the air you breathe, it's just always there, something you don't really think about.

When a kid meets other kids who grew up very differently they may begin to appreciate more - kids who came home to an empty house because mom was off with boyfriends or in a bar looking for some, or blowing the welfare check in the casino and so this year there will be no Christmas presents, or she's home but usually passed out from alcohol when the kids get home from school. Or dad spends most his time away, or is in prison, or never wants to know his kids.

And of course when a kid grows up and becomes a parent, that's when they often really become thankful to their parents --- hopefully it's not too late when that happens so they can let the parent know.
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Old 06-23-2012, 10:13 AM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,463 posts, read 16,433,366 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
And of course when a kid grows up and becomes a parent, that's when they often really become thankful to their parents --- hopefully it's not too late when that happens so they can let the parent know.
Thank you. Yes I think I have been a very good parent and I was there for her after her dad left to pursue a selfish lifestyle and he comes to get her about 1x/week and takes her to eat at a cheap restaurant and brings her home an hour later which is why it's so annoying that she honors him more than me. But I will stop whining--it's silly I guess. And then I had a terrible thought yesterday when I went back to my hometown to close on a house and I thought about what she would go thru if I got killed on the highway and was left with that guilt for the rest of her life. That would be horrible so I'm going to let it go, but we're going to work on the laziness. Anyone have any suggestions for that?
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Old 06-23-2012, 10:56 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,505 posts, read 15,968,402 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
Thank you. Yes I think I have been a very good parent and I was there for her after her dad left to pursue a selfish lifestyle and he comes to get her about 1x/week and takes her to eat at a cheap restaurant and brings her home an hour later which is why it's so annoying that she honors him more than me. But I will stop whining--it's silly I guess. And then I had a terrible thought yesterday when I went back to my hometown to close on a house and I thought about what she would go thru if I got killed on the highway and was left with that guilt for the rest of her life. That would be horrible so I'm going to let it go, but we're going to work on the laziness. Anyone have any suggestions for that?


Start a new thread with a few examples and we at C-D will see what we can do to help.
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Old 06-23-2012, 11:40 AM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
85,028 posts, read 98,908,697 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anadyr21 View Post
I don't recall ever celebrating Mother's Day as a child. It wasn't a big deal. As a parent now, my family will generally acknowledge Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentine's Day, etc, if we happen to remember, which is sometimes, days later, if I'm not paying attention to sales. The only date I care about my son and husband acknowledging is my birthday, which only requires a "Happy Birthday" and a kiss. So, to answer the original question, yes.
That's the way it was when I was growing up, too. Mother's Day was barely acknowledge, ditto Father's Day. When I went off to college, I started appreaciating my parents more, and at least sent a card. Calling was hard back then, no cell phones, the dorm phones didn't "do" long distance. Calling home collect seemed a little tacky.

Now this year, we were out of town for Father's Day, visiting DH's family in Nebraska. The older DD called, but not the younger one. I told DH, she works on Sunday and she'll say she didn't call when she got off b/c she knew we were going to a baseball game. She called on Monday as we were driving back and said exactly that! IMO, she could have tried to call on Sun and at least left a message. That's kids! (She is almost 25.)
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Old 06-24-2012, 08:49 AM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,761,562 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
Thank you. Yes I think I have been a very good parent and I was there for her after her dad left to pursue a selfish lifestyle and he comes to get her about 1x/week and takes her to eat at a cheap restaurant and brings her home an hour later which is why it's so annoying that she honors him more than me. But I will stop whining--it's silly I guess. And then I had a terrible thought yesterday when I went back to my hometown to close on a house and I thought about what she would go thru if I got killed on the highway and was left with that guilt for the rest of her life. That would be horrible so I'm going to let it go, but we're going to work on the laziness. Anyone have any suggestions for that?
Yes -- the custodial parent is the drudge and dreary parent, the one, who has to provide the day-to-day life, make them do homework, get up to go to school in the morning, wash the clothes, fix meals --- and so is the one often taken for granted, the visitation parent can be the fun parent who only has to pick up the kids on a day off. I know a woman whose ex husband had custody and she enjoyed that he and his wife had to do the day-to-day raising of the kids but she could pick them up to go have ice cream and enjoy them when she had a day off work - she said she got to be the fun parent, she didn't have to worry about discipline and homework.

As far as laziness it can sometimes go with the age, but when they're out of high school and still wanting to be lazy then you have to get tough and never give them money or anything. If it's the last summer of being a kid -- just bite your tongue and let them be a kid -- it's only a couple months and then senior year. Things change after high school graduation however - then they really need to get with the program.
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Old 06-26-2012, 10:08 PM
 
706 posts, read 1,724,118 times
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Mothers Day and Fathers Day are contrived days, created and perpetuated by the Gifting Industry. I would teach my children to neglect such days, and expect them to.
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Old 07-22-2013, 07:39 AM
 
1 posts, read 1,114 times
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Hey, I actually had my dd "forget" to give me even a card at Christmas one year. Had the friggin' nerve to beg $ from me to get her dad something, and used the remainder of her paycheck to buy friends presents, but me? Not one thing. All I got was "I didn't have enough $ so when I get paid, I'll get you yours." Course, it never happened. Even a hand-made card would have passed, but not anything. It HURT and it HURT bad. I couldn't say a word cause I was totally speechless. She was 16.
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Old 07-22-2013, 08:10 AM
 
3,072 posts, read 4,065,557 times
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I would not expect my sons to remember or care.
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Old 07-22-2013, 08:55 AM
 
Location: Finland
6,319 posts, read 5,235,282 times
Reputation: 10153
I would always forget mother's day/father's day/birthdays so now my mum sends me a personalised calender every year with all the important days marked clearly with a picture so now I have no excuse to forget. You could try something like that maybe.
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