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Old 06-21-2012, 06:32 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,457 posts, read 16,408,211 times
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Or father's day for that matter? I"m asking b/c my dd did it again--she didn't even bother to say MD, much less get a card or a little gift or anything. I might have been ok with it if she hadn't needed a ride to the mall yesterday to get her dad a belated something--since yesterday was the only day all week that he had time for her. Of course I'm the custodial parent and he's the one who left. I told her my feelings and she's turning it around to something that I just want material goods but I told her I would have been happy with a homemade card--something that showed a little bit of thought.
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Old 06-21-2012, 06:39 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,134 posts, read 22,107,592 times
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How old is she?
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Old 06-21-2012, 07:01 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,457 posts, read 16,408,211 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
How old is she?
17 and we usually get along very well. I mean, I don't think she did it to get back at me so much as I think she was just too lazy to walk on over to walgreens to get a card and a little gift or to dig out some art supplies and make something, but she had no problems asking me to take her to the mall and get something for her dad. And in case you're wondering, she doesn't drive, but I"m thinking that's going to change here really soon and I'm going to push her b/c laziness seems to be a huge problem with her--I mean, more so than your average teenager.
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Old 06-21-2012, 08:11 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,031 posts, read 37,675,762 times
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OMG my kids forget all the time - if we don't prompt them.

On my husband's last birthday, one of my 16-year-olds actually made his dad a card: a Father's Day card. When we all gathered so he could open gifts and cards, the son blurts out, "It's his BIRTHDAY??!" then grabbed the card and scribbled in the correct greeting.

Teens are NOTORIOUSLY self-centered, and in my experience they do not see holidays from an adult point of view. They still only see them as a kid receiving gifts. I'm pretty sure I tried to get my mom to keep writing my name on their Christmas gifts to the family until age 21 or 22 rather than going out on my own.

I know it's harder as a single parent. No one wants to ASK for a card or token of recognition. Not sure what you do now, but maybe if you make a big deal of modeling the proper behavior for her on other holidays and special days for other family members so she gets into the habit of acknowledging family birthdays etc. Mother's Day for Grandma etc. it will register better on her consciousness.

TRY not to read her the riot act or punish her for forgetting you. It's very typical for moms to be the last to be considered. Definitely don't save up your resentment and ruin a holiday with an angry outburst (You NEVER get me anything for Mother's Day!!) Continue to make a big deal out of her birthday, and she will grow up.

Maybe get her to enter big days into a calendar with a reminder function on her phone. Surely she has one of those.
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Old 06-21-2012, 08:17 PM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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Yes, my mother, lol.
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Old 06-21-2012, 09:06 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,457 posts, read 16,408,211 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
TRY not to read her the riot act or punish her for forgetting you. It's very typical for moms to be the last to be considered. Definitely don't save up your resentment and ruin a holiday with an angry outburst (You NEVER get me anything for Mother's Day!!) Continue to make a big deal out of her birthday, and she will grow up.

Maybe get her to enter big days into a calendar with a reminder function on her phone. Surely she has one of those.
Too late--I did let her know that it hurt my feelings very much--I figure that if I suck it up and pretend that it doesn't that she will learn nothing about how others feel about her non-action and or it will come out later in an ill timed comment like you mentioned above. Her answer is that she did clean the house that day but it was at my request so I hardly think it counts and as I was sick in bed that weekend I would have asked her to do that anyway.
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Old 06-21-2012, 09:14 PM
 
1,072 posts, read 2,404,269 times
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I managed to forget my mother's birthday when I was in college. Talked to her that day and everything, just forgot it was her birthday. I felt terrible afterward. The semester had just started up and I was sick, not an excuse but it just slipped my mind.

FWIW, it took a bit of adjustment for my sister and I to remember that we now had to go out and get gifts for our parents without prompting from the other after their divorce. I'm not sure how long you have been divorced, but when dad has always taken you to get a gift for mom and vice versa and then that stops there is an adjustment.

If you get along with your 17 year old most of the time I'd be happy with that, cause it's quite the accomplishment and try not to let this one thing get to you.
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Old 06-21-2012, 11:01 PM
 
Location: central Oregon
1,856 posts, read 2,025,508 times
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For 27 years all I got from my son was a "Happy Mother's Day" in a very bored tone. To me it was no more special than his "Good Morning" or "Good Night".
Two years ago I let my son know that his lack of feelings for me on Mother's Day really hurt. He asked what I meant. I told him that Mother's Day was a day to make mom feel special... a day to honor her and thank her for everything she does for you as a mom.
He looked at me in shock and said, "I thought Mother's Day was a day for mothers to play with their kids, a day to be a mother."
I managed not to laugh and told him he had it all wrong. He actually thought I was supposed to play with him on Mother's Day for all those growing years.
The next year he wanted to take me out to dinner but our favorite place was closed at 4 pm - really dumb on Mother's Day! We ended up having a picnic indoors instead. He made the day special.
He did so again this year.
Sometimes we just have to let them know how we feel. Kids forget that parents have feelings too.
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Old 06-22-2012, 06:42 AM
 
Location: Back in MADISON Wi thank God!
1,047 posts, read 3,236,559 times
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I can understand your feelings, and I would probably feel the same. (although last year my entire family forgot about Mothers day, so I just peacefully worked in my garden) I think that Mothers day has become nothing but a commercialized holiday far from it's original intent. You say that you usually get along well. That's a very big blessing right there! How many Mothers and teen daughters fight constantly? I agree with the person that said teens are notoriously sef centered. I believe thats true. I do think it's ok to remind her, and express the fact that you felt less than appreciated.
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Old 06-22-2012, 07:10 AM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,457 posts, read 16,408,211 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beth98 View Post
I managed to forget my mother's birthday when I was in college. Talked to her that day and everything, just forgot it was her birthday. I felt terrible afterward. The semester had just started up and I was sick, not an excuse but it just slipped my mind.

FWIW, it took a bit of adjustment for my sister and I to remember that we now had to go out and get gifts for our parents without prompting from the other after their divorce. I'm not sure how long you have been divorced, but when dad has always taken you to get a gift for mom and vice versa and then that stops there is an adjustment.

If you get along with your 17 year old most of the time I'd be happy with that, cause it's quite the accomplishment and try not to let this one thing get to you.
See you forgot your mom's b-day, but you felt bad and I believe that you had a great excuse. I actually don't think my dd forgot and she had her older sis to remind her anyway. If she did forget, she's not admitting it and instead turned it around on me and said that I was materialistic. It's like even after I told her it hurt my feelings, she just doesn't get it and she doesn't get why it would bother me that she got something for her dad and not for me and even he, one of the most insensitive people I know, realized why it would be hurtful. He forgot MD once and then a few years later I turned around and forgot FD (not on purpose!) so I understand forgetting an occasion but I don't understand saying that you figured that the person wouldn't care about a gift or card anyway. BTW, her dad and I have been parted for about 3-1/2 years.

And L.K. I do agree that it's become overcommercialized and I don't like corporations dictating to me how I should feel, but let's face it, if it gets left out it hurts. Or if dd feels that way, then she should leave her dad out too and should probably drop her expectations for anything on her b-day as well. (No, I won't do that!)
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