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I would never ASK guests to pay for food. But if they were there that long and offered or wanted certain things - I absolutely let them.
I actually find it tacky that someone would be there that long and not offer to run to the store. At least for basic stuff. Guess my family is a bit different though - we all pitch in and realize it's a nice thing to do while staying at someone's home.
We always make a trip to the store on the first day to at least get cereal, milk, bananas, snacks. I can't imagine staying in someone house for 10 days and not buying some food. That is really inconsiderate.
I would never ASK guests to pay for food. But if they were there that long and offered or wanted certain things - I absolutely let them.
I actually find it tacky that someone would be there that long and not offer to run to the store. At least for basic stuff. Guess my family is a bit different though - we all pitch in and realize it's a nice thing to do while staying at someone's home.
When someone is a GUEST in your home you don't ask them to pay for stuff. Usually a guest would offer to take the host out for a meal (or more for a longer stay).
Do you collect money and pay whoever cooks Thanksgiving dinner also?
When someone is a GUEST in your home you don't ask them to pay for stuff. Usually a guest would offer to take the host out for a meal (or more for a longer stay).
Do you collect money and pay whoever cooks Thanksgiving dinner also?
No one said the host should ASK them. Why do you keep saying that?
No one said the host should ASK them. Why do you keep saying that?
The OP seems to be under the impression that guests in her house should pay for food. When you have houseguests you should expect to pay for food for them.
When someone is a GUEST in your home you don't ask them to pay for stuff. Usually a guest would offer to take the host out for a meal (or more for a longer stay).
Do you collect money and pay whoever cooks Thanksgiving dinner also?
You need to slow down and read. I said I would NOT ask.
Example: my mom and step dad were just here for a week. We took them out to eat twice and I made all other meals. These were on the gourmet side each time. One day I smoked a chicken and two racks of ribs. In other words, I spent a lot of money but we are fine with that, can afford it, they are guests and my parents.
However, when my step dad wanted extra apples and cheese I was more than happy to let him buy them. He wanted some other extra things and I had already been to the store more times than I wanted to. I think they wanted to contribute.
What bothers me (in addition to the lack of adult time, which would be resolved if these people actually put these kids to bed at a decent time, vacation or no vacation) is that they just act like its their house and they just do whatever they want and never OFFER to help pay for things, do things, clean things, etc. They just use the computer, grab things out of the fridge, do 7 loads of laundry, and don't ask permission. They should have the insight to know that this is not courteous, appropriate behavior in someone else's house.
When I was young, I remember my mother saying that I needed to behave 10 times better in someone else's home than I do in my own home. NOT THESE KIDS! Apparently, these kids, when they go to someone else's home, it's their chance to GO BONKERS! RUN WILD!
Again, I would never in a million years do such things in someone else's home, allow children to bother my hosts with running, screaming, using computers, throwing the TV remote on the floor over and over. I would never help myself to other people's food, appliances, etc. I find this beyond tacky and reprehensible.
And no, I can't afford to smoke chickens and cook ribs for a family of 5 for 10 days. Not even 7 days. Not even 5 days.
When someone is a GUEST in your home you don't ask them to pay for stuff. Usually a guest would offer to take the host out for a meal (or more for a longer stay).
Do you collect money and pay whoever cooks Thanksgiving dinner also?
My parents always pay something toward Thanksgiving dinner. It's either my sister or myself hosting the dinner, we alternate years but my mother has taken herself out of the Thanksgiving rotation, so she just gives us a check instead. It's usually $50. I am a very thrifty cook and can make the entire meal and desserts for that amount, we usually just end up spending our own money on the wine.
Back to the OP though, kids being around all day is pretty typical...that's what being a parent is like. Kids getting on the computer or using the tv is normal too, although usually they would ask first. The parents can't be expected to find a sitter in an unfamiliar city. Usually, you set up a tv and dvd player in another room and rent a couple movies that the kids haven't seen yet, and the kids watch movies while the adults visit.
About the laundry, you can't pack enough clothes for 5 people for 10 days and not need to do some laundry. Would you have preferred them going to a laundromat?
I think the length of the visit is the main issue. I would suggest limiting the next visit to 3 or 5 days...3 days if they have to drive a day to get to you, 5 days if they have to drive more than one day to reach you.
The OP seems to be under the impression that guests in her house should pay for food. When you have houseguests you should expect to pay for food for them.
What bothers me (in addition to the lack of adult time, which would be resolved if these people actually put these kids to bed at a decent time, vacation or no vacation, it's a parent's job to enforce rules) is that they just act like its their house and they just do whatever they want and never OFFER to help pay for things, do things, clean things, etc. They just use the computer, grab things out of the fridge, do 7 loads of laundry, and don't ask permission. They should have the insight to know that this is not courteous, appropriate behavior in someone else's house.
When I was young, I remember my mother saying that I needed to behave 10 times better in someone else's home than I do in my own home. NOT THESE KIDS! Apparently, these kids, when they go to someone else's home, it's their chance to GO BONKERS! RUN WILD!
Again, I would never in a million years do such things in someone else's home, allow children to bother my hosts with running. screaming, using computers. I would never help myself to other people's food, appliances, etc. I find this beyond tacky and reprehensible.
You can't really expect three kids to behave themselves 24/7 for ten days. At some point the natural kid behavior is going to come out. The parents should have anticipated that and taken the kids places to tire them out...parks, zoo, etc...but they probably don't have a ton of money or they wouldn't have had to stay with you. Think about it, the kids are used to having things they can do at home, toys to play with, video games, computer stuff, back yard to play in, friends to play with, bikes to ride, etc. Then they come to your house and none of that stuff is there, but they have the same amount of energy as they would have at home. They can't be expected to just sit in silence for ten days, just because you're not used to kids.
I'm not saying this is your fault, but their parents should have anticipated that they'd be really bored while they were there, and brought things for them to do.
The OP seems to be under the impression that guests in her house should pay for food. When you have houseguests you should expect to pay for food for them.
Perhaps, for a reasonable amount of time, and a small amount of people. Five guests for ten days is neither.
I can't say who is more at fault here, since I don't know how the original invitation was extended. Please come? Stay as long as you like? Or, we'll be in your city next week, can we stay with you?
The OP should have spoken up while the visit was going on. It does no good to obsess about it afterwards, except, perhaps, as a warning to be less welcoming next time.
If a child touched my computer without permission, I would have spoken up then and there. If the food ran out, and the budget was out of whack, I would have stood in front of my pantry and offered what was left, including peanut butter sandwiches. The laundry issue would not have bothered me.
Yes, house guests can be rude and clueless, but the host is at fault for not letting her feelings known early, and setting up parameters for the kids.
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