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Old 07-15-2012, 11:15 PM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,683 posts, read 43,130,167 times
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One thing I can't stand...my parents aren't TOO bad, but I'm very independent and I resent them trying to impose their values on me. I do understand they mean well, and I definitely can learn from them, but there's a line you cross when you think that your experience applies 100% to your child's. You think just because you made a mistake, your child will make the same, or that if something applies to you, it will apply to your child. Some parents like to think their children are carbon copies of them but some don't realize they are separate people, with different personalities, goals, values.etc. If I have children I'll try to support them, give advice, without being so judgemental, trying to tell them what to do, and then childishly telling them 'I told you so' when things go wrong. I just resent people trying to control other people's lives or being such know-it-alls.

 
Old 07-15-2012, 11:31 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
5,944 posts, read 6,379,685 times
Reputation: 3018
Post no further, you're young, you're wrong and your feelings are unjust due to your age....or so you'll be told here.
 
Old 07-16-2012, 04:32 AM
 
3,634 posts, read 9,231,775 times
Reputation: 6384
Post again when you are 30. Hopefully, you will find happiness, a career, have friends, etc. That is also what your parents hope for you.
 
Old 07-16-2012, 05:42 AM
 
Location: Central, NJ
2,310 posts, read 4,813,326 times
Reputation: 2964
Some people are judgmental know it alls. If they were highly critical of you growing up, it won't change when you are an adult. As long as you are financially independent just say 'thanks but no thanks' to their advice. If you are still dependent on them you'll just have to listen to an earful every time you cash their check.
 
Old 07-16-2012, 05:55 AM
 
5,210 posts, read 8,807,408 times
Reputation: 5865
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
One thing I can't stand...my parents aren't TOO bad, but I'm very independent and I resent them trying to impose their values on me. I do understand they mean well, and I definitely can learn from them, but there's a line you cross when you think that your experience applies 100% to your child's. You think just because you made a mistake, your child will make the same, or that if something applies to you, it will apply to your child. Some parents like to think their children are carbon copies of them but some don't realize they are separate people, with different personalities, goals, values.etc. If I have children I'll try to support them, give advice, without being so judgemental, trying to tell them what to do, and then childishly telling them 'I told you so' when things go wrong. I just resent people trying to control other people's lives or being such know-it-alls.
Hey, we can spot a train wreck waiting to happen when we see one. What can I say? We've learned through our own tough times and hard experiences what to do and what not to do. And it is hard to see our own kids making the same stupid mistakes that we did. Parental instinct kicks in, and we try to push our babies off of the track..

But you're right. Sometimes what works for one person might not work for another. There is always a chance that parental instinct is wrong, but usually no. So, please, humor us and at least hear us out.

(BTW - I don't have grown children, yet, but I remember feeling the same way as you do when I was a young adult.)
 
Old 07-16-2012, 06:14 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
3,388 posts, read 3,226,271 times
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Eh, I think there are know-it-all, controlling people in all kinds of relationships, some happen to be parents. It is developmentally normal to struggle with one's parents about things like this in early adulthood. If it persists into later adulthood, I would suggest either learning to respectfully tune it out, respectfully listen and then do what you want, or respectfully discuss the pattern with the parents and ask them to stop doing it.
 
Old 07-16-2012, 06:30 AM
 
27,993 posts, read 19,647,023 times
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I really hope to avoid this with my own children. I think DH and I are on the path to that. We both completely understand that our children are separate individuals who will have their own ideas about the world. There are certain things that are non-negotiable, but on the whole, we believe in supporting our children in their choices.

Sometimes, with parents, you have to be brutally honest. If this is a pattern of behavior, you should address it with them.
 
Old 07-16-2012, 06:43 AM
 
5,210 posts, read 8,807,408 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eastwesteastagain View Post
Eh, I think there are know-it-all, controlling people in all kinds of relationships, some happen to be parents. It is developmentally normal to struggle with one's parents about things like this in early adulthood. If it persists into later adulthood, I would suggest either learning to respectfully tune it out, respectfully listen and then do what you want, or respectfully discuss the pattern with the parents and ask them to stop doing it.
I think it would depend a lot on the dynamics of the situation. How dependant the grown child was on the parent, if at all.
 
Old 07-16-2012, 06:50 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
3,388 posts, read 3,226,271 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by springfieldva View Post
I think it would depend a lot on the dynamics of the situation. How dependant the grown child was on the parent, if at all.
I would think so, too. I was going on the assumption of normative development where the adult child is independent, but I believe you are correct that the devil is probably in the details.
 
Old 07-16-2012, 07:06 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,426 posts, read 35,707,564 times
Reputation: 38829
Quote:
Originally Posted by eastwesteastagain View Post
Eh, I think there are know-it-all, controlling people in all kinds of relationships, some happen to be parents.

Yep... and some happen to be adult children.
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