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Old 06-25-2010, 03:29 PM
 
Location: Australia
1,492 posts, read 3,227,338 times
Reputation: 1723

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To me there are a couple of important things that a couple need to get right or eventually the mariage and kids will just fall apart.

First mom and dad need to understand and respect each other.
Someone needs to stay home with and for the kids.

Personally I think that in general, then man should work and the wife should stay home but that is just me. I know several families where the man stays home and the wife works.

I am OK with the kid going to child care a couple of days per week.
I am NOT OK with the kid going to childcare 5 days per week.

In my opinion, if a couple are planning to both work full time then dont have kids.

To me it is pretty simple - Priorities. If work is priority then work. If kids will be your priority then have kids. It ends up being where you invest your time.
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Old 06-25-2010, 03:47 PM
 
Location: NJ
17,574 posts, read 46,063,218 times
Reputation: 16273
Quote:
Originally Posted by aidxen View Post
To me there are a couple of important things that a couple need to get right or eventually the mariage and kids will just fall apart.

First mom and dad need to understand and respect each other.
Someone needs to stay home with and for the kids.

Personally I think that in general, then man should work and the wife should stay home but that is just me. I know several families where the man stays home and the wife works.

I am OK with the kid going to child care a couple of days per week.
I am NOT OK with the kid going to childcare 5 days per week.

In my opinion, if a couple are planning to both work full time then dont have kids.

To me it is pretty simple - Priorities. If work is priority then work. If kids will be your priority then have kids. It ends up being where you invest your time.
In my opinion I think it is fine for a child to be in daycare 5 days per week.
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Old 06-25-2010, 06:06 PM
 
17,183 posts, read 22,839,457 times
Reputation: 17473
Quote:
Originally Posted by superk View Post
I would give anything to walk away from working forever and stay at home full-time taking care of kids. I'm sure it would be a much more rewarding experience than any job could ever be.
While it can be rewarding, it can also be exhausting. I think most men do not realize how difficult this can be. I love dads who can do it, but it is not for everyone, not even for many women.

Dorothy
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Old 06-25-2010, 06:18 PM
 
17,183 posts, read 22,839,457 times
Reputation: 17473
Quote:
Originally Posted by aidxen View Post
To me there are a couple of important things that a couple need to get right or eventually the mariage and kids will just fall apart.

First mom and dad need to understand and respect each other.
Someone needs to stay home with and for the kids.

Personally I think that in general, then man should work and the wife should stay home but that is just me. I know several families where the man stays home and the wife works.

I am OK with the kid going to child care a couple of days per week.
I am NOT OK with the kid going to childcare 5 days per week.

In my opinion, if a couple are planning to both work full time then dont have kids.

To me it is pretty simple - Priorities. If work is priority then work. If kids will be your priority then have kids. It ends up being where you invest your time.
If you are speaking of infancy, I can see why you might feel that childcare for 5 days a week is not a good option. However, good quality childcare is generally not detrimental even for infants. Who the infant is cared for is less important than a good relationship that includes lots of cuddling and carrying (doesn't always happen at home, btw). Many very wealthy families have always had nannies to care for their children and I cannot see that the children were the worse for that as long as the nanny relationship was a good one.

At any rate, toddlers and older children can often benefit from 5 days a week in a high quality daycare. The big problem is finding that high quality.

Dorothy
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Old 06-26-2010, 06:57 AM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,570,473 times
Reputation: 22474
Whatever the couple decides they should do is up to them. They shouldn't care what other people think - if they decide that the wife should be the breadwinner - for whatever reason, and the husband prefers to be the stay-at-home parent, that's totally up to them.
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Old 06-26-2010, 01:23 PM
 
5,697 posts, read 19,109,892 times
Reputation: 8699
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmonellie View Post
I know I'm derailing (for a moment) the thread, but what is with the bizarre caps?

I RealLy dON'T UnderStaNd.

Signed,

a coNfuSed englISH maJOR.
ha ha ha! I wAs wOnDering The sAme thinG. Maybe they are using their cell phones. I know my phone will automatically cap the first letter sometimes even though I am not done with a sentence. Drives me nuts!
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Old 06-26-2010, 05:57 PM
 
Location: Maryland
2,652 posts, read 4,790,465 times
Reputation: 2331
Quote:
Originally Posted by needhalc View Post
I feel your pain. DH does his best, but will never do everything that I did...not sure why, just can't seem to do it. I end up picking up the slack...mostly with the stuff other than cleaning...calling for services, organizing, things like that...running a house is more than just washing dishes. It has been a source of frustration to some degree. Lets just say I'm ready for him to go back to work...I'm not a huge fan of the sole breadwinner thing either...tried it, don't like it. But my kids are better for it...so happy we did it.
This is the problem with SAHD. Women think he SHOULD do everything she THINKS she would do, if she was home. Never totally hand over the ropes of the house.

I'm sure I've heard women telling their working husbands. When you come home you don't help. You don't help with kids. You don't help with ... Same thing here.

When I was married. My exh would have dinner on Fri-Sat. He would order pizza or McD's. He said, you can't govern how I feed the kids. You know what. I pushed back. I allowed him to feed them whatever. I was better for it.
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Old 06-26-2010, 06:09 PM
 
Location: Orlando, FL
12,200 posts, read 18,346,500 times
Reputation: 6655
When my boyfriend got laid off he stayed home with my son and I worked. Daycare was running us $170 a week at the time and it just made more sense for us financially.
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Old 06-26-2010, 10:35 PM
 
5,697 posts, read 19,109,892 times
Reputation: 8699
I have no problems with men staying home with their kids. Whatever works. But I do think a man would experience certain set backs when he did return to work. I think society has not fully accepted this concept of SAHD's. I have stayed home and entered the work force several times over the years. After each break from the work force it was difficult for me to get back in. I am now a stay at home mom and looking for a job. This last time though was due to a lay off and a job relocation for my husband.

My husband would not do well staying at home. He is too hyper, lacks patience and all of us would have pink socks due to his poor laundry skills.
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Old 06-26-2010, 10:41 PM
 
1,786 posts, read 3,455,262 times
Reputation: 3099
I just wanted to put a quick post here: I spent a few hours today with a friend who is a single Dad of a 9 month old child. I came home and needed to take a nap! Whichever parent stays home, I just wanted to say that I BOW to all of you. It is truly a full-time job, with no let-up requiring eyes ALL over your body!! Very exhausting stuff. You are all my new heroes!
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