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Old 07-16-2012, 10:38 AM
 
2 posts, read 2,146 times
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I am currently looking to move but am an only child at age 40+. My mother is an obnoxious 80 yr old who would have to come to live with us. She thinks that the thought of moving is a passing fancy and we'll get it out of our systems. I can't live in this state anymore because of financial reasons, chances of a better education for my child, cost of living, etc. She is very good at making me feel guilty and complains that she couldn't stand being around my better half 24/7. I want to move but want to avoid the drama and headache of the silent treatment she'll give me if I decide to move and she doesn't. Any suggestion?
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Old 07-16-2012, 10:45 AM
 
12,161 posts, read 9,884,333 times
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I am perpetually amazed by the number of people on this board who allow themselves to be treated badly. Consider the siltent treatment to be a bunch of BS you don't have to listen to. Put your big boy.girl panties on and grow a spine.
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Old 07-16-2012, 11:44 AM
 
12,886 posts, read 15,435,478 times
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What could be better than the "silent treatment"...at least it's silent.....just do whats best for you and your family...mothers just there for the ride...she's nearing her end, and hasn't the responsibilities you have......and if it proves better for you...it'll prove better for her....
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Old 07-16-2012, 12:18 PM
 
13,169 posts, read 20,795,870 times
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If your mother is difficult now, the situation will not improve by removing her from her friends and daily routines. If you do, you will be her only source of entertainment.

When my father was very ill, my eldest brother, thinking he was relieving my father of a major concern, promised he would move my mother across the country into his home. My father was appalled at the idea. He made us all promise we would not even broach the subject for a full year after he died. By that time, my mother had resumed her friendships and social life, and it was easy to see that moving her would have been a mistake.

My suggestion would be to tell your mother you are moving (for legitimate reasons, so don't be apologetic about them), and would like to have her visit after you settle in, in about 6 months. At that time, if she still wants to move in, and I doubt she will, at least the decision was not made in haste.
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Old 07-16-2012, 12:28 PM
 
Location: Back at home in western Washington!
1,490 posts, read 3,948,303 times
Reputation: 3226
I've gotta throw it out there...

Why are you being forced to take Mom with? At 80 years old, she would well qualify for several nice retirement homes . If she doesn't want to move when you do *shrug* leave her there.

I know it sounds cold-hearted, but I can't imagine dragging someone to another state that I KNEW was going to make my life hell. Think about your child and all the strife he / she would have to hear and live with. Think about your marriage... I'm certain Mom is taking a toll on your relationship.
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Old 07-16-2012, 12:33 PM
 
5,210 posts, read 9,130,792 times
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You want to move. You call your mom "obnoxious" and "controlling". And she can't stand to be around your husband 24/7.

You say that if you moved she "would have to come to live with" you? Seriously? Surely, there must be better options. Why couldn't she move into her own place if she wanted to move to be near you? If the new area would be cheaper for you, why wouldn't it be less expensive for her, too?
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Old 07-16-2012, 04:16 PM
 
1,422 posts, read 4,635,901 times
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Quote:
I want to move but want to avoid the drama and headache of the silent treatment she'll give me if I decide to move and she doesn't. Any suggestion?
Yes, move without her. Then she'll give you the silent treatment, and that should work fine for you since you find her obnoxious, anyway. What drama? What headache? From the silence?
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Old 07-16-2012, 07:52 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,172,097 times
Reputation: 22373
You can't be part of the drama if you are not playing into it. So if she gives you the silent treatment . . . just carry right on. So what? When toxic people in my life give me the silent treatment, I count my blessings, lol.

I had one such drama queen (close relative) tell me she was never going to speak to me again, and I said "promise?" I think she must have assumed I would try to "keep the peace" and suck up her treatment of me just to keep her in the fold, so to speak . . . that was 10 years ago this past March. I am not even sure where she lives at this point and do not care enough to check it out.

No one can take advantage of you unless you are willing to allow it to happen.
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Old 07-16-2012, 08:34 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 30,094,556 times
Reputation: 32406
You need to do what you need to do. If you want to move, move. If your mom decides she wants to move too, she can find her own place near you, or you can help move her into a retirement home. You will resent her forever, and hate yourself if you allow her to move in with you.
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Old 07-16-2012, 08:36 PM
 
18,852 posts, read 31,722,131 times
Reputation: 26118
Just move. It is your life. Sure...she will guilt trip you...tell her she has many options...but controlling your life and career is not one of them.
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