How Do You Handle...............? (baby, child, 18 year old, grandmother)
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Not all places have a special rootbeer. If money is a problem you don't go to the places that have a special rootbeer. You go to the place that has generic rootbeers and free refills. I'd stress that to grandma. If it's not on the menu, they can't order it.
Most places have paper menus available. Start collecting them and give them to Grandma to keep so she has an idea going in how much the tab is going to run. She can also speak up and say, "We're going to X".
To me, a growing boy is 12. If this guy is 19 and ordering multiple items off the menu when someone treats him to a meal, it's rude. I don't see it as your mother's place to limit him. At 19, he should be gracious for the treat and should self-impose limits on himself if someone is picking up the tab.
If your mother pays for it and lets him do that, there's no much you can do. Your mother is complaining about overspending and you have given her a solution to that. That she chooses not to take it is on her. It's all about what you can do versus what you will do.
That's one of the most farcical things I have ever read on here. If anyone's on a budget, they should not be allowed to treat other people.
If you treat someone, you treat them to the fullest without imposing limits. There's the added risk of being taken advantage of, and that's part of the whole deal about treating a family member.
Not all places have a special rootbeer. If money is a problem you don't go to the places that have a special rootbeer. You go to the place that has generic rootbeers and free refills. I'd stress that to grandma. If it's not on the menu, they can't order it.
Most places have paper menus available. Start collecting them and give them to Grandma to keep so she has an idea going in how much the tab is going to run. She can also speak up and say, "We're going to X".
My mother always asks the kids where they wanna eat, but lets the little one have the final say. The older one always manipulates (?) his little brother into choosing the place HE wants. Nice, huh?
That's one of the most farcical things I have ever read on here. If anyone's on a budget, they should not be allowed to treat other people.
If you treat someone, you treat them to the fullest without imposing limits. There's the added risk of being taken advantage of, and that's part of the whole deal about treating a family member.
Sorry, but this is bunk. Most sane people set limits when eating out with kids.
Sorry, but this is bunk. Most sane people set limits when eating out with kids.
This ^^^. Plus most respectful people would impose limits on what they order. If smeone treats me, I'm not gonna order a ton of food just because the meal is on them.
We set limits. From the time they were small they were taught how to read a menu and that included the prices. There would be times, obviously, they wanted a particular thing they knew was expensive and they'd ask if they could have it. They also did that with their grandparents. And there were times we were celebrating something and everyone went in knowing they could order whatever they wanted.
By the time they hit your son's age we pretty much zeroed in on the all-you-can-eat places.
That's one of the most farcical things I have ever read on here. If anyone's on a budget, they should not be allowed to treat other people.
If you treat someone, you treat them to the fullest without imposing limits. There's the added risk of being taken advantage of, and that's part of the whole deal about treating a family member.
Hogwash. You set limits beginning when the children are young, and save them making faux pas when they are older. If your boss takes you to dinner, I would not recommend scouting out the most expensive thing you can find on the menu. You take your cue from the host. If he or she says, "order whatever you would like", you STILL shouldn't order the surf and turf.
We usually let our kids order according to their likes, within reason. A restaurant is not the place to ask to try the lobster, only to decide you don't like it.
Back to the OP, that 19 yr old sounds like a self entitled brat. Grandma would be doing him a favor by setting limits.
Just curious - how often is she doing this and... does she pay for you too?
At the end of the day, yes, he's being rude as he's old enough to know better - you would hope. But, if she's been doing this for quite some time and she's always allowed him to pick whatever he wanted, she has set a precedence. And it doesn't sound like her only option to to take them out to eat in order to see them - you said she just doesn't want to cook for them at home.
She's a grown woman who doesn't know how to properly budget when she needs to and set limits even for herself. So she's not setting a great example for the 19 year old.
She need to stop asking where they want to go. If she doesn't want to cook and eating out is the only option then she picks where she can afford. And if someone orders over her budget then she needs to speak up! Good grief. She shouldn't feel guilty if he goes home and then eats more - isn't that what they all do anyway at that age? My 18 year old can eat a full meal, then an hour later make himself and sandwich, then after that have a bowl of cereal.
Does this 19 year old not work and earn any of his own money so that he can learn the value of a dollar?
I'm 32 now and I'm not blasting my boss' wallet/purse when I get treated by him/her.
Has also helped me become a very generous host.
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