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Old 08-09-2012, 01:26 PM
 
Location: Geneva, IL
12,982 posts, read 12,253,000 times
Reputation: 14820

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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
I disagree. That would have humiliated the girl at the table, and the consequences would have been worse. I think that the parents should have said something to her AFTERWARD, and not put her through a guilt trip. However, her Dad is so "checked out" (his parents were hellish) and her Mom is such a cold fish, that I doubt anything was said.
So you're saying the kid humiliated the aunt, but you don't think she should have been disciplined then and there because it would have embarassed her? Umm, yes, that's exactly why.
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Old 08-09-2012, 01:28 PM
 
32,532 posts, read 30,651,383 times
Reputation: 32347
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
I disagree. That would have humiliated the girl at the table, and the consequences would have been worse. I think that the parents should have said something to her AFTERWARD, and not put her through a guilt trip. However, her Dad is so "checked out" (his parents were hellish) and her Mom is such a cold fish, that I doubt anything was said.
If you care so much why didn't you just shoot her the "not cool" look and be done with it?

Once again, as is often the case on Parenting, I don't think your OP is about what happened at all. I think it's about your disapproval of what sounds like family. If you don't like the parents, don't socialize with them. Simple.
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Old 08-09-2012, 01:36 PM
 
14,752 posts, read 28,608,889 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zimbochick View Post
So you're saying the kid humiliated the aunt, but you don't think she should have been disciplined then and there because it would have embarassed her? Umm, yes, that's exactly why.
It would have solved nothing. I don't think the aunt was humiliated, just caught off guard. I never said this should be dismissed. It needed to be addressed with privacy, decency and concern. Thank you.
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Old 08-09-2012, 01:38 PM
 
14,752 posts, read 28,608,889 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
If you care so much why didn't you just shoot her the "not cool" look and be done with it?

Once again, as is often the case on Parenting, I don't think your OP is about what happened at all. I think it's about your disapproval of what sounds like family. If you don't like the parents, don't socialize with them. Simple.
I don't. I was socializing with the 2 aunts, so I couldn't remove myself from the group. Furthermore, in past meals together, something like this never went down.
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Old 08-09-2012, 01:44 PM
 
13,161 posts, read 20,783,837 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
It would have solved nothing. I don't think the aunt was humiliated, just caught off guard. I never said this should be dismissed. It needed to be addressed with privacy, decency and concern. Thank you.
It would have solved the problem of a child acting inappropriately and not being called on it. What good does it do to wait until later, in private, if the offended party isn't aware it was addressed? If any of my kids did something untoward to anybody else, they were told to apologized immediately. If the girl was humiliated it would reinforce the lesson.

YOU were obviously made uncomfortable by her behavior, correct? The apology should have been made to the entire table.
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Old 08-09-2012, 01:54 PM
 
32,532 posts, read 30,651,383 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
I don't. I was socializing with the 2 aunts, so I couldn't remove myself from the group. Furthermore, in past meals together, something like this never went down.
In the future if you want to socialize with the two aunts ask if this family will be there. If they say, "yes" don't go.

Simple.
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Old 08-09-2012, 02:44 PM
 
Location: Geneva, IL
12,982 posts, read 12,253,000 times
Reputation: 14820
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
It would have solved nothing. I don't think the aunt was humiliated, just caught off guard. I never said this should be dismissed. It needed to be addressed with privacy, decency and concern. Thank you.
Her actions were embarassing to herself and her aunt, or should have been. If she were younger, then I'd agree to talking to her privately, but at 12 she should have known better, and the matter should have been addressed immediately. It could still have been done tactfully, but seeing as nothing was done, I don't know where "decency and concern" enter into it.
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Old 08-09-2012, 07:11 PM
 
14,752 posts, read 28,608,889 times
Reputation: 8780
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zimbochick View Post
Her actions were embarassing to herself and her aunt, or should have been. If she were younger, then I'd agree to talking to her privately, but at 12 she should have known better, and the matter should have been addressed immediately. It could still have been done tactfully, but seeing as nothing was done, I don't know where "decency and concern" enter into it.
The table was full of people - their family, the aunts, strangers. Why treat everyone to a scene? As long as they talked to her later... and were firm but fair.
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Old 08-09-2012, 07:41 PM
 
1,677 posts, read 2,057,913 times
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I would have said something then and there. Unless this 12 year old is suffering from some sort of developmental delay, she surely knows that wasn't appropriate. If she wanted to joke around or be silly, she sure didn't wait until she and her aunt were alone to do that, she chose to do it at a table full of family and strangers. She chose to make her aunt uncomfortable at least, and embarrassed at most. She wouldn't get the privilege of a nice, private talk while cozy in bed. Embarrass others, and get the same in return. I do hope that it was at the very least addressed at a later time.

I wonder what the reaction would have been if she had been sitting on her uncle's lap and grabbed his package in front of everyone. Would someone have spoken up then?
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Old 08-09-2012, 07:55 PM
 
14,752 posts, read 28,608,889 times
Reputation: 8780
Maybe I should have thrown in a poll.

Discipline in front of everyone, OR
Discipline alone, and from the parents.

I'm of the train of thought that this WAS inappropriate. Clearly, this girl is hurting in some way. Why make it sting even more? If anything, the situation needs to be ameliorated and the girl's hurt needs to be reduced.
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