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Old 08-09-2012, 08:22 PM
 
1,677 posts, read 2,056,854 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
Maybe I should have thrown in a poll.

Discipline in front of everyone, OR
Discipline alone, and from the parents.

I'm of the train of thought that this WAS inappropriate. Clearly, this girl is hurting in some way. Why make it sting even more? If anything, the situation needs to be ameliorated and the girl's hurt needs to be reduced.
Well I guess it depends on what the girl's problem is. If she is suffering in some way, deal with it privately. If she was just being an ass, deal with it publicly.
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Old 08-11-2012, 10:44 PM
 
Location: Duluth, Minnesota, USA
7,653 posts, read 15,327,023 times
Reputation: 6670
A 12-year-old girl doing that would be very strange indeed. Most 12-year-olds are rather shy about that kind of thing...
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Old 08-14-2012, 08:11 AM
 
Location: Cary NC
1,049 posts, read 1,435,849 times
Reputation: 2428
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
It would have solved the problem of a child acting inappropriately and not being called on it. What good does it do to wait until later, in private, if the offended party isn't aware it was addressed? If any of my kids did something untoward to anybody else, they were told to apologized immediately. If the girl was humiliated it would reinforce the lesson.

YOU were obviously made uncomfortable by her behavior, correct? The apology should have been made to the entire table.
Absolutely she would remember that experience and not repeat it. Also anyone who saw the 12 year olds behavior were probably more embarassed by it than they would have been by a public discipline.
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Old 06-28-2019, 05:29 AM
 
1 posts, read 233 times
Reputation: 10
i would avoid disciplining in public unless behavior continued, for the simple reason if she is being abused by someone there she will be more likely to keep it secret and maybe even think the abuse could be her fault. Definitely needs addressed between the aunt the girl and her parents.
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Old 06-28-2019, 05:58 AM
 
Location: Plainfield NJ
311 posts, read 109,071 times
Reputation: 1216
I think public shaming would be worse than addressing it later. They can always call or meet up with aunt later and make her apologize if after speaking to her they decided that was the best course of action. But drawing attention to it without knowing her motives might have made it worse and would have further embarrassed the aunt. its easy to just shrug it off at the dinner table and not get embarrassed but if her parents made a big scene it would have been embarrassing for everyone.
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Old 06-28-2019, 01:13 PM
 
991 posts, read 714,907 times
Reputation: 3798
That is atypical behavior.

Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
The table was full of people - their family, the aunts, strangers. Why treat everyone to a scene? As long as they talked to her later... and were firm but fair.
Oh, hell no!

We do not avoid appropriate disciplinary actions so as not to "make a scene."

I'm a parent of a neurotypical daughter, and if she did something like that, the whole world would come to a full stop until she had been corrected, made a sincere apology, indicated that she understood what was and was not socially appropriate (and that she would never do it again), and been served with appropriate medium-term consequences.

Then, I would expect my children and our guests to move on with supper.

If she chose not to apologize or was unable to control her negative emotions to being punished (storming off, breaking down, etc.), then she would be removed from the supper and served with more severe and longer-term consequences later.

Positive reinforcement is the ideal, but negative reinforcement certainly has a place in child-rearing.
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Old 06-28-2019, 01:16 PM
 
991 posts, read 714,907 times
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Because the absolute last<bleep> thing I want to teach my daughter is that you should keep quiet about inappropriate sexual conduct, so as not to "make a scene."

Last edited by Miss Blue; 07-01-2019 at 05:51 AM.. Reason: deleted the filtered word
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Old 06-28-2019, 01:20 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,007 posts, read 17,320,800 times
Reputation: 41270
Quote:
Originally Posted by wac_432 View Post
Because the absolute last thing I want to teach my daughter is that you should keep quiet about inappropriate sexual conduct, so as not to "make a scene."
Well said.

BTW this is a very old thread.

Last edited by Miss Blue; 07-01-2019 at 05:52 AM..
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Old 06-28-2019, 07:50 PM
 
Location: USA
2,660 posts, read 2,033,078 times
Reputation: 4362
If my niece or nephew did that to me on purpose, I'd smack them and tell 'em to keep their paws off of me.
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Old 06-28-2019, 11:40 PM
 
Location: North Dakota
7,721 posts, read 9,015,236 times
Reputation: 11078
Quote:
Originally Posted by matthewsfx View Post
i would avoid disciplining in public unless behavior continued, for the simple reason if she is being abused by someone there she will be more likely to keep it secret and maybe even think the abuse could be her fault. Definitely needs addressed between the aunt the girl and her parents.
The girl is now 19. If she's still doing this there's a problem.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LO28SWM View Post
I think public shaming would be worse than addressing it later. They can always call or meet up with aunt later and make her apologize if after speaking to her they decided that was the best course of action. But drawing attention to it without knowing her motives might have made it worse and would have further embarrassed the aunt. its easy to just shrug it off at the dinner table and not get embarrassed but if her parents made a big scene it would have been embarrassing for everyone.
It's public disciplining. Can we stop using thatModerator cut: delete word shaming all the time? This isn't shaming. And I do agree, unless it kept happening discipline in private.

Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34 View Post
If my niece or nephew did that to me on purpose, I'd smack them and tell 'em to keep their paws off of me.
Cue the comments from delicate people in three, two, one...

Last edited by Miss Blue; 07-01-2019 at 05:54 AM.. Reason: orphaned word has been deleted
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