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Old 08-10-2012, 10:24 AM
 
17,183 posts, read 22,779,379 times
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I admit to wanting to be near the grandchildren partly because my parents were already dead when I had my kids and my husband's parents never really visited us - we had to visit them despite the fact that they were retired and we were working. Not only that but when we did visit, they did not spend much quality time with the kids anyway, so when they died, my kids really had no connection to them.

I don't want that to be the case with either set of grandparents for my grandchildren. I like building memories with them. They see their other set of grandparents at least twice a year, but that's not quite the same.
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Old 08-10-2012, 10:27 AM
 
Location: Texas
44,256 posts, read 64,099,601 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
How come some people think it is neccesary for them to live in the same city or state as their chidlren and grandkids

Me myself I will be moving next yr and i will be exactly 8 hrs away from my children and grandkids and i think that is great myself because they have their lives and i have mine and I will see them about 3 times a year . my sister thinks that is awful and that I should live in the same city as my kids and grandkids like she does . she always says "well they can move where they want to when im dead ", I think that is a selfish attitude to have concerning your kids and grandkids . what do you all say ? How many of you live in the same state or city as your kids and grandkids ? I think that also creates alot of drama so when they have a fight with the s/o they can go running home to mama or daddy . Please let me know your thoughts on this .
Because some of us want our family to be part of our daily lives.
That is what family means to us.
Not some distant relatives you see on occasion. But people who know your children and you and your spouse and you're all best friends and spend time together regularly. I want my son to bond to his grandparents and uncles and cousins and be family.

I think if I didn't like my family (or my spouse's family), it would be nice not to live too close to them. But I like my family.
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Old 09-18-2012, 12:56 PM
 
Location: AZ
741 posts, read 1,673,205 times
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We are about to buy a home..and hubby REALLY wanted to buy his dream home, in Texas (he was raised in TX)..I kinda love TX also, and the houses are much bigger and cheaper in some parts, than here in AZ. I put my foot down to hubby though, and told him that we are buying our house here, in AZ, because I refuse to leave my 2 adult kids, my Grandson that is about to be born, and my elderly parents that will probably need me in some way..very soon.. They are 80 and 78, and I just cant leave them or my adult kids..
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Old 09-18-2012, 01:18 PM
 
4,043 posts, read 7,411,037 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
Me myself I will be moving next yr and i will be exactly 8 hrs away from my children and grandkids and i think that is great myself because they have their lives and i have mine and I will see them about 3 times a year . my sister thinks that is awful and that I should live in the same city as my kids and grandkids like she does . she always says "well they can move where they want to when im dead ", I think that is a selfish attitude to have concerning your kids and grandkids . what do you all say ? How many of you live in the same state or city as your kids and grandkids ? I think that also creates alot of drama so when they have a fight with the s/o they can go running home to mama or daddy . Please let me know your thoughts on this .
Have you ever heard of this thing called "family"?

Yeah...families have this funky habit of wanting to build mutually supportive networks, whether material or psychological. They have this weird habit of wanting to be around each other, as opposed to largely estranged.

I dunno...some things are just crazy in life.

Now seriously speaking, do you even realize how twisted, upside-down and ridiculous your question is?
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Old 09-18-2012, 01:44 PM
 
Location: IL
2,987 posts, read 5,228,920 times
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I responded to this a while back and just now read the post-post comments. I believe the main point is that family means different things to different people. For me, I really like being near my family (and my wife's family). We love getting together for holidays. I moved to within 2 hours of my parents after we had our first child, as we felt it was really important for our kids to have a strong relationship with family. Our kids now love to get to see my parents, they get so excited...and my parents love seeing the kids, it is an awesome relationship that makes everyone happy. I also think it is a great influence on my children.

Others don't have that kind of a relationship with their parents and I understand them not wanting to be too near their kids/parents. Some grandparents aren't a great influence on kids, etc.
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Old 09-18-2012, 02:02 PM
 
567 posts, read 1,008,675 times
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Necessary? No, but most parents I would think would want to see their children and grandchildren more than 3 times a year. Your only 8 hrs away? Why not visit each other more than 3 times a year?

You can still have your own life living in the same city as your kids. Your post makes little to no sense imo.
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Old 09-18-2012, 03:18 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 4,479,505 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pentatonic View Post
Necessary? No, but most parents I would think would want to see their children and grandchildren more than 3 times a year. Your only 8 hrs away? Why not visit each other more than 3 times a year?

You can still have your own life living in the same city as your kids. Your post makes little to no sense imo.

I am just responding to the part about visiting more than 3x a year.... We live about 7 hours from our family, we go home every year during the Summer, every Christmas and one or 2 more times for other things...
We use to be able to go home for alot more, all the birthdays,etc.. But it has gotten more difficult with activities, school. Work,etc..
My husband also does not want to use all his vacation time to spend visitng people, we would like to take an actual vacation somewhere other than where we grew up.

My parents are getting older and the 7 hour drive is difficult on my father, so they come once in the Summer and possibly 1 other time during the year. I also have a diabled sister that they have to care for and it is difficult for them to travel with her.

So, while it is easy to say people should visit more & I wish we could, anything more than a 3-4 hour drive seems to be more difficult to do on a consistent basis these days...
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Old 09-18-2012, 03:19 PM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,131,775 times
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Different strokes for different folks.
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Old 09-18-2012, 09:11 PM
 
10,629 posts, read 26,641,211 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
Me myself I will be moving next yr and i will be exactly 8 hrs away from my children and grandkids and i think that is great myself because they have their lives and i have mine and I will see them about 3 times a year . my sister thinks that is awful and that I should live in the same city as my kids and grandkids like she does . she always says "well they can move where they want to when im dead ", I think that is a selfish attitude to have concerning your kids and grandkids . what do you all say ? How many of you live in the same state or city as your kids and grandkids ? I think that also creates alot of drama so when they have a fight with the s/o they can go running home to mama or daddy . Please let me know your thoughts on this .
We've lived both in the same city as some of the grandparents as well as very far away, and it was such a luxury to have grandparents nearby! I know the grandparents liked having us nearby, too. On the other hand, it's also fun to both visit and get visits, although that can be expensive.

I don't think drama is an issue. Or, rather, families who have a lot of drama will have it whether or not they live in the same area. If they live far apart the drama will just be over the phone or via email.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. It's not selfish to live in different cities. It does inherently cause drama if you do live in the same city. Families can still be very close even if you don't live in the same location. It's definitely not "necessary" to live in the same place, although for many people it's certainly nice to be able to see your parents/children in person more frequently than is typically possible if you live far away.
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Old 09-19-2012, 12:48 AM
 
16,488 posts, read 24,405,807 times
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I am very close to my kids. One son lives a few blocks from me and my other 2 sons live with me. Even when they move out they will stay in this town. We love it here and I love having my children close.
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