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When we first moved in to our current house our son was 6. The people behind us had a girl around his age and so they asked if DS could come over and play.
He did it once. The next time they asked he didn't want to go - didn't really like the girl for whatever reason.
Can't even begin to tell you how awkward that was! I had to keep coming up with excuses. They finally got the hint, but living directly behind us..... they never really spoke to us much after that. We were neighbors for 12 years before they recently moved!
I always asked my kids. But there were also a few times where something would come up like... maybe I was going for a walk with a new friend and the new friend happened to have a child of similar age or interests as one of my own. So I would bring along my kiddo and she would bring along hers and it was sort of a blind playdate sort of situation.
But usually, if someone called asking if so-and-so could play, or the parent called suggesting a get-together, I would talk to my kids about it first. I'd respond with a "That sounds great but let me talk it over with my guys and get back to you." If my guys weren't really into it, I'd call back and just say something like "well... I spoke with the guys and really they just feel like doing nothing and being couch potatoes at the moment... so maybe another time when we all have a bit more energy..." or something along those lines.
These "do I make my kid" do this or that threads, as in calling a stranger (a.k.a step parent) Mom or Dad, or choosing your friends, makes me really greateful I had a Mom that let me think for myself. My Mom never made me like anyone, and yes of course would consult me if planning something that involved my life...geez! I'm so grateful my Mom was/is laid back.
If another mother calls to set up a playdate with your young child, do you ask your child if they want to play with this other person before agreeing? Or do you make the date anyway? At what age does a child have a say in who they play with?
There were times when I was getting together with another mother and then the kids would have to play with whomever was there. But if another mother called me I would ask my kids.
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