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Old 09-01-2012, 09:15 AM
 
11,615 posts, read 19,752,606 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Not a typo, that would be his typical response if I ask him what he and his friends are going to do, but I know very well he's just being a smart alek and let it go and just tell him when to be home. He won't argue over the curfew -- he will be home by 10pm or whatever time I tell him. If he says they're going to do drugs and drink, I just let it go - so that's probably allowing him to talk back and to also to not spell out every thing he thinks he and his friends will really do -- which is just hang out, nothing specific planned.
My son once told me "We're going out to rape and pillage. I'll see you by midnight."
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Old 09-01-2012, 09:22 AM
 
18,856 posts, read 30,515,673 times
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Discussion, yes. Talkback, NO. One time, I told my eight year old to get ready for bed, she was watching tv...she told me, "Talk to the Butt"...oh, that is a line from "Stuart Little"...yep, I "talked" to the Butt! Yep.
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Old 09-01-2012, 09:42 AM
 
Location: Pa
42,565 posts, read 42,494,164 times
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I listen to his ideas. And explain if they don't make sense.
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Old 09-01-2012, 10:24 AM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
27,410 posts, read 15,104,592 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
My son once told me "We're going out to rape and pillage. I'll see you by midnight."
Haha. Your son is funny.

I do allow my son to let his feelings be known - good or bad. My parents never allowed me to disagree and, consequently, it took me a long time to rid myself of the 'good girl' syndrome. It doesn't get you very far in corporate america.

Luckily, one of my first jobs involved a lot of negotiations and I learned, really for the first time, how to say NO firmly and politely.
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Old 09-01-2012, 05:33 PM
 
Location: California
29,634 posts, read 31,979,723 times
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I couldn't have stopped them from doing that even if I wanted to. They are both pretty independent and stubborn. It wasn't a constant thing but each one had their own ideas about certain things over the years and there were only a handful of times things escalated to the point where I had to put my big MOM foot down.
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Old 09-03-2012, 12:15 AM
 
16,487 posts, read 20,372,893 times
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I allow them to say what they think BUT I do not allow them to be mouthy or disrespectful at all.
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Old 09-03-2012, 07:33 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,683,063 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chris123678 View Post
Do You Allow Your Child To Talk Back?

I'm not talking about when you tell a child to do something and they say no. Not that type,
I mean the type if you and your child disagree.

Do you allow your child to question/disagree with you verbally? Or is your word law?
Whether or not I allow my children to disagree, depends on the situation. If they use respectful tones, absolutely. If they are disrespectful, the quickly learn that they've made a grave error. My children are free to "question" decisions that I make. Children don't know the "whys" unless they do question your decisions, do they? They question. I explain. Again, they are required to be respectful in their wording and tone, though.

Example:
CHILD--"Mom, can I go fishing with Mark and Joe?"

ME--"When?"

CHILD--"In about 10 minutes."

ME--"Did you get your chores done? Did you bring down your clothes to the laundry and mow the back yard like I asked you to this morning?"

CHILD--"No...I forgot."

ME--"Then, no, you'll have to call them and let them know you can't go."

CHILD--"That's DUMB!!! Why can't I GO!?" (oops...slipped into disrespectful!")

ME--"What's dumb, is that I gave you a couple of simple things, that you needed to do today and you chose to disregard those things. What's DUMB, is that you chose to then get defensive and call my decision DUMB, especially when you're trying to convince me that you should get to go fishing with your friends. What WOULD be dumb, is for me to disregard the fact that you blatantly ignored and disobeyed me today, and reward you by letting you go fishing with your friends."

Here's where things could have gone much differently. Even though said child hadn't gotten his tasks done earlier, there is still a good chance that I would have let him go fishing. He could have made that happen, IF he had thought first, and spoken second.

What said child COULD have said is, "No, I'm sorry...I forgot to do that! Mom, if I hurry and get those things done, can I go THEN? Please?" I'd say there'd have been a 75% chance that this child could have gone fishing with his friends at this point....IF he knuckled down and jumped at it with a good attitude! I would still say that, the decision would also depend on if this child had a track record of blatantly disregarding what he was told to do!

Like others here, I was raised in a "just do as I say" household. I don't agree with that. I believe that children deserve answers and if they never get to ask questions, they're probably not going to get those answers.
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Old 09-03-2012, 09:07 AM
 
18,856 posts, read 30,515,673 times
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Sarcasm, is one thing that is definitely NOT tolerated. Ever. There is nothing worse, than a 12 year old, with a sarcastic mouth.
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Old 09-03-2012, 09:10 AM
 
Location: Texas
42,290 posts, read 49,892,285 times
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Right now, my 9 month old is in that phase that if two adults are trying to have a conversation, he starts yelling unintelligibly (blah blah blah blah da da waaa baa ba ba!)...of course it is unintelligible because he can't talk yet. We think he is trying to mimic or be part of the conversation or something. At this point, we think it's too early to explain you don't interrupt adult conversations unless the house is on fire.

But to address the op, I think having a discussion about a disagreement is more respectful and helps the child understand and feel like he has a voice. That does not mean repeated discussions and that does not mean a disrespectful, cheeky discussion. I think it is a good dynamic to foster, as it's obvious a lot of adults can't do it.
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Old 09-03-2012, 09:29 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,683,063 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
Sarcasm, is one thing that is definitely NOT tolerated. Ever. There is nothing worse, than a 12 year old, with a sarcastic mouth.
Agreed. If I ask you....I simply want an answer! Do not be a smarta$$ or you WILL regret it. Humor is one thing, disrespectful sarcasm is another. I'm blown away at the way I hear some people's children speak to them. Oh hell no! They'd be spending a whole lot of time alone...no phone, no television, no computer....ALONE, until they learned to value of "appropriate social interaction".
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